Young Writers Society

See the novel : Battle Of The Hopeless for this please:)

Hi Polly. I liked this part. Your prose was methodical, blunt, and objective. On the downside, I'm not a fan of books in which the storyline centers around ghosts and spirits. Nitpick time:

polinkacreations wrote:I have always wondered what the outside world feels like now

I know english isn't your first language, so i'll let you off. Otherwise, this is badly written. It should go more like: I always wonder what the outside world is like.

polinkacreations wrote: a butterfly land on my finger

This is unrealistic. Butterflies land on peoples' fingers in fairy lands, not generally in real life.

polinkacreations wrote:lifeless body

he's still alive - right? Then he isn't lifeless! Try something like: limp ect


Those were the only things I found. On the whole, good grammar and prose. Well done!
~ Alia