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Young Writers Society


The Conversation of Cats Part 3



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Fri Nov 11, 2011 6:22 am
Leahweird says...



“What kind of wizard doesn’t have any magical stuff with him?”

Tom did regret his lack of possessions. The fact that he couldn’t claim ownership to anything other than the clothes he was wearing was one of the reasons he let the cat talk him into leaving home. But that wasn’t what he was most concerned about.

Instead of begging to be spared, he put on his best impression of Catherine. He just hoped he could pull off the haughty attitude.

“One who likes to travel light,” he said. “You haven’t tried my left shoe.”

He found himself knocked onto his back again as the man in the green hat roughly followed the suggestion.

“There’s only a rock in here.”

Tom tried to look scornful. “Would a wizard get stones in his shoes?”
“Uh...”

“I should think not! That rock has a powerful invisibility spell on it. I only put it there because I forget how it works.”

“You forget?”

“How am I supposed to remember every spell I’ve ever cast? If you blaggards want a taste of my power, go figure it out yourselves.”

He thought for a moment he had gone too far, but the group’s leader seemed to think this was a fine idea. Tom shortly ended up tied to a tree.

“Gus! Guard the prisoner!”

And with that, they went to go discover the mysteries of the miraculously mundane pebble.

“Food?” asked Gus.

“Sorry. I don’t think they’re going to feed us.”

“Aw.”

“I don’t suppose you’d run for help?”

"Food?"

Tom sighed. “Why do I even bother?”

“I don’t know, why do you?” said a voice behind him.

“It’s you!” said Tom, happily. His guard nearly had a fit.

“Cat! Cat! Cat! Cat!”

“Would someone make that damn dog shut up?”

Fortunately Gus knew to stop barking. A furry form crept into Tom’s lap. He could barely see Catherine in the dim light from the fire, but she didn’t seem to be harmed from their misadventure.

“You look terrible,” she said.

“Thanks for noticing.”

She placed her paws on his chest so she could reach up and lick his chin. He winced as her tongue brushed a scrap on his cheek, but he was grateful for this rare show of affection.

“They didn’t seriously hurt you, did they?”

“They wouldn’t dare.”

She gave him a puzzled look.

“They think I’m a wizard.”

The cat made a little sound that could have been a laugh or a sneeze. It was probably a simple expression of scorn.

“Are you alright for a little while longer?”

“I don’t have much choice,” he answered. She began to slink away. “Hey! At least untie me first!”

“Later!” she called back, once again disappearing.

After that, the only noise in the camp was the robbers still heatedly discussing ways to turn themselves invisible. Gus had curled up next to him, and even in his uncomfortable surroundings Tom found himself dozing off while waiting for the cat to return. It had been an extraordinarily long day.

Suddenly a terrible wailing erupted from the darkness. Tom would have leapt out of his skin if he hadn’t been tied down. The robbers did jump to their feet, and Tom saw them reaching for their weapons before something doused the fire and left them all in darkness.

“How dare you imprison my master?” cried a sinister voice. “Who seeks to tamper in the affairs of the great wizard Caligula?”

The robbers cursed. Tom heard one of them yelling that they should have killed him earlier.
“Now you shall pay for your insolence. Flee this place, or forfeit your lives.”

The horrible yowling began again. Gus started to howl as well. As the swearing from the bandits reached a new pitch, Tom could only guess that they were being attacked by an unseen assailant. It didn’t take them all that long to decide to cut their losses and run.

Tom waited in the darkness until the ropes around him loosened. Eventually a little pool of light appeared, revealing Catherine. She was back in human form, holding a little candle. She had thankfully regained her clothing, as well as a few other items, including the green hat.

“That was fun,” she said.

“So much for not lying.”

“You can talk to animals, and you’re travelling with someone like me. That’s enough of a wizard as far as I’m concerned, and there are some who might call you my master.”

“Caligula?”

“Why shouldn’t you be called that? It could be a nickname. Maybe a title.”

Tom just shook his head. He wasn’t going to argue about a trick that had saved his life. The robbers probably thought some hideous demon was after them. Obviously they had never heard a cat crying in the night.

“Do you want some dinner?” asked his rescuer. “They left an entire pot of stew here.”
Last edited by Leahweird on Fri Nov 11, 2011 1:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
  





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Gender: Female
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Fri Nov 11, 2011 7:55 am
Payne says...



Another great chapter! I think your skill is improving as you go. This was enjoyable to read, and the flow was very good. You handled the scenes quite well, but...something was missing. I'll paraphrase a review I received on one of my stories: you have the basic structure of the story--the skeleton, if you like. But it needs a little something extra, some flesh. It feels a bit rushed, which is understandable given the circumstances, but sometimes it helps if the reader has a sense of the surroundings. Nothing major, just a detail here and there to keep us anchored.

I only saw a few errors:

“I don’t suppose you’d run for help?”

Tom sighed. “Why do I even bother?”

[Are these both spoken by Tom? If so, please put them on the same line. It prevents confusion.]


Tom heard one of them yelling


Tom waited in the darkness until the ropes around him loosened.



I like your characters. It's easy to go over-the-top with stories like this, but I think you've balanced it nicely. It definitely caught me off guard when I realized Gus was a dog...but you still portrayed him quite well.
Keep up the good work, and please do let me know when you post more of this!
I aim to misbehave.

Is it weird in here, or is it just me? --Steven Wright
  





User avatar
136 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2952
Reviews: 136
Fri Nov 11, 2011 1:40 pm
Leahweird says...



Thanks for catching those errors, escpecially that missing line. The joke is ruined without it. Pacing is probably my biggest issue as a writer, I'm still trying to get better at that, so it's always nice to know whether or not I've suceeded.
  








Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.
— Martin Luther King Jr.