It stopped raining at the same moment I ended my son's life . I couldn't see anything. I could barely breathe. It was cold and my hands were frozen, with his blood in it. I run through the door, opened the gate without seeing it. My steps echoed in the empty street.
I could feel my scream stuck in my throat, refusing to believe what I had done, my tears running down my marked face. At some moment I looked behind trying to see if I was being followed. No. No one was there. Maybe I had killed whoever had been shouting in my ears for the past three months.
The image of my dead kid appeared in front. Bloody, stabbed, dead.
Maybe I was crazy after all. Many people spent months telling I should look out for help. But how could I? I have a son to look after.
"I had a son.", I said out loud.
Finally I could scream. The reality just appeared in front of me. I could see what I had done. I could feel his blood in my skin, frozen every part of me it touched.
I looked behind.
"I must come back" I thought.
But this time I couldn't run. Every step I took killed me inside as I pictured what I would find as soon as I entered the house. Opposite to the blood, the tears that crossed my cheeks burned my skin, punishing me.
"I am so sorry" I murmured "I am so sorry"
I don't know if I was saying that for what I had done or for what I knew still had to be done.
I made it to the house when I last expected. It was dark, just like my soul.
The gate made a noise as I opened it. Instantly I imagined one of those scary movies I so often watched. I passed through the door, which was open.
"It must have been the wind".
His body was in the floor exactly like I remembered. The knife was still by his side.
For some reason I couldn't apologize. I felt dirty, cursed. I put his hair behind his ear, took off my shirt and cleaned him as much as I could. Wiped the tear that was still is his left eye, that was still open.
I picked up the knife and heard a loud laugh which I recognized being the one that filled my ears every day.
"Do it" said the voice between two laughs.
I looked at the knife. It didn't tremble as I put an end to the life of the one that had killed my son. The laugh was the last thing I heard.
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