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Cosmos (Outer Space) Part 7



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Wed Aug 24, 2011 2:36 am
ZannaShepherd says...



This is where stories go~

Lush green grass surrounded me, its soft texture greeting me as I lay in its embrace. Opening my eyes, bright blue sky stretched on as far as I could see. The three suns shining in the sky gave everything a healthy, warm glow. I sighed in pleasure, relishing in the absolute freedom.

“Key!”

My dream was instantly shattered, as Pixie’s eccentric voice ripped me from slumber.

Opening my eyes, a feeling of utter despair and hopelessness washed over me as the dull, sick colors around me laughed in my face, mocking my dream.

I curled into a ball and forced my eyes shut, closing in the tears. Five weeks, and I still hadn’t gotten used to anything. Everything was so wrong, and the worst part of it was the dying hope of ever going home. Lion was no closer to finding a solution to our problem than the day we’d crashed.

“Hey, Key, get up. After breakfast, Lion’s gonna take us somewhere.”

Composing myself the best I could, I sat up and furiously scrubbed at my eyes, pushing the un-shed tears back.

“Ok, Pix. I’ll be there in a minute.” I gave her a fake smile, and through blurry eyes watched as she skipped out of the room. She, out of all of us seemed the least concerned with our predicament, and I envied her ‘every day is an adventure’ attitude.

Pushing my self-pity aside, I crawled out of the bottom bunk. Mechanically slipping out of my rumpled overly large t-shirt and sweats that I’d cut into shorts, I threw on a clean pair of jeans, and a simple white blouse.

Dragging myself over to the mirror, I gazed in dismay at the sight that greeted me. I looked terrible. Large circles under my eyes hinted at the sleepless nights. The clothes I’d purchased when we’d first arrived hung on me loosely, indicating the missing weight that I couldn’t afford to lose. My pink hair was a mess, sticking out in all different directions. Well, at least I could do something about that.

Grabbing the brush on the nearby dresser, I halfheartedly drug it through my thick locks, and met the dull gaze that looked back at me. There was no emotion there, no fire, and no life in the purple eyes that stared at me.

It was as if I really was a zombie, I realized. A walking shell, with nothing inside, doomed to be alive, but never live.

“Key?”

I glanced to the doorway where Chess was standing, a concerned look on his face. Ignoring him, I returned to the task of taming the beast.

“Are you alright? You look. . .”

“I’m fine!” I shouted, throwing the brush on the ground, as unbidden anger welled up in me, joining with all of my other pent up emotions, and sought for a release. “So just leave me alone.”

I saw him leave out of the corner of my vision, and as he left me alone, my rage dissipated immediately, leaving me feeling hollow and empty inside.

Realization of how I’d just acted hit me like a fist in the stomach, and what little composure I had left holding me together, shattered.

Crumpling into a heap on the floor, I held my knees to my chest and let the tears I’d been trying so hard to hold back, free.

What had I become? This weak, pathetic, insensitive jerk was not me. So where had I gone? Had I truly died the day of the crash? Great sobs wracked my body uncontrollably, and I let myself sink into despair.

As if in a dream, I was suddenly pulled into a strong embrace. I didn’t fight it. I let him hold me, more appreciative of the gesture then he would ever know. He didn’t say anything, just held me to him, and let me cry. A strong, familiar presence, reminding me that, even though I was lost, the most important things in my life still remained.

The tears, having run their course, eventually subsided. Wiping the back of my hand across my eyes, I gratefully took the handkerchief he held out to me, and did my best to dry my face.

Sniffing, I finally looked up, and found Chess gazing at me with pain filled eyes.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” I apologized, knowing there was no excuse for my actions.

He brushed my wayward hair out of my eyes, and gave me a faint smile.

I squirmed as he continued to observe me. Now after the fact, I felt like an idiot. Although I have to admit, I did feel somewhat better after crying my eyes out.

“You don’t have to apologize for being upset, Key. You shouldn’t have to be dealing with all of this stress, none of should.”

I nodded, and got to my feet. “We should probably go, Pixie said something or another about going somewhere.”

Chess agreed, and standing up, headed out of the door. Following him, I took a deep breath and tried to calm the feelings that raced through me, like electricity.

*


I glared at the bowl in front of me. It contained increasingly soggy cheerio’s, drowning in milk and tasted like sawdust. I set the spoon down, and looked up. The cramped table, where we were all seated, was a sorrowful sight. Each occupant, lost in their own thoughts, was at different stages in cereal consumption. A pain ripped through my heart. This wasn’t us, this wasn’t how we were supposed to be. We should be laughing and joking, at least talking to each other. Or having eating competitions, and food fights.

Sighing, I grabbed my bowl and headed for the sink.

“Key,”

I looked back as Lion’s voice stopped me.

“You need to finish that.” He ordered, indicating the still half full bowl in my hands.

“It tastes awful,” I complained. “Besides I’m not hungry.” I added, speaking the truth. I rarely ever had an appetite anymore.

“Key, just do it. You look like hell, and you’ve lost way too much weight.”

“Thanks for the confidence building, charmer.” I glowered at Lion.

He pointed towards my seat. I reluctantly obliged, and sat huffily in my seat, shoving tasteless mush into my mouth.

“Ok guys, listen up.”

Everyone looked towards Lion.

“Today, we’re going to visit the library. I thought you all might enjoy it since you’ve never been around books.”

“Books?” Pixie questioned.

“Books are like text documents except they’re made out of paper that you have to physically turn the pages of. You’ve seen pictures of them back home, and they’re all over the place here. You’ve all seen them before, just probably haven’t made the connection of name and object,” Lion told her.

I rolled my eyes, a little ashamed that Pixie hadn’t even paid enough attention in school to know what a book was. She was a genius mechanic, but a lousy student.

“So what’s the point of a library? Why don’t they just have all documents in files? They have computers, and it would save on their natural resources,” Chess asked.

“Not every human has a computer, or access to the internet. Besides, going to the library is free, and it’s an ethical choice for many humans,” Lion explained, taking his now empty bowl to the sink.

“Well, count me out. I’m not going.”

I turned to look at the solemn Who.

“Sorry Who, no choice in the matter. We’re all going,” Lion informed him, gently.

Who crossed his arms, but stayed silent.

“Ok, everyone clean up your dishes, and we’ll head to the bus stop.” Lion rallied us, Pixie the only one returning the slightest enthusiasm.

*


“Who?” I stared on in amazement with the rest of my misfit group, as Who did . . . something. I had no word for what he was doing. Sitting in his wheelchair, a book in his lap, he held his hand over the pages that, seemingly of their own accord with incredible speed, kept turning. Who’s eyes looked like they were having seizures as they erratically skimmed the pages.

“Who,” Lion whispered loudly, nervously glancing at our surroundings to make sure we were alone.

“Yeah?” The last page settled, and Who looked up. “What is it?” he asked, taking in the shocked looks on our faces.

“Did you just read that whole book?”

A confused look crossed his face. “. . . Yeah, I guess. But how. . .”

“I think you just discovered another Power you posses.” Lion mused. “It would seem that you have the Power of ‘speed’, in other worlds the ability to read really fast. I guess you never knew of this Power before, because we don’t have books, and the pages have to physically move.” Lion explained.

I tried to grasp this new development. Did this mean we all would uncover dormant Powers? Did this mean that Chess’s Power’s would possibly manifest? I glanced over to where he was leaning against a book shelf, a blank expression on his face. I couldn’t tell if he was upset or not. He was so difficult to read.

I let my gaze wander and took in my surroundings. I still couldn’t get over how amazing this building was. Now that we were here, I was quite impressed. Rows and rows of shelves stuffed with books, filled the reasonably large room, and extended to a whole other floor that I had yet to explore. I still thought it an immense waste of paper, but it was kind of neat to see so many books, and know that each one contained untold amounts of information. It was also a bit overwhelming, but whatever. It paled in comparison to the recent events of my past.

“Well Who, aren’t you glad you came now?”

I turned back to our small group, as Pixie kneeled in front of Who, holding a large stack of books. Who looked up at her, and I felt tears prick at the back of my eyes, as for the first time since his accident, he smiled. A gesture filled with true excitement, and proof that maybe even here, lost in outer space, we could someday look past all of the pain and hurt, and smile.
In order to write about life, first you must live it!

Ernest Hemingway

Hmm, must be why I only write fantasy, that's the only life I've ever lived.
~Zanna
  





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Sun Aug 28, 2011 8:13 am
FakeCrow says...



I don't really have anything to say about this. The story is interesting, the characters are genius, and the dialogue is great. You did a fantastic job! keep up the good work!
"If you were to die without anyone ever remembering you, then does that mean you never existed? If so, that is why I write, to be remembered; to exist.". -me
  





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Sun Aug 28, 2011 8:25 am
Griffinkeeper says...



Hi, I'm Griffinkeeper and this is going to be my review. I noticed that you have this in parts, you might be interested in moving it in the "Fantasy Novel" area. If that's your thing, then just shoot me a PM with links to the other parts.

Lush green grass surrounded me, its soft texture greeting me as I lay in its embrace. Opening my eyes, bright blue sky stretched on as far as I could see. The three suns shining in the sky gave everything a healthy, warm glow. I sighed in pleasure, relishing in the absolute freedom.


It's not exactly clear that this is a dream sequence. Italics would do a lot to help.

Five weeks, and I still hadn’t gotten used to anything.


Five weeks? I thought she would have broken down much faster: within a few days perhaps, three weeks at the maximum.

Pushing my self-pity aside, I crawled out of the bottom bunk. Mechanically slipping out of my rumpled overly large t-shirt and sweats that I’d cut into shorts, I threw on a clean pair of jeans, and a simple white blouse.

Dragging myself over to the mirror, I gazed in dismay at the sight that greeted me. I looked terrible. Large circles under my eyes hinted at the sleepless nights. The clothes I’d purchased when we’d first arrived hung on me loosely, indicating the missing weight that I couldn’t afford to lose. My pink hair was a mess, sticking out in all different directions. Well, at least I could do something about that.

Grabbing the brush on the nearby dresser, I halfheartedly drug it through my thick locks, and met the dull gaze that looked back at me. There was no emotion there, no fire, and no life in the purple eyes that stared at me.

It was as if I really was a zombie, I realized. A walking shell, with nothing inside, doomed to be alive, but never live.

“Key?”

I glanced to the doorway where Chess was standing, a concerned look on his face. Ignoring him, I returned to the task of taming the beast.

“Are you alright? You look. . .”

“I’m fine!” I shouted, throwing the brush on the ground, as unbidden anger welled up in me, joining with all of my other pent up emotions, and sought for a release. “So just leave me alone.”

I saw him leave out of the corner of my vision, and as he left me alone, my rage dissipated immediately, leaving me feeling hollow and empty inside.

Realization of how I’d just acted hit me like a fist in the stomach, and what little composure I had left holding me together, shattered.

Crumpling into a heap on the floor, I held my knees to my chest and let the tears I’d been trying so hard to hold back, free.

What had I become? This weak, pathetic, insensitive jerk was not me. So where had I gone? Had I truly died the day of the crash? Great sobs wracked my body uncontrollably, and I let myself sink into despair.


I'm glad she put her self-pity aside; then proceeded to utterly drown in it. It might be in character, but it doesn't make it less annoying to read. Angst angst woe is me! Can you find a way to minimize the amount of space with the angst? Short bursts of angst are better than long bursts.
Moderator Emeritus (frozen in carbonite.)
  





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Sun Aug 28, 2011 4:49 pm
FemmeFatale says...



This was pretty good. I like the easy flow of it, it dragged me in and held me to the end. some of your metaphors were outstanding, like: "It was as if I really was a zombie, I realized. A walking shell, with nothing inside, doomed to be alive, but never live." I seriously sat there and studied that line for a loongg loong moment. It is quite fantastic if i say so myself, so simple but you can understand what Key feels so vividly. This is the first chapter I have read in all of the parts and I already have a feel for all of the characters, and the roles they play in the story. Very nice job at that I must say. To the contrary of the commenter above me, I did not find it at all strange that it took Key five weeks to break down the way she did. I could see from the way you described her character that she likes to be strong, and doesnt like to need. I can see that she wanted to keep all of here tears and sadness inside because she didnt want everyone else to see that she was vulnerable. So, it makes sense that it took five weeks for her to give in to her sadness. The only thing I saw that was off in the whole chapter was: “You don’t have to apologize for being upset, Key. You shouldn’t have to be dealing with all of this stress, none of should.” I think you meant to put something in between "of" and "should". Maybe us? Im not sure haha. Anyway, besides that, this was a perfect little peice. Cant wait to read more! Keep up the fantastic job!
"To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders."
-Lao Tzu
  








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