Young Writers Society

He awoke. The sound of silence resounding in his ears as the lasting vision of a dream clouded his mind. The scent of slumber hung apparent in the air and like a feather on a zephyr, it was gone. Rose petal skin pressed against his, softly lulling him back towards sleep. Two mined about the prospect of arousing out of the sanctuary of his bed he lay a while on the Egyptian thread pillow case pondering about what lies ahead, and a moment after he swung his legs over the edge and arose.
The scent of soap and aftershave clung to his freshly bathed flesh as he stood in front of a length full mirror. The sight of a bohemian bronzed torso wrapped in a loose cotton towel stared back at him. Beads of water droplets glistened in the dim lights of his room as he ran is artistic fingers through his mangled hair. He soon felt the sensation of soft warm flesh wrapped around his torso as the vision of a curly haired maiden appeared from behind. Her sleepy smile and coffee coloured eyes made her look so innocent and desirable all at once. Her soft whisper tickled his ear as she teased him back into bed. Reluctantly he kissed her Goodbye.
The scent of salt and searing concrete invaded his nose as he strolled down the busy street. Crowded with street merchants and playful minded children, their lyrical laughter and simplicity made him smile with the reminiscence of a time long ago. When one’s day was bursting with street soccer and dripping ice cream, when the desire to stay up till the break of dawn was quickly overcome by the desire to ride the waves of a dream, when life was life to be so austere.
Consumed by memories of the past he unconsciously bumped into her. A maiden so fair that the beauty of a rainbow could not compare, her raven black hair and sultry sweet smile hypnotized him, causing his heart to feel as if it had run a mile. With a voice like a siren and lips like a vixen she lured him closer. With doing so he could not help but admire her form. Built with a body like Venus, her voluptuous curves leaving his mouth watering to taste, embarrassed by his thoughts he smiled sheepishly.
Hours have passed since they first met and with the tide rolling in and the sun beginning to set he knew the time would soon approach for them to part. The Spy clung to his maiden as he kissed her goodnight. A kiss so sweet and full, a tear came to her eye, for she herself knew that the time would come when she’d break his heart, one beat at a time.

Hello!

Well, before we get onto reviewing the story, can I please suggest that you type the title properly. Typing it like that is not only strange, you wouldn't find it printed on a book (unless, of course it's significant to the story, then it that case, it's fine, but, I didn't see what the crazy capitals and underscores have to do with the story) so don't do it. It also makes you look unproffesional and rather childish.

Now, onto the story itself, I found that it jumped around a bit. In the first paragraph, it's about the character waking up. At the second paragraph, he's somehow bathed himself, yet, we haven't read about this. This is rather jolting and makes me pause, read it again to finally understand what's happened.

Through the end of the second paragraph, the main characer left the girl and in the third paragraph he's somehow out in the streets. And there's no mention of him exiting the place or anything. However, that's not as jolting as the first transition, it's not unused either, but when it's used I find that the authors put the three asterix or something like that. Kind of like this:

...Reluctanly he kissed her goodbye.

***

The scent of salt and searing concrete...

That makes the transition smoother and more logical.

Back to the previous topic, after the third paragraph, it quickly changed into a flashback in the fourth paragraph and straight after going back to the past, it talks about the future.

Do you see how the story jumps around quite a bit? I'd really suggest that you read the story aloud and see if it makes sense or not, because remember, the readers don't know live in your head, what seemed obvious to you may not be to them. I find that reading it aloud or going it through several times over really helps me to find any bits that seemed strange and unconnected.

The mood you've set in the story,however, is really good; it's got this kind of mysterious, mystical feel to it. So, that's really good. Keep it up!

OK, first off, I have have to say you did a great job with the description, everything was so vivid and colorful and I wish I had half of your talent for such in-depth description, I could picture everything, so great job with that. The way you jumped around gave it a dream like appeal, as if he was in his own little bubble or something. Your writing has great potential!
I only found a few mistakes, and they're just little typos, that are easy to fix.

Two mined about the prospect of

I think you meant minded.

on the Egyptian thread pillow case pondering about what lies ahead, and a moment after he swung his legs over the edge and arose.

First off I think you could leave out case as that's a given, and secondly you need to change lies, to lied, because you're writing in the past tense to start off, and lies is present tense, a mistake I do all of the time.

as he ran is artistic fingers through his mangled hair.

is should be his, just missed a letter.

Reluctantly he kissed her Goodbye.

Goodbye, should be lower case.

Good luck, keep up the great work, and have fun!

It was good, but don't fall into the trap I do a lot. You needn't have put a capital letter on goodbye, unless it was:

"Goodbye," He said reluctantly, kissing her cheek

But, he isn't actually speaking.

And why is the title all... crazy? Unless it was significant, I'd suggest not to do it.

Oh, and noticed while reading it that it skipped a lot. One minute he's up, the next out of the shower. I know paragraphs signify a change of topic, time, or place, but maybe give an introduction to the fact he has just had a shower.

Well Done.

The scent of soap and aftershave clung to his freshly bathed flesh as he stood in front of a length full mirror.

It should be a full length mirror.

He awoke. The sound of silence resounding in his ears as the lasting vision of a dream clouded his mind. The scent of slumber hung apparent in the air and like a feather on a zephyr, it was gone. Rose petal skin pressed against his, softly lulling him back towards sleep. Two mined about the prospect of arousing out of the sanctuary of his bed he lay a while on the Egyptian thread pillow case pondering about what lies ahead, and a moment after he swung his legs over the edge and arose.

No offense but the only thing I understood was he woke up, egyptian pillow case and he gets out of bed. I don't mean to be harsh. It is a good story. But I just didn't understand the first paragraph. I like your descriptions and the emotions.

Hi! Okay, first, what's with the underscores??? (in the title, that is) I really like the imagery you use in this; your descriptions are excellent. This is great! Keep up the great writing!