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Memories Part 1



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Thu Dec 15, 2011 1:28 am
NasaAliir says...



Locked away deep inside my mind is a safe containing the memories of before I turned ten. At that time, I didn't know that when I turned twelve, my life would change before my eyes.

.....

My blue eyes flickered open as I woke from my slumber. I jumped out of my bed and ran into the hallway. My black hair a mess, I sprinted into my mother's bedroom.

"Mom, mom! I'm 12, I'm 12!" I yelled with delight. I could hear her mumbling complaints, but I didn't care.

"I'm finally 12! I finally get to stay up a little later." I thought as my mother sat up and yawned. She saw the grin on my face, and I gave her the biggest hug I could manage.
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Thu Dec 15, 2011 3:11 am
MikeMoney says...



Even though this is seven seconds long, I'm eager to see what happens next. I mean is something funny gonna happen, scary, happy, sci-fi like, who knows? Well I seen no mistakes in this...short paragraph, so good job.
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Thu Dec 15, 2011 7:24 am
NightWriter says...



I loved it, even though, yeah it was short.
I'm interested to see what happens next, but not exactly waiting on the edge of my seat for it. I mean as enthralling as this is, and I quote:

She saw the grin on my face, and I gave her the biggest hug I could manage.


It just doesn't quite do it for me.

Still, you have a nice writer's voice and the earlier sentence:

At that time, I didn't know that when I turned twelve, my life would change before my eyes.


Does almost make up for the lack of excitement towards the end.

Good work :)

NightWriter x
raised by wolves // brought up on words.
  





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Thu Dec 15, 2011 12:51 pm
NasaAliir says...



Well, this was all I have right now. I still need to come up with a more... interesting plot. I tend to go in the same direction when I write things like this. It ends up being this fake version of Lord of The Rings mixed with... I don't know what. I'm trying to not do that this time, so, next bit won't be up for a while. :)
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