Young Writers Society

“Princess, why are you crying?”

I was being immature, I know. But that ball was the only thing in my life that made me truly happy. I used to love throwing it in the air, and watching it glow like a miniature sun. Of course, I was devastated when it fell in the water. Solid gold, decadent but impractical, it sunk like a stone.

“Would you like me to fetch it for you?”

It took him some time. My toy was heavier than he was. I would wait while he struggled with it and pour my heart out to him when he rested.

I’m ashamed to admit I started to wish he wouldn’t succeed. Our visits had become far more important to me than a child’s plaything, but it was my excuse to keep coming back.

When he finally dragged it up to the surface, I kissed him. Out of gratitude, and fear that I might never get the chance to express my affection.

But then he disappeared. I didn’t understand. I thought he had simply run away. Had I offended him? Did he think I was a silly girl? A foolish human who wanted the impossible? Afraid I had lost him for good, I started sobbing harder than ever.

But then I felt a hand on my shoulder. Turning, I found myself staring into the bright green eyes of my golden prince. He kissed my tears away, and whispered in my ear.

“Why are you crying, Princess?”

Awh, this is cute. Although, as I kept reading I was getting a little confused. I think it was only one thing though.

This:

My toy was heavier than he was.

I don't get this part, if it was just a ball, how was it heavier than a person? Is it because it was floating in water while the Prince was trying to swim with it back to shore that made it difficult? Or is there another reason, a different toy?

What I thought was really neat about the story though was at the beginning. I thought it was going to be about a "Cinderella character" who missed her chance in going to the ball. Then I kept reading and found out it was a toy (ball). xD Very nice~<3

Thank you for catching that! I added some lines that will hopefully clarify things. I'm glad you enjoyed reading.

Personally, I have always disliked the story of the frog prince. The princess always seemed like a brat, ungrateful and rather stupid. I always felt quite sorry for the enchanted prince. I mean the poor guy ends up with a bride who ran off and left him after he helped her and then she flung him against the wall after their first kiss. Not a great way to start a relationship.
So when I clicked on this I didn't have very high hopes for it. And I am happy to tell you it was not what I was expecting at all. I found this piece delightfully refreshing and new.
You did a lovely job on it. I was able to reconize the story but didn't find it to be the same boring drag that it is in the fairy tales. The only thing I have to say is I would have loved it to be longer.
So all thats left to do is click *like* and *follow*.
Keep up the writing.
~DG

Dragongirl, I am thrilled with your comments. I agree with you about the problems in the original fairytale. In my opinion he saved her as much as much as she him, so I decided to rewite the story to reflect that. This princess is childish, but she has redeeming qualities and truly cares about the frog even before his transformation. My intent seems to have come across, which is one of my favourite things to learn. Thank you so much!

To be honest as well, the story of the Frog Prince always irritated me because of the princess; she just seemed so arrogant and spoiled. And I for one, would never kiss a frog. xD But I just LOVE your variation of the story.
It's like, the story set in reverse. Rather than the princess kissing the Prince and him becoming a human again, he gets transformed into a frog!
That actually amused me a bit, but I feel pity for the poor prince who was placed under the spell in the first place.
It was a really awesome piece and I can't wait to read more of your works! ;D

~Disenchanted. Out.

I like this, especially the way you hint at the fact that the princess was already beginning to fall in love with the prince even when he was a frog. It's cute. I also love hearing the princess' thoughts, rather than just hearing the story be told again. I couldn't find any mistakes, so sorry that my review has not been very helpful.

Awwwww! Love this *likes*.

I love this because it portrays the Princess as being a lovely person - unlike in the fairy tale. When I used to read this story as a kid I always felt sorry for the frog and hated the Princess but now I don't hate the Princess so much.

Kepp writing - I love your different adaptations and twists on fairy tales!

- apple96

This is absolutely adorable... it's a wonderful view of a classic fairytale. Your words make the princess seem like a sweet, loving girl instead of the childish character she is often portrayed as.