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Rachael & Ribbit's Ridiculous 'Riting Challenge Entry



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Gender: Female
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Sat Jun 18, 2011 2:27 am
sarebear says...



“Polly, dearest, don’t chew at the collar,” cooed the little girl crouched on the cobbles. Her knees were peeling and chapped and she wore a sort of sack draped around her slim figure. She was stroking the creature. Any casual observer would not have suspected such a beast to be named Polly. It was green, warty, and dribbling spittle from its disgusting fangs.

“There’s a good Ribbit now,” she whispered, tickling the thing behind its ears. It began humming in a deep throaty voice.

“Oi Ribbit girl,” called a snide voice. A group of adolescents was making their way up the street. Leading them was a boy with sharp, handsome features. This boy carried himself confidently and was wearing a small circlet that rested on his pointed ears.

“Hello Jasper,” she said quietly, one hand still resting on the Ribbit. She looked down at it, avoiding eye contact with any of the boys. Jasper stopped and stood over her.

“Look at me, Ribbit girl,” he said, “don’t play dumb.” She kept her eyes down, staring at the Ribbit. The boy was getting angry. He grabbed her bony chin and jerked it up to face him.

“Hey Ribbit girl, you’re going to play with us today,” he said, “Today is the day you learn your place. You are to call me ‘master’ today.” The other boys tittered. The little girl stared blankly at his face. She went almost limp, waiting for the boys to leave her alone. But Jasper was determined to have his fun.

“You must say, ‘Yes, master’ now.” Still she did not respond. Jasper shook her bony figure, which had become completely limp in his hands. The Ribbit growled.

“Oh, shut up,” said Jasper, diverted. He kicked the beast, which cowered away, tightly tethered by its collar. The girl let out a moan of pain, as though Jasper had kicked her instead of the animal at his feet. Jasper noticed at once, and kicked the Ribbit again. It moaned. Jasper was holding the little girl, who was now struggling against him, and using his feet to kick the pathetic animal.

“There’s no need for that,” said a bell-like voice. A beautiful female had arrived, and Jasper instantly stepped away from the Ribbit and dropped the girl in the dust.

“Miss Elena,” he said, and made a bow, “You’re the last person I thought to see here.”

“Master Jasper,” she replied, “What were you doing to that creature?”

“Oh, nothing. Just having some fun.”

“Your idea of fun disgusts me,” she said disdainfully, and Jasper looked slightly crestfallen. “In any case, His Royal Highness wishes to speak to you.”

“Again?”

“Yes, and I wouldn’t keep him waiting—he did not seem in the best of moods.”

“Alright.” Making another bow, he left the two girls, the group of boys, and the Ribbit behind and set off at a run towards the castle. The beautiful girl stooped and helped the small one up. She scrambled away from the older girl and hid behind the Ribbit, as if worried that further harm might come to them.

“Don’t worry, Andromeda. These boys won’t hurt you or Polly.” Elena gave the group a nasty look and they meandered away.

“Jasper hit Polly,” said Andromeda quietly.

“I’ll talk to him about it. But Polly is tough,” said Elena, “are you alright?”

“S’pose” replied the little girl. She clutched at Polly protectively.

“If you want you can stay in my rooms,” offered Elena. Andromeda shook her head.

“Well, you’re welcome any time.” With that, Elena straightened up, patted Polly on the head, and walked away. She waited until she was out of sight of Andromeda to wipe her slimy hand on the grass.




As Jasper entered the castle he noticed a man standing near the entrance. He was dressed completely in black and wearing a cloak with a hood that obscured his face. Jasper stalked past and pushed open the doors. On his way to the King’s reception rooms he passed his tutor, Barnes. Barnes was muttering to himself about what seemed to be a physic problem. It involved many numbers and would have been totally unintelligible to anyone other than himself.

The guards at the door to the King’s throne room parted to let Jasper pass and he entered the room and knelt before the King.

“You called me, Majesty?”

The King raised Jasper up. He did not offer a chair, and there was none in any case for Jasper to take, forcing him to remain standing. Because of the height of the throne he was still looking up at the King.

“Yes, son. I wanted to speak with you about an arrival to the kingdom. A young man just arrived, who is visiting from West Pines. He is the prince of West Pines, the son of King Yarrow.” Here the King paused, marshaling his thoughts.

“I wish you to woo this fine young gentleman. I see him as a wonderful partner for you—an alliance with West Pines would be a gain for our kingdom. His name is Aric Yarrowson and he is sixteen years old. He will be staying for only a week, and in this time it will be your job to win his heart.”

Jasper looked at the floor, unable to speak his mind.

“Why are you so sullen, son? I have rarely heard you be so quiet.”

Once again Jasper could not meet his father’s eyes. Finally he mumbled, “Father, I like a girl.”

“A girl?” rumbled the King, “Who would have thought that my son, a fine bred boy of royalty, would be straight?” he spit out the last word with distain. Jasper hung his head. “You will woo Aric Yarrowson,” continued the King angrily, “and you will partner him and create an alliance between our kingdoms.” He waved away Jasper’s reply. “I do not wish to discuss this any further. Leave my presence!” Jasper had no choice and so bowed and retreated.



The man in black watched Jasper stalk past him out of the castle. Then he walked slowly up the stone steps. His shoes made no sound on the stones. In fact, he made no sound at all. The guards parted at once for this stranger and he strode unimpeded through the doors into the king’s throne. He did not pause, or kneel at the King’s feet, but instead made a small bow. The King nodded in acknowledgement.

“Did you persuade the boy?” the stranger’s voice was a growl.

“No. He says that he is in love with a girl.”

The man in the cloak hissed quietly. “A girl? Which girl?”

“I don’t know. But tell Aric that he has competition. He will need to be even more persuasive.”

“You must set a tail on the boy. Someone he would never suspect.”

“Of course.”

The man in the hood then turned and strode out of the throne room without another word.



Aric Yarrowson arrived the next day. He was a handsome boy with long, dark hair and large brown eyes. The man in black met him as he dismounted the palomino he was riding.

“The boy is showing reluctance,” he said without preamble, “and the bumbling king is useless in persuading him. He thinks the boy likes a girl.”

Aric removed a pair of riding gloves and tucked them into his pocket. “We need a tail. Someone to find out who he is enamored with.”

“I told the king that. But I doubt he will.”

“What about the little girl you told me about? Didn’t you say that you saw him talking to her?”

“Possibly. How do we know we can trust her?”

“We don’t. But from what you said she doesn’t have anyone else in the world, so why not?”

“You are wise beyond your years, highness.”

“See to it that it is done,” replied Aric brusquely.



Andromeda hurried down the street. The man in black had seemingly done his job well. Now the little girl was, for once, not running from Jasper but searching for him. And she was very effective at finding people who did not want to be found, having spent so much of her life hiding. Soon she was following Jasper down an alleyway. He was, unusually, quite alone.

Andromeda scrambled up the side of one of the houses in the alleyway and crouched on the roof, where Jasper was unlikely to spot her. She saw Elena coming from the other end and guessed that they had come here to be alone.

Elena said something quietly and Jasper shook his head. Then he put his arms around her neck and their mouths locked together. Andromeda soaked all of this in with the air of a child watching an especially riveting performance. She stared from the rooftop as Jasper slid his hands under Elena’s dress and she moved her mouth against his. When they finally broke apart, she stayed put until the sounds of footsteps faded, then leapt lithely down the building and set off down the cobbles.

The man in black was still occupying his usual post outside of the castle. When he saw Andromeda he gave her a significant glance and then swept off towards a more private area. She followed him at a trot until they had reached a grove of trees that was deserted.

“Did you discover anything?” the man in black asked. Andromeda nodded and held out her hand. The man handed her a sticky cinnamon roll which she devoured. She carefully licked her fingers, making sure that she hadn’t missed a crumb. Finally she looked up at him.

“Jasper likes Elena. They were in an alleyway together.”

“Elena? Daughter of the Earl?”

She nodded.

“Follow Elena. Find out when she is alone, and where. Then there will be more food for you.”

The little girl nodded again and set off at a trot. The man in black put his head in his hands. “Daughter of the Earl,” he muttered to himself.



“The King is having a ball.” It was shouted by messengers. Posters were put up. Everyone in the kingdom who wasn’t living at the bottom of a well knew it. “The King is having a ball for Prince Aric Yarrowson. All are invited.” The word was spread far and wide, and many eligible men were wildly excited at the prospect of dancing with a prince.

“The King is having a ball,” Barnes told Jasper during his lesson the next day, “It is for Aric, but also for you. It is your task to woo Aric during the ball.

“I have told you, Barnes, I don’t want to woo Aric. I like someone else.”

“It is not your choice, you stubborn fool,” said Barnes, annoyed, “You must do what your father says.”

“Why does he care so much?”

“He wants an alliance with West Pines. And I suspect other, more sinister motives. I have heard talk of war with Qillon. You know that West Pines is in a very tentative relationship with our nation at the moment. Your father may plan to use you as a pawn to secure their loyalty in an attack to seize the rest of the continent.”

“And if I would rather not be a pawn?”

“You have no choice, Jasper. I see it best for you to partner Aric. At least then you would have a happy life away from your father’s control.”

Jasper sighed heavily. “Why can’t he leave me be with Elena?”

“Your father is a very conventional man. He would never accept a straight son. Go to this ball and please your father. I’m afraid that as crown prince you don’t have much of a choice. In the meantime, I would stay away from Elena. Your father is watching your every move. And I don’t want trouble for either of you.”

Jasper looked sulky. “I hate being a prince.”



Elena arrived at the ball promptly when it started. Jasper arrived at a quarter past. They went in together, although not as a couple. A boy was conversing with Jasper’s father, the King. He was tallish with dark hair and brown eyes. The King beckoned to Jasper to come over. Leaving Elena, he obeyed.

“Prince Aric Yarrowson of West Pines, allow me to present my son, Prince Jasper Baldricson of Iona,” said the King loudly.

Aric made a low bow, which Jasper, returned. Then, as was custom, he kissed the other Prince’s hand.

“A pleasure to meet you,” said Aric.

“Likewise.”

“May I have this dance?”

Jasper glanced at his father, who gave him a stern look.

“Of course,” said Jasper, as courteously as he could manage. Aric took his hands, and led him to the dance floor where others cleared a path for them. It was a slow, sad song, and Jasper and Aric assumed the traditional position and began the customary dance. As they began everyone else cleared off the dance floor to watch the two Princes dance.

“It brings me great joy to meet you at last,” said Aric as they performed simple combinations of dance steps. He had a lilting accent that was a signature of West Pines.

“I hope that your journey was comfortable? And your rooms are satisfactory?”

“Yes, very much so,” replied Aric. He squeezed Jasper’s hand lightly.

“Your family is in good health?”

“Very well, thank you for asking.”

They continued to make small talk, of the sort that people in high courts everywhere use.




Meanwhile, a young woman, a member of Prince Aric’s party, had sat down with Elena at the back of the hall. The rules of etiquette did not permit her to refuse this arrival. The stranger was dark, like Prince Aric, and very large, but soft-spoken. After a half hour of chat, the woman, who had introduced herself as Kamala, said:

“The night grows warm; would you accompany me outside, Lady Elena?”

Elena did not wish to accept but once again could not decline. Kamala took her arm and led her out of the castle into the grounds. Elena walked with Kamala through the gardens in the dusk, until they were deep within a grove of trees where there was no one else around. There Kamala took Elena’s hands.

“You are very beautiful,” she said quietly. She leaned towards Elena, and Elena didn’t pull back quickly enough. Their lips met, and at the same moment there was a flash of silver and Elena crumpled. A small silver needle was imbedded in her neck.

“Nice work,” said the man in black, stepping out of the trees, “that was very slick. You have a nice touch.”

“Thank you,” replied Kamala, “now we must make it look as if she had an accident. Or better yet, we could frame King Baldric.”




“The Lady Elena is dead!” cried Kamala, bursting into the ballroom. The ball was almost over; most of the guests had departed. Prince Aric and Prince Jasper were in conversation in a corner, the King was being brought a drink by one of his concubine-slaves. When he heard this, Jasper turned pale and the goblet he was holding shattered into hundreds of glass shards. Aric stood up and went to meet Kamala.

“By whose hand?” demanded the King.

“The girl!” cried Kamala, “the little girl!”

“Which little girl?” asked someone.

“The little white girl with the pet Ribbit!”

“Andromeda!” bellowed the King, “someone find Andromeda!”

The ball had turned to chaos in a few short seconds. Jasper was sitting numbly in his chair, ignoring the fact that his hand had shards of broken glass sticking out of it and was bleeding on his fine robes. Aric was talking quietly with Kamala. No one else was paying attention to their whispered conversation.

“You’ve covered the evidence?”

“Yes. We’re framing the girl, with the King behind it. This is the story that you must impress upon Jasper.”

“Yes.”

Aric returned to Jasper’s side moments later. He took the numb boy by his uninjured hand.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” he said kindly, leading Jasper away. The two young men went to Jasper’s chambers, where Aric carefully picked the glass out of Jasper’s hand himself as no slaves were available to perform the task. Then he washed Jasper’s hand and bandaged it in white gauze. Laying him down on the bed, he sat next to the shocked boy and stroked his hair comfortingly.

“Why?” Jasper asked, blindly.

“Your father, my love, your father,” replied Aric. He knew that this news would upset Jasper, but also that now was the time to plant the seed in his head that would grow.

“My father? My father wanted to kill her? Why?”

“Because she is a girl and because he sees her as a threat to your success.”

Jasper had no response for this, but buried his head in his hands and sobbed silently. Aric rubbed his back comfortingly.




Jasper was crying inconsolably, a stranger trying to comfort him and at the same time influence the rest of his life. The King was searching for Andromeda. Andromeda was hiding with Polly, wondering why the entire kingdom was armed and searching for her. Elena lay dead and bleeding in the King’s garden. Kamala was telling her story again and again to anyone who would listen. And the real Aric Yarrowson was just waking up.




Aric (the real crown prince of West Pines) opened his eyes. His neck felt very sore. He tried to rub it, but found that his hands were shackled and couldn’t. He was in a dark room and could hear the sounds of water dripping. As his eyes adjusted to the dim light, he realized where he was, and noticed that he was surrounded by other shackled human figures in various stages of decay. This was his castle dungeon, a place he had visited only once before when his father had taken him here. He had never wanted to come back.

Aric tried to yell for help, but all that came out was a croak. His throat was so dry that he could barely make a sound. It was infuriating to hear water dripping everywhere but not be able to have any. Even worse was the knowledge that nobody would come down into this hellhole until he was long expired from thirst.

Nothing was moving in the crypt. The body next to him looked as though it had been dead for the last few years. A skeleton was all that was left on the other side. There was a terrible smell in the dungeon, along with the infuriating sound of dripping water, and the cool, clammy air that stuck to Aric’s skin.

Memories of what had happened before he fell unconscious started coming back to Aric. There was a boy who looked a great deal like him, and a large, dark girl. It was the girl who had sent him into the land of unconsciousness, he thought maybe with a needle of some sort. There had also been a man in black. The man had said something to the effect of:

“They’ll never find him here. And our Qillon will triumph over the fool Kings, seeking to unite their kingdoms against us.” Aric realized now that the boy who looked like him must have been an actor from Qillon, sent to impersonate him and win Jasper’s heart.




Unfortunately, the true Aric was realizing this a bit too late. The Qillon actor was in a perfect position to convince Jasper to assassinate his father and take revenge on Andromeda. And Andromeda was far too timid to speak up for herself. Qillon had done their job well. The Kingdom of Iona was falling.




However, the Qillon imposters had missed one piece of the puzzle. Barnes hurried along the corridor, as he always did, muttering to himself. However, today he wasn’t muttering about physic problems. He had more pressing concerns. Barnes knew enough about diplomacy to realize that there was something very fishy going on. And he knew Andromeda well enough to know that there was no way she was behind this all. Of course he knew the role she had played, but she was not capable of killing a girl, of this Barnes was sure.

Barnes tapped on the door and then entered. He took in the scene at a glance. Jasper was lying on his bed. He looked broken, diminished, in a daze. It was hard to tell if he was even conscious. The handsome imposter was sitting on Jasper’s bed, stroking his hair and planting kisses on his forehead and cheeks. Barnes looked closely at him. No, this was not the boy he had once seen at a court ball those many years ago. This boy had some of the same features, but was not Aric Yarrowson.

The imposter looked up as Barnes entered. He was taken aback to see him there, but remained in character.

“This poor boy needs peace and quiet, please,” he said politely but firmly.

“I must speak to him in person, your highness,” said Barnes, bowing. Barnes’ voice seemed to revive Jasper somewhat.

“Barnes?” he croaked, hoarsely.

“Yes Master Jasper,” replied Barnes, “I must speak to you.”

“Please give us a moment, Aric,” said Jasper weakly. Aric left the room, closed the door, and leaned over to listen in at the keyhole.

“Jasper, that man is not who he says he is,” said Barnes in a voice quieter than a whisper.

“Who is he?” asked Jasper vaguely.

“I don’t know. But he is not Aric Yarrowson. And I think he is plotting to overthrow our kingdom. I think he is Qillon, and I believe that his goal is for you to kill your father to avenge Elena. He wants you to think that it is your father’s fault.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No, Jasper, no. It was done by the spies from Qillon. But now it is time for them to leave.”





TEN YEARS LATER


A young man and a teenage girl approached the graveyard. They were both carrying flowers. As they entered, the girl took the man’s hand and squeezed it comfortingly. He squeezed back, grateful for the pressure.

They approached the grave, a small marble circle set into the ground. The girl laid her flowers down and stepped back a pace, but the man knelt at the grave. The flowers were gold and glowing slightly. As they touched the ground, tendrils shot out and dug into the soil, rooting themselves firmly among the other flowers that adorned the grave. Luminescent lilies had always been Elena’s favorite.

His eyes filled with tears as he thought of her. His darling Elena. Of course, she had been avenged. But that only softened the blow slightly. Jasper was wearing a full crown on his head now. His father had died two years ago, making him King. He was still single, and would be for the rest of his life.

Andromeda also shed tears as she stared at the place where her sister was buried. Poor Elena. The two of them visited this grave and that of Jasper’s father regularly. They brought flowers to plant. The kingdoms were in peace, the imposters executed, Aric Yarrowson restored to power. But there was sadness in the kingdom of Iona for the lives lost, the souls extinguished.
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a psychologist.
  





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88 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2290
Reviews: 88
Tue Jun 21, 2011 3:34 pm
ZannaShepherd says...



Ok I'll make this quick cause I have to leave, but I thought your story was very well written, and the plot had a nice twist to it. I only got half way through so I'll be back later to finish, these were the errors I came across so far.

A group of adolescents was making their way up the street.
I think were in place of was, sounds a little smoother.
When they finally broke apart, she stayed put until the sounds of footsteps faded, then leapt lithely down the building and set off down the cobbles.
Did you mean that she waited for his footsteps to fade, just needs to be a little more specific.
I'll be back!!
In order to write about life, first you must live it!

Ernest Hemingway

Hmm, must be why I only write fantasy, that's the only life I've ever lived.
~Zanna
  





User avatar
88 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2290
Reviews: 88
Wed Jun 22, 2011 11:03 pm
ZannaShepherd says...



OK I'm back. I finished reading it (finally, I hate not having internet!) and the ending was great! I only found a couple more things, that seemed noteable to mention.
Prince Aric and Prince Jasper were in conversation in a corner, the King was being brought a drink by one of his concubine-slaves. When he heard this, Jasper turned pale and the goblet he was holding shattered into hundreds of glass shards.
You could put, and, before the King, or not.
Also you keep calling Jasper a boy, and than a young man. He's old enough to be thinking about marrige, and I'm getting a totally mixed image of him. I'm just not sure how old he's supposed to be.
“They’ll never find him here. And our Qillon will triumph over the fool Kings, seeking to unite their kingdoms against us.”
Did you mean, foolish kings?

Sorry, I'm still horrible at reviewing, and I'm more of a pain then a help, but I felt that all in all, this was a great short story!
In order to write about life, first you must live it!

Ernest Hemingway

Hmm, must be why I only write fantasy, that's the only life I've ever lived.
~Zanna
  








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