This is what Love is to me

Love is the thing that makes you crush
But that is never going to happen to me
Love is my worst enemy
I just ignore it

My life is hell already
Why make it any worse?
I want love to go away
To never come back again

Then one day i felt strange.
Felt strange in the pit of my stomach
It felt real stange
There is no way to explain it.

It was this guy,
a new guy,
He was kind of cute,
but something was happening to me.

It was the love
It starting off with its stupid first stage,
which was crush
which i hated.

I want it to leave me the hell alone
I don't want it
I want to be alone
for the rest of my damn life!

i like it . but you need to finish it , it just kind of stops.

I want it to leave me the hell alone
I don't want it
I want to be alone
for the rest of my damn life!

Say something like :
but my stomach just keeps groaning
He comes up to me
And i just want to crawl away but he walks closer ..

something that completes the poem , other than that i like it . it shows us that love comes unexpectedly , even when you don't want love . Loves like a Hidden drug that you don't know your taking till your completely and totally in love with that special person.

But that's only my opinion,
Yours Truly ,, Alone_But_Surrounded

I like this, and I am sure many readers understand where you are coming from

I am in full agreeance with not wanting love!!! I also want to be alone, but please think about what that means if it is for the rest of your life!

The structure is good, but I do agree with Alone_But_Surrounded it could do with a change in the ending, you could possibly leave your ending there but it then needs a couple of lines added (not too much, just simple) to portray the ending as a true heart-felt emotion!!

Great and nice structure


Dofs...

Hi gg--

Then one day i felt strange.
Felt strange in the pit of my stomach
It felt real stange
There is no way to explain it.

It was this guy,
a new guy,
He was kind of cute,
but something was happening to me.

These two stanzas can be summed up in 10 words: "I felt strange and there was a new guy." The rest of the words in the stanzas do nothing for the poem or the stanzas and are lazy filler words. Most of the poem is like this, it really just shows more in these two stanzas then the others.

I think this is missing all things poetic. There are no similies, metaphors, very little poorly developed imagery, no carefully chosen diction. Basically this is like a diary entry with the enter button hit far too many times. My suggestion would be to scrap this and go read lots and lots of published poetry and decide for yourself why it was published and what makes it poetry, and then try to mimic some and eventually try your own style again with these elements in mind.

Good luck!

Hello, Goth! Here upon request. I'm not a poet, so we'll see how well of a review I can give...

Love is the thing that makes you crush,
But that is never going to happen to me.
Love is my worst enemy--
I just ignore it.

My life is hell already--
Why make it any worse?
I want love to go away,
To never come back again.

Then one day i felt strange. [comma instead]
Felt strange in the pit of my stomach.
It felt real stange--
There is no way to explain it.

Repetition is usually good, but I think it's a bit annoying here. The reader understands it feels strange. Add metaphors or something else. This won't hold by itself.

It was this guy,
a new guy,
He was kind of cute,
but something was happening to me.

I didn't like this verse very much. It was a cute new guy--I think Via pointed this one out, lol.

It was the love
It starting off with its stupid first stage,
which was crush
which i hated.

It was the love starting off with its stupid first stage. or It was the love--it started off with its stupid first stage. The last two lines here were a bit random, I think.

I want it to leave me the hell alone.
I don't want it.
I want to be alone
for the rest of my damn life!

I'm more of a punctuation nut when it comes to poetry. ^^;

I'm not a poet, but I do know for a fact that poetic devices are useful little guys to help guild a strong poem. I could name a number of them right now: Alliteration, assonance, rhythm, metaphor, simile, Onomatopoeia, repetition. There's a number more. These are the only ones I could pick out from my memory bank.

Anyway, consider using poetic devices to help you out. As Via said before me, this is basically a diary entry that could be entered in about a two sentences, or a few short ones. I felt/saw really not much to classify it as poetry. Only the many line breaks puts it here.

I hope this helped you out. Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Via is wise, listen to her. I'd add that imagery will help. Maybe describe what Love looks like, and how it has become your worst enemy.

I'd describe the guy, and how you knew a crush was developing (try to avoid cliches like heart beating faster and stomach fluttering, if you can't, try saying these things differently.)

As I've said many times before, maybe to you, definetely to others, show, don't tell. This is a bit too narrative and a bit too colloquial. Telling me this guy was 'kind of cute' doesn't make me see or feel anything.

I'd add full stops after 'it' and 'again.'

The flow is good.

Hope this helps.

Jas

It's me, and i am here to comment on your poem.
There was one or two typos, and i had a little problem with your story line:
1. you didn't really make the reader feel what you felt; you should have put a little more feel to the story, to make us feel and understand what you were going through (if this is really what happened to you)
2. You also could have what happened over the course of a few days, but in poem like song:
The first day that I saw his face
he looked right through me
Like water in the sea
And diamonds around my neck

Weeks have pasted
And presence is clear
His mouth opens to talk
And my heart begins to beat

You know something like that to make it more enriched, (all thought that was horrible, that's all I got)
I think you should pay more attention next time when your doing something like this and put maybe a little more effort into it, k?
See you around!

i like it but you need to finish it you just stopped without completeing what you had to say

That was good. But give more info on the guy. How did he charm the speaker, why does she hate it, and how is she drawn to him? i like the cynical ism in the story

I think this poem is weak. This is what I call a "woe-is-me" poem.

SimonCowellLuver wrote:Love is the thing that makes you crush
But that is never going to happen to me

How do you know? This is where I get that "oh, pity me" feeling. You don't want that. The reader doesn't care what you felt, it's a lot more powerful to make the reader feel that way. Show them the feelings you felt.

SimonCowellLuver wrote:Love is my worst enemy
I just ignore it

My life is hell already
Why make it any worse?
I want love to go away
To never come back again

First of all, I don't believe these statements can be true. A loveless world would indeed be hell. Making it worse would mean making it never have love again.

SimonCowellLuver wrote:Then one day i felt strange.
Felt strange in the pit of my stomach
It felt real stange
There is no way to explain it.

It was this guy,
a new guy,
He was kind of cute,
but something was happening to me.

Capitalize "I." The repitition in these stanzas with "strange" and "guy" is annoying. It's like you were trying to find filler to get these to be four lined stanzas. You could do better than that.

SimonCowellLuver wrote:It was the love
It starting off with its stupid first stage,
which was crush
which i hated.

Always capitalize "I." And what was the love? The first line doesn't make much sense.

SimonCowellLuver wrote:I want it to leave me the hell alone
I don't want it
I want to be alone
for the rest of my damn life!

And the language in this just makes it weak. It sound like to me, that you wrote this poem when you were angry and emotional. In my experience, poems I write when I'm in that state of anger, depression, or frustration, never turn out well at all. What I've learned to do, is to wait until later, and evaluate those feelings when your logical mind is working a bit better. It's good to maybe write those feelings down like this, and use them to work with later. Don't get me wrong, I think you have a good idea going here, but personally, I would scrap this poem, and try again. I don't me to be too harsh, and I hope you don't take this too personally. It's just my opinion. Keep writing!

~Yoyo

I liked it a lot. However, I think you should go a little more in depth with your feelings and provide more imagery and posibly some metaphors. And do go more into detail about the guy and why you have those feelings.