Young Writers Society

I wrote this for fun. Hope you like it.



Dragons in the backyard:

Now, if you were me, how would you respond to a very loud and obnoxious person coming into your room and waking you up before the sun rose?

Admit it. You would hit them with a bat. I certainly did. Then why, oh why did you get so angry?

Maybe hitting you with a wooden bat was a tad overkill. Just maybe. But as I said above, it was before the sun rose!

Most fairies would be smart enough not to bother me.

But you apparently are dumb. Extremely. Big surprise.
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I grumbled and griped as much as I could so you could get the jest of my annoyance. And, just so you know, I'm not forgiving you anytime soon.
After the entire ordeal you went through to wake me up, you seemed to content to fly around the village, looking around aimlessly. Fluff for brains is what you have. I tell you.


"Why in the gumdrop would you wake me up at such a time when you could just do this yourself?" I said, after you decided to inform me why you woke me up.

"Well, duh. I wanted to experience the joy of being hit with a wooden club!" You said, shooting me a hurt look.


You seem to regret it. Well, I'm doing my job then.

"I hope it was fun for you," I said, smiling a withering smile.

"All the way."

See? You are so sarcastic; it annoys the rainbow out of me.


"So, Tharin, how's that thing with the Pixie going?"

We were at the edge of the village, and it was the perfect time to tease you about your latest love.

You blushed. "You mean Andea? She's good. I guess. Haven't talked to her."

Mooney eyes. Until she dumps you.
I started to laugh, and then looked at you. If you got any redder, your face would probably attract some bees, thinking you are a poppy.

"Oh Tharin, if you could only see your face!" I giggled gleefully, skipping circles in the air around you.

You growled at me, how rude! and before I could hit you with a club again for the second time today, I heard a noise. A dragon, lost and confused was wailing for its mother. The poor thing! Despite what you say, I do have a kind heart. Most of the time. Except when you wake me up. No, I won't let it go. So don't even bother asking.

You hate dragons. I know this. Which is all the more reason to go and save that baby dragon! It makes you tremble in fear.

"Oh, that poor thing!" I burst out, smiling to myself.

You looked at me in utter disbelief. Before you could stop me, I flew as fast as I could through the woods, ignoring your pleas for me to turn back.


A few minutes later, you caught up with me. "Ti! You know better than to chase after a dragon! He could hurt you!"
I rolled my eyes, and continued flying.
"Ti, please, I don't want you to injure yourself."

"Pfftt." was all the answer I graced you with. Who in the unicorn was going to stop me?

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I've figured it out. You are dumb. I mean, I've known that a long time, but now I'm sure. Should have made the connection years ago. Would have made everything easier. I've been blinded, you see. Being best friends with you forever must have made me unable to see what a nincompoop you are. And yes, I am still mad that you woke me up. Still.

Because now, you being the brilliant scholar you are flew, shouting into an old dragon den. Oh what a genius you are! I fly up and clamp my hand over your mouth.
"Shut up Wizard."

You looked at me in anger. You seemed mad I had called you a curse word. Oh well. "Do you want every dragon from here to Pony-Ville to hear you?" I said, half joking, half serious.

Even you know that Pony-Ville is too far away. Even you. Which is saying something. Considering. No! How many times do I have to say I will not forgive you?

You pushed me away, and spat "I am not a Wizard," this last word you whispered. "I am a birdman."

"Could have fooled me. I mean you’re almost as stupid as one."

You seem to be mad. Humph.

We creep closer to the dragon, small for its age, with blue and green scales.

"Hello," I say, waving at it. "I am Tiona."

The dragon nods to us.
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Five years later...

So, I'm married to you. Everyone, when we told them we were getting married went 'big surprise,' and 'I never would have guessed!'

I think they lied.

As much as I love you, you still annoy the rainbow out of me. But I still love you.

And no, I haven't forgiven you for waking me up. It was before the sun rose!

You're fighting a losing battle when you fight with me, but you do it anyway. Well, you always were as stubborn as a butterfly.

And remember that dragon we found so many years ago?
Well, her name is Drucilla, which means mighty and strong. We adopted her, and her husband Waldron and they have little dragon babies running around.

So basically, we have dragons in the backyard.

Love, Your wife Tiona

Loved your story.

It was quite funny. I wanted to keep on reading more of it.

Just one mistake I found ..

He blushed. "You mean Andea? She's good. I guess. Haven't talked to her."

I think it should be 'You blushed' since you are using "you" for everything else.

The characters are so lovable, you could try and write a whole book about them. Give it a nice plot like they go in search of hidden treasures or sort with their dragons and all.

Honestly, the plot wouldn't matter that much. Their humorous quarrels would be enough for me.

Good Job and Good Luck !

Eagerly waiting for more

I absolutely loved this. It was cute and I liked the little sayings like "What the gumdrop." I really loved the characters! They were so likable and I really got into the story and plot. Good job! Keep writing

Haha, this was really good!! I really liked it!!

Why in the gumdrop

Who in the unicorn was going to stop me?

I really like this bits. Really cute

Drucilla

Pony-Ville

Andea

Tharin

I love the names as well. Did you use a name finder or did you just think them up?

Well done! This is really good!! Midnight x

This is the cutest and most intriguing piece I have ever read. You're a really good writer. I'm a very visual person and even though there weren't many details I could imagine the characters and everything in my mind. Although it could have been a bit more detailed I really loved everything about this, especially at the end, the irony is something I would not have expected. Lovely, really.

It's a cute story alright, and I must admit that there were very few typographical errors. However, it got a bit confusing...lemme show you what I mean.

You growled at me, how rude! and before I could hit you with a club again for the second time today, I heard a noise. A dragon, lost and confused was wailing for its mother. The poor thing! Despite what you say, I do have a kind heart. Most of the time. Except when you wake me up. No, I won't let it go. So don't even bother asking.

In one paragraph, you've shifted the focus of the MC completely over to something else. Not only that, but you shifted it even further on by the end of the same paragraph! I think you need to slow down and get a few things right.

Also, the whole second-person format was quite distracting, especially when you put in all those asterisks. (which, by the way, made the page too wide) I thought you were switching POVs when that happened.
Next time, a simple line would do it, over even something like this:

"Pfftt." was all the answer I graced you with. Who in the unicorn was going to stop me?

* * * * * *

I've figured it out. You are dumb. I mean, I've known that a long time, but now I'm sure. Should have made the connection years ago. Would have made everything easier. I've been blinded, you see. Being best friends with you forever must have made me unable to see what a nincompoop you are. And yes, I am still mad that you woke me up. Still.

Hmm, now that I read it again, I realize that you were switching POVs. Not the best thing to do in my opinion, but I suppose you're free to do as you wish.
Moving on.

Five years later...

So, I'm married to you. Everyone, when we told them we were getting married went 'big surprise,' and 'I never would have guessed!'

This is a strange thing to say. When writing letters (and this story did not start out like a normal letter at all) you usually tell the addressee things they are not aware of. Not only this, but the dragons in the backyard kinda thing.
I suggest you cut out that last part entirely and replace it with...something.

Overall, you really didn't have any set destination in your plot. you set up the main characters fairly well, let it be known what state their relationship was in...and then have them find and raise a dragon in the last two segments. Oh, and they get married.
What?

Sorry for being harsh, but you still have some way to go in polishing this one.

-Jenth

EDIT: By the way, I really liked your cute phrases like: "Who in the unicorn?", "Why in the gumdrop?"