The gift

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Points 1650
Reviews 287
1st copy

Life is a gift,
given to all,
but some are taken away,
without a chance to exsperience,
live the life you have,
with no regrets,
for life is a gift
that can oh so easily,
be taken away.

2nd copy

The gift of Life,
given to all those who exsist,
distibuted equally to those who dwell among the earth,
Some recieve the wonderful gift and hold onto it for a lond time,
but others recieve it and never have the chance to use it,
Use the gift,
exsperience the gift,
love the gift given to you as your given right,
live the life given to you with no regrets
Live the gift to the fullest
with your dreams in mind
A gift of life
given to all that exsit
but its still just a gift
that will one day
be taken away. :D
Last edited by Maki-Chan on Wed Nov 14, 2007 4:08 pm, edited 2 times in total.




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Gender Male
Points 4832
Reviews 199
You're right... about life I mean. But do you really have to say it the way you say it?

It feels like
you wrote a sentance
and then
made it into
a poem
without
changing anything.

So try to add a dash of poetry to this! Poetry shouldn't read like prose. Poetry should cut to the essentials without all the... fluff... I'm not a natural poet, perhaps someone can explain this better then I can.

Also you spelled experience wrong.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
- Robert Frost

It cost $7 million to build the Titanic, and $200 million to make a film about it.
The plastic ties on the end of shoelaces are called aglets




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 441
Wow that was touching...
But all lives are taken away. But held captive :(
By the dreaded SCHOOL!

~ Gwen




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1650
Reviews 287
Thanks you guys fpr the kind words you said!
I'm not a very good speller so please endure! SORRY!

ps school is a place where they eat your SOUL!!!!



I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work.
— Thomas Edison