Young Writers Society

The Watermelon Fairy






When I was a little girl, my father once told me of a lady. The ladies name was Basil, yet the townspeople proclaimed that she smelled more of mint then basil, but back to the story. Basil was a beautiful young woman that lived in a small village far far away, the one between Princess Belle's village and the seven dwarf’s cottage. So Basil was loved by all of the townspeople. All the men fancied her and the librarians never even hushed her for speaking in the library.

Even thought she was loved by many, she was awfully poor and had to live on top of a terribly large mountain that overlooked the town. So when she needed to go to the market in the town below, she simply stepped out into the yard and unclipped a watermelon from the ground.

It was told that she practiced witchcraft on her watermelons. For they were large enough for her to slip inside one and roll down the hill. They were practically large enough to carry your grandmothers old rocking chair.

So when she would come down into the village, the little girls would whisper to their mothers, "Mama! The Watermelon Fairy is here!" They would greet Basil and sell her some goat milk. When they occasionally let the words "Watermelon Fairy" slip out, she would simply smile and laugh.

When her good friend, the prince Zachary would visit her, she would always ask,

“Why do they call me a fairy? I do no magic. I grant no wishes?”

And every time he answered, “Because of your wispy blonde hair, pixie-like nose, elfish ears, and your sparkling eyes and magical smile.” For, you see, Prince Zach did fancy his dear friend Basil. But he knew that he could not win her over with flowers and chocolates but sheer wit.

One particular morning, Basil felt a longing for her old mother that lived at the very bottom of the mountain, so she put on a coat, tied her shoes and slipped into the largest watermelon in the garden.

She rolled down the mountain with success, until she came to a sudden halt. She heard a growl come from outside her melon.

“Who is this man that I have the pleasure of speaking to?” she asked aloud.

“I am no mere man.” Replied the growling voice. “I am a wolf.”

Basil showed no fear when she answered. “What may I do for you kind wolf?”

“For you know it is the snowing season, therefore there is nothing to eat, and I am very hungry!” he howled. “Come out of your melon and I will eat you quickly with no pain.”

“Wait!” she pleaded. “I shall allow you to eat me after I come back from my mother’s house. You see, I am quite poor so I am only skin and bone. Allow me to pass and when I come back you may eat me.”

The wolf agreed and pushed her down the mountain.

But soon, she stopped again.

“I do not usually have this much problems when I travel to town, who has stopped me on my trip?” she pondered.

“It is I, the mighty bear.” A husky voice replied.

“Oh my!” she gasped. “Well, my furry friend, I demand to know why you have stopped me! For I must finish my journey before sundown.”

“Silly child.” The bear chuckled. “It is the falling season, so I am running out of food. Now you have come with your meat and juicy melon. So what do you expect me to do, but eat you?”

“Please! I am all skin and bone. As soon as I go to my mother’s house, I will be well feed and meaty and eatable. So spare me for now and when I come back you may eat me.” She explained.

The bear agreed and pushed her down the mountain.

The sun just began to sink, when she was stopped once again.

“Who is it this time!” she sighed loudly.

“Um, it is I! The…”

“Let me guess,” she whined. “are you a snake?”

“No.”

“A monkey, perhaps?”

“No, Madame. I am simply a lion. The king of this mountain…”

“Do you live on the top of the mountain as I do?” she snapped.

“No…”

“I did not thinks so. So may I guess why you have stopped me on my journey?”

“I just wanted to eat you as my night snack.” The lion replied.

“Oh, well I was thinking that you were going to offer to buy me a Big Mac. Okay, I shall only explain this one more time. I am going to my mother’s house. When I come back you can eat me. Is that okay with you?”

“Of course.” He agreed and pushed toward the old woman’s cottage.

After two weeks of enjoying her mothers lovely company, she slipped back into the watermelon and pushed up the mountain.

When she met the lion, she asked if he could eat her at her cottage. He agreed and pushed her up. When she met the bear and the wolf once more, they agreed to push her up as well.

When she took them into her house she took a moment to freshen up. She brushed her teeth and rinsed her face and redid her long blonde hair.

When she walked back into the living room, she saw a shocked Prince Zach, staring in horror at the wild animals, dead on her Persian rug.

“Would you like some stew, my prince?” she asked, heating boiling water.

They sat at the wooden table and sipped the stew.

“May I ask what is in this?” the prince asked in disgust.

“Oh, just some lion, wolf, and bear.” Basil replied.

The prince gagged and pulled an orange piece of the great lions main from the stew.

“Do not worry my dear, just add some salt.” She giggled.

“What did happen to these poor animals?” He asked. She replied by telling him the remarkable tale.

“You knew all along that they would end up arguing about who was to eat you and would end up killing themselves, and you outwitted them!” the Prince chuckled.

“Well, I got the malicious idea from you. You see, I remember once you told me about the three seamstresses that wanted to create you that lovely suit to wear to the ball.”

“Yes!” Prince Zachary exclaimed. “They wanted it so much that before I hired them, they fought each other by creating a suit and I did not even have to hire them, they created three wonderful suits all by themselves.” He laughed.

“Oh my dear prince, I have adored you ever since we met at the market and I fought you for those onions.” She smiled. “Would you like to take me to dinner tomorrow?”

The Prince was completely baffled. He couldn’t utter a word or simply nod his head.

“I will assume that was a yes. Wonderful! I will see you tomorrow night at your castle at seven. Now get out.”
The End!

Ok, first of all, I think this was really good. I love how she slides down the mountain in a watermelon. The image is just really funny in my head.

One thing that confused me was when she mentions a big mac. If they don't have cars yet or anything, I don't think there would be fast food restaurants either. When she said that it really distracted me.

That's really the only thing that I have to say! I loved your story!

First of all, I agree with the last reply. The Big Mac did quite shock me, 2nd of all at the ending of the story you finished it quickly. You need to take your time and finish when it is calmed down. And is the Watermelon Fairy good or bad? I cant understand this. I thought that the watermelon Fairy was good at first but sudenlly the story twisted around and she killed the animals or did something to them? But lets get back to the ending. heres what I think the ending should be,Or something close to that,

So then Prince Zachary sat down at her wooden table. He had a confused look on his face. The watermelon fairy sat down quietly across form him and spun the bowl of stew over to him. The prince stared at it in discust."My dear Prince," she said. "Lately peasants have been taunting me,asking if I am wrong or right or if I was right to be a person living here. And if I belong.Is there possibly any way your people can tell me if They are right, Or if I belong. Or perhaps a crystal ball in your kingdom that can tell me in my thoughts?"
"Unfortunately, the people of this land can not tell you, and to sorrow, I do not have such of a crystal ball I can help you with but, You can follow your heart and soul." The prince answered.
Basil sat there quietly and took a sip of her stew and stared above at the night sky and then quickly turned her head to Prince Zach.
"I have been thinking about our land. And I truly cant answer if I belong. By any chance can you tell me?" She asked.
"I truly think that you belong here, You are the one that keeps our village alive and growing." He said back. the prince knelt on one knee and asked pulling out a box, " Basil, I know that you do not like couples but, I do. Mabey you could be my Watermelon fairy?" He asked, and opened the box. a Gold ring Lay inside it. Basil nodded. They swung around each other. And all ended out well. The end.

But the details in the story is divine, Great job overall!!!!!!

~pixie2~

Hi! I loved your whole fairy tale vibe with this. It just made me smile. I definitely agree with the previous two reviewers about the Big Mac. Maybe a cup of tea or something.
On to nitpicks:

When I was a little girl, my father once told me of a lady.

For me, this opening felt out of place. You mention the father, but you don't follow through with the idea of a childhood story. I would leave this first sentence out and just start it: "There once was a lady," or add more about how he told the story etc.

The ladies name was Basil

It should be "lady's," and you misspelled Basil somewhere down the line. I'll point it out if I can find it again.

yet the townspeople proclaimed that she smelled more of mint then basil, but back to the story

I would put this in parentheses since it's sort of a side-note. I also don't like that conjunction. So it would read along the lines of "The lady's name was Basil (the townspeople proclaimed that she smelled more of mint than basil - but back to the story)." Remember, the period goes outside of the parentheses if it's included in the sentence. If you want those to be two separate sentences, then you need the period inside the closing parentheses. You also should have used "than" instead of "then." "Than" is used to compare two things (ex. "I am older THAN my sister). "Then" is used in sequencing events (ex. I visited my grandmother and then my uncle).

she was awfully poor and had to live on top of a terribly large mountain

For my taste, you have too many adverbs in this sentence. I would get rid of "awfully" or "terribly," especially since they're synonyms.

large enough to carry your grandmothers old

"grandmother's"

When her good friend, the prince Zachary, would visit her, she would always ask,Quotation on same line

“Why do they call me a fairy? I do no magic. I grant no wishes.”

hey would greet Bazil and sell her some goat milk.

Found it!

Basil felt a longing for her old mother that lived

"....who lived...."

“Well, my furry friend, I demand to know why you have stopped me!

"Demand" seems a bit out of character for her just yet. I don't think she's that irritated yet. She has shown no signs of exasperation previously, so I would wait until the third interruption. Third time's a charm.

From this point onward, I felt as though you got a little dialogue-happy. There was just so much of it, I found myself skimming. You need to show us more of what's happening, and not tell us.
Also, how does she push herself up the mountain? I know she has the animals' help, but what about the times earlier in the story? I guess it's not supposed to be scientifically accurate. I'll stop rambling now.

The ending did feel a little rushed, and I was really confused about the death of the animals until the prince mentioned it in dialogue. How would you feel about telling us the remarkable tale, or at least summarizing it, before the prince and Basil start talking? It's entirely up to you.

Try to vary your sentence beginnings a little. If you read through, a lot of your sentences start with nouns. Fiddle around with starting sentences with prepositional phrases, adjectives, subordinate clauses, etc.

Overall, I though it was a very cute story. I though there were a few inconsistencies in Basil's character, but other than that it was wonderful. Good luck, and if anything above doesn't make sense, or if you have any other questions or comments, feel free to shoot me a PM. I hope to read more from you soon!
Best wishes,
-Sea-