Young Writers Society

"Elika! Don't stray to far!" My mother called out behind me. I turned, she was standing in front of our little house, with the white wrap around porch and the swing where I had spent all morning.
"I won't Muma!" I called back.
I ran down the short hill towards the barn. "Papa! Papa!" I called out as the grass tickled my legs. My dress floated around me as I ran and my bare feet smacked the ground loudly.
"Yes my little Lika?" Papa said smiling as he walked out the barn. His eyes twinkling. He knew what I wanted.
"Papa!" I said laughing at our game.
" Would you like me to guess? Hmm, you want an egg!" He said walking towards the chicken coop.
" No Papa! " I said shaking my head my long black pigtails hitting my face. "Guess again !"
" Oh, well do you want some milk?" He asked chuckling as he picked up Clarieabelles' bucket.
" No Papa!" I said wagging my finger at him like Muma does to me when I get dirty. Papa laughed loudly scaring away some geese."Guess again!"
"Oh I know what my little Lika wants. Elika would you like to accompany me to Reflection?" He picked me up and carried me to the barn.
Papa sat down in his Reflection chair his beard scratched me as I snuggled in to his chest.
" Are you ready?" He asked me smiling .
" I would be glad to accompany you to Reflection." I said smiling back my tongue poking out the gap in my front teeth. I closed my eyes as he began telling his story. I didn't hear his words. I was in Reflection. Where everything down to the littlest flea was backwards.

" Elika's back Elika's back!" I heard cries of joy and muttering everywhere. I looked around at the little backwards houses. The doors swinging open and shut. Here the people were invisible.
" Elika!Elika!" I felt a tug on my pants leg.
"Oh Rose!" I exclaimed picking up my little friend. Rose was a plant, she was a prized plant and not a rose at all. Rose was a weed.
"Oh I missed you!"I said to Rose. "I've missed you all!" I said louder laughing, as someone grabbed my arm and twirled me around. "Your a wonderful dancer!" I said as we twirled my short blonde hair bouncing.
"Thank you my lady" The invisible man said as his lips brushed my hand.
I looked around at Reflection. Here flowers from Mumas' garden grew all over and weeds grew in gardens surround by little orange fences. A little brook ran backwards and up a small waterfall.
"Lets go to the carrot and potato trees." I said to Rose.
"Oo! Oo! Let's go! My cousin Lavender said she was going to be there! Rose said eagerly.
Oh no Lavender. Rose adored her but she was to stuffy. Like an old rich house cat.
"Okay if you want to." I said less happy about going. We set of walking down the black side walk -

"Roberto!"

Mumas' voice jerked me out of Reflection. "Your not telling her those fairy tales about your mirror place are you?" I looked at Muma she was holding a broom and she looked like she wanted to hit Papa with it.
" It's called Reflection!" I said defensivly.
"See Roberto? She believes it! She only six you can't tell her fairy tales, she believes them!"
"But Marianna-"
"No! Elika go to the house."
I didn't move. I wanted to go back to Refection.
Muma sighed "Please Elika. Go?" She said softly.
I stormed out. I stomped up the hill and through the field. I ran up the three little steps I had named, Kee, Bee, and Nee. I slammed the door then ran down the hallway towards my room. I stopped quickly and slid on the hardwood. I got up and walked back to the mirror hanging on the white wall. I stared deep into the mirror touching the cool glass. For a second I thought I saw Rose looking back at me. I searched every inch of the room I could see through the mirror. No Rose. My head hung as I walked slowly down the hallway toward my room.

Hi there!

Aww this is so darn cute! I really like this idea of the reflection. I think the only negative thing I have to say about it is that you have too much dialogue. What you seem to be doing is what I think is 'hiding behind dialogue.' While dialogue is awesome, it's not useful when all you're saying is 'papa' 'muma'. In fact, it gets a bit annoying and redundant after a while. I suggest deleting it.

Instead of having a bunch of useless dialogue only to raise the word count, put in more description. I have no idea what this place looks like. Since rose is a plant, can you not see anything in this land? Because plants are all around us, especially weeds where I live. xD But if this is this complete alternate universe where things are opposite, then everything is going to be different. We as readers have no idea what it would look like, since it's in your mind.

And then, I know I shouldn't really ask this because it's annoying, but I want to anyways. How does she see Rose in the mirror if she's invisible? Don't really get that. Also, they're invisible in this land but she's not? Also, I'd also like to see the grandfather's (I think?) reaction to this place. I would like a better impression of this place after all. I'd write about 200 more words of this just describing this new world. It's hard to realize when you're writing but the more important part about creating a new work is to make it so others can understand it without your explanation.

I really like this! Keep writing,

Classy

Very cute. I do agree with the above comment slightly, it's not that you have too much dialogue, it's that you have too little of the other stuff, the amount if dialogue would be fine if you had more text. Also, I agree, I would love to hear more about the 'Reflection' world. Also, unless I missed it, I didn't see where she was 'taken' (for lack of better words) out of the mirror world by her mother's voice, it was like she was in the mirror world and her mother started talking, I wasn;t able to tell, at first, whether she was in the real world or in the mirror world. Overall, though, it was very good and cute, and I hope to see the ending of this. Thank you for a very cute story, I think the little girl made my day, I am a very visual thinker, and when you talked about the girl smiling with her tongue through the space in her teeth, I saw my little sister from a few years ago. Thank you for that.

Aww, that was pretty cute. As both people have said before me, there is a bit too much dialogue, compared to what there is with descriptions and etc. I think you'd be able to keep most of the dialogue, but just break it up with descriptions and character actions. A few good descriptions and some of Elika's thoughts and reactions to the magical world Reflection would make it come across as even more magical! Be as creative as you want, you're inventing a six year old's imaginary world.

Also,you should clarify a few things, like what can and can't be seen in reflection, and things like that. Those are just a few little things you might want to consider. It shouldn't be too hard.

Best of luck, and hope this helped!:D

For simplicity's sake, I'll do this sort of like a markup. Red is something that needs to be changed or added, and blue is a comment.

"Elika! Don't stray too far!" my mother called out behind me. I turned. She was standing in front of our little house, with the white wrap-around porch and the swing where I had spent all morning.

"Yes, my little Lika?" Papa said, smiling as he walked out the barn. His eyes twinkled. He knew what I wanted.
"Papa!" I said, laughing at our game.
" Would you like me to guess? Hmm, you want an egg!" he said walking towards the chicken coop.
" No Papa! " I said, shaking my head my long black pigtails hitting my face. "Guess again !"

Omit the spaces after the quotation marks. Also, 'shaking my head my long black pigtails hitting my face' is a run-on sentence.

" Oh, well do you want some milk?" He asked chuckling as he picked up Clarieabelles' bucket.
" No Papa!" I said, wagging my finger at him like Muma does to me when I get dirty. Papa laughed loudly, scaring away some geese."Guess again!"

This sounds at first like 'Papa' is saying "guess again." Consider putting the dialogue before his laughter.

"Oh I know what my little Lika wants. Elika, would you like to accompany me to Reflection?" He picked me up and carried me to the barn.

This is a very minor detail, but it doesn't seem like he 'goes' to Reflection with her. Thus, she doesn't really accompany him...

Papa sat down in his Reflection chair. His beard scratched me as I snuggled into his chest.
" Are you ready?" He asked me, smiling . [Omit space after 'smiling.']
" I would be glad to accompany you to Reflection," I said [consider using 'replied.' There are a lot of 'saids' in this story] smiling back, my tongue poking out the gap in my front teeth. I closed my eyes as he began telling his story. I didn't hear his words. I was in Reflection. Where everything down to the littlest flea was backwards.

" Elika's back, Elika's back!" I heard cries of joy and muttering everywhere. I looked around at the little backwards houses. The doors swinging open and shut. Here the people were invisible.
" Elika!Elika!" I felt a tug on my pants leg.
"Oh Rose!" I exclaimed, picking up my little friend. Rose was a plant, but she was a prized plant and not a rose at all. Rose was a weed.
"Oh I missed you!"I said to Rose. "I've missed you all!" I said louder, laughing, [omit comma here] as someone grabbed my arm and twirled me around. "You'rea wonderful dancer!" I said as we twirled, my short blonde hair bouncing. [If this if intentional, consider explaining why her hair is long and black in real life, but short and blond here.]
"Thank you, my lady," the invisible man said as his lips brushed my hand.
I looked around at Reflection. Here, flowers from Mumas' garden grew all over and weeds grew in gardens surround by little orange fences. A little brook ran backwards and up a small waterfall.
"Lets go to the carrot and potato trees," I said to Rose.
"Oo! Oo! Let's go! My cousin Lavender said she was going to be there!" Rose said eagerly.
Oh no, Lavender. Rose adored her, but she was too stuffy. Like an old rich house cat.
"Okay, if you want to," I said, less happy about going. We set off walking down the black side walk -

Muma's voice jerked me out of Reflection. "You're not telling her those fairy tales about your mirror place, are you?" I looked at Muma. Shewas holding a broom and she looked like she wanted to hit Papa with it.
" It's called Reflection!" I said defensivly.
"See Roberto? She believes it! She's only six. You can't tell her fairy tales, she believes them!"

This was very sweet, and I like the idea of Reflection as a backwards world. OVerall, It had a nice simplicity to it. However, I agree that a little more description would do wonders for it.
Keep up the good work!