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Why the Wolf Howls to the Glowing Moon



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Mon Jul 04, 2011 3:41 am
VuzzyCat says...



Okay, so I wrote this to be like a folktale/ Native spiritual story, so I know it isn't the best description, but that is kinda the point. I would still like reviews though! so please leave them. Thanks :D


Why the Wolf Howls to the Glowing Moon

At the beginning of time, all of the earth lived in darkness. The only light that could be seen was given from the playful twinkling stars that laughed in the heavens. The Moon, though she tried her best, could not give the earth any light. One day, a bright new star shone in the sky. Its light was greater than any of the other stars, so when it shone, they were all blocked out. Many of the animals came to greet this new star that had brought life to the planet. He told them that he was called Sun and that he had been to other worlds to help them grow. Wolf, who had been listening to Sun tell of his journeys, went to tell Moon the good news. When Wolf went to where they had normally met, he could not find her.
“Where is she?” Wolf asked aloud. He continued to search for Moon, but she was no where to be found. Finally, Wolf gave up his search and sat down, crying out his pain for his lost friend.
“Why do you cry Wolf?” Moon asked. “I have been here the whole time.”
Wolf looked up to the sky searching. “Where are you? I do not see you.”
Moon sighed. “I can not be seen,” she whispered. “Sun has light that is too bright for me.”
Wolf cried once more. “But I have to see you!” he howled. “I love you!”
Moon smiled (though Wolf could not see it). “I know. I love you too, but I do not have enough light.”
Wolf suddenly got an idea. “I know!” he shouted. “I will be right back,” Wolf said before he dashed off. Wolf ran up the tallest mountain until he could not reach any higher. Then, he called to Sun.
“What is wrong, Wolf?” Sun asked.
“You are too bright, and I can no longer see my best friend, Moon,” Wolf yelled.
“I am sorry, I did not know I caused so much harm,” Sun said quietly. “But I do not know what to do. I can not get darker.”
Wolf felt despaired, until another idea came to him. “Could you give Moon some of your light?” he asked.
Sun thought for a moment. “I suppose I could.” Sun reached down one of his long, pointed arms and handed Wolf a paw-full of light. “I will also let Moon have the sky for half of the time to herself so that she may be the only light.” Wolf nodded. He gripped the light in his teeth and darted off, swishing his tail in thanks.
When Wolf got to where he had last met Moon, he put the bundle of light down. Then he howled up to the sky, hoping Moon would hear his call.
“There you are Wolf!” Moon exclaimed.
“I have brought you some of Sun’s light so you may once again shine in the sky!” Wolf yelled excitedly. He picked up the light in his mouth and threw it up to the sky. The light hit Moon and Wolf could suddenly see her again.
Ever since then, Sun has let Moon have the sky for half of the time. Every night, Moon gets her turn in the sky. And every night, Wolf waits for her, howling for her to find him.
I'm the author of my own life. Unfortunately I'm writing in pen. Mistakes I make can not be erased, the only option is to turn the page and start a new chapter. <3

I'm single because God is busy writing the best love story.
<3 VuzzyCat
  





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Mon Jul 04, 2011 4:23 am
Veritas says...



I don't think that people understand how hard writing a folktale is. You have to incorporate detail (but not too much) dialogue, emotion (sometimes), and have it all come together into a neat little bundle. That being said, what you wrote was really good! It could have used a bit more description like you said but I thought you did a good job.

Write on!

Veritas
The words you write reflect your soul. Make every word count.
  





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Tue Jul 05, 2011 9:17 pm
captain.classy says...



Hi there!

This is a wonderful little story about how the moon and sun came to be. I really don't have any corrections on the plot, so I'm just going to comment on how you wrote it, the style, since you used very poor grammar for some reason in this. I know it seems like the right thing to do when you write a folk-like story, so I'm not going to harp on you for this! I'm going to just point out some places in this story that seem modern and don't quite fit in with the rest!


they were all blocked out.

I'm pretty sure 'blocked out' is modern slang. I think a better thing to say here would be hidden. I think it would match the mysterious and soothing vibe of your story better than blocked out.

“I have been here the whole time.”

I also think whole is more of a modern term. I think the word 'entire' would go better here.

“What is wrong, Wolf?” Sun asked.

One of my first stories was set in medieval times, and I received this review from someone who changed my life (I write a lot of fantasy novels). Anyways, what I learned was that you don't need to separate words that should be conjunctions because you think they'll sound more fantasy like. Just turn it into what's because 'what is,' especially in the way it's used here, is awkward sounding.

Sorry I couldn't be of more help, there's really not much to correct!

Keep writing,

Classy
  





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Wed Jul 06, 2011 4:53 am
..:Ced:.. says...



What a sweet story. You did a really good job to come up with that concept. Having such a creative imagination is a key part in being a great writer. You have awesome potential. No criticism from me :) Keep up the good work.

..:Ced:.. x
Dreams are whispers from the Soul
  





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Wed Jul 06, 2011 3:29 pm
Snake7 says...



Very unusual yet creative.

You are very imaginative to create such a unique story.
Only criticism here would be your wording, like what someone above me wrote, you should have conjunctions in some areas.

Other than that very good.
"You overreach yourselves." Orphan

"No, we overreach you." Lightning, Final Fantasy XIII
  








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