Else

3 posts
Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 890
Reviews 212
[pre]My core fled
and escaped to her hand,
and the mere thought
of her beauty
chills me with its reality;
I fear my iniquity,
my avid seed.

If to be encloaked in
limbs of her is
a dream, then I shall
live by wisps and
speak in coughs.

Residing in my
deceit is a space of
lore and lock, where my
truth slumbers and
encumbers my instinct
with its wise moans.

My mind is agape with
confusion at the splendor of

Else.[/pre]
Last edited by timjim77 on Thu Jun 05, 2008 6:07 am, edited 2 times in total.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 52
I don't have any constructive imput to say other than I enjoyed this. The first four lines sets everything up exellently, and is possibly my favorite bit.
Beware of the scary banana fingers! For they are mushy, and yellow.

I will change my sig whenever another member asks me too. (please request publicly) Last change: Nov. 12 by: Griffinkeeper




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 688
This had a beautiful, wispy feeling to it until right here:

With its wise snore.

Snore? It's so "un-airy". And how do you have a wise snore, anyway?

Otherwise, beautiful and ethereal.
Carpe Diem.



I only know that learning to believe in the power of my own words has been the most freeing experience of my life. It has brought me the most light. And isn't that what a poem is? A lantern glowing in the dark.
— Elizabeth Acevedo, The Poet X