Young Writers Society

So, my word is 'North'. This story is what came to mind when I thought Cheers, Luxe

***

The northern star had always been with her. It always called to her, like a pull in her blood that could not be ignored. Each night she would look up into the night sky, freezing wind tossing her hair around her face, and she would pray to it. Always she longed to go home, to the star that she had once belonged to. Her people had cast her out for her love for a man that could never have been hers. She could never go home; she had been banished for life.

Her body was always drawn to it. All the years she had been cursed to live on Earth and still she glanced up at her home. She missed her sister who would frolick with the glowing flowers in the fields behind their home and her mother who was always there to comfort her. The man who she thought had loved her until he betrayed her. He had told the woman he was betrothed to about their love affair, and she had gone to the highest authority: the Queen. It was law that once a man was promised to another woman, no one could touch him. The Queen had sentenced her to life of immortality amoung the humans. Humans who were so ignorant that they believed that the star was nothing but a ball of gas billions of miles away.

And yet she now lived with them, moving from place to place as she needed to in order to protect her secret that she would never die. Always though, she lived where she could see her home, mostly in the Canadian mountains where she was closer to the sky.


Tears rolled down her cheeks. No more swimming in the glittering Ocean of Peace, no more late nights with her sister talking about anything and everything. It broke her heart. The only people who had been remotely sad were her mother and sister. They wept uncontrollably as she was tossed from the star down to Earth.

The hole in her chest was too deep to stand. She looked up at the star in the sky one more time, facing North all the while. Then she looked down the ledge of the cliff that she was standing on and wiped her tears away. She was not afraid to dieshe would be brave.

Silently, she sent a prayer that her mother and sister would live happy lives. Then she closed her eyes, stepped towards the abyss, and through herself over the ledge.

The northern star had always been with her. It always called to her, like a pull in her blood that could not be ignored. Each night she would look up into the night sky, freezing wind tossing her hair around her face, and she would pray to it. Always she longed to go home, to the star that she had once belonged to. Her people had cast her out for her love for a man that could never have been hers. She could never go home; she had been banished for life.

Her body was always drawn to it. All the years she had been cursed to live on Earth and still she glanced up at her home. She missed her sister, who would frolic with the glowing flowers in the fields behind their home, and her mother, who was always there to comfort her. The man who she thought had loved her until he betrayed her. He had told the woman he was betrothed to about their love affair, and she had gone to the highest authority: the Queen. It was law that once a man was promised to another woman, no one could touch him. The Queen had sentenced her to life of immortality among the humans. Humans who were so ignorant that they believed that the star was nothing but a ball of gas billions of miles away.

And yet she now lived with them, moving from place to place as she needed to, in order to protect her secret that she would never die. Always though, she lived where she could see her home, mostly in the Canadian mountains where she was closer to the sky.



Tears rolled down her cheeks. No more swimming in the glittering Ocean of Peace, no more late nights with her sister talking about anything and everything. It broke her heart. The only people who had been remotely sad were her mother and sister. They wept uncontrollably as she was tossed from the star down to Earth.

The hole in her chest was too deep to stand. She looked up at the star in the sky one more time, facing North all the while. Then she looked down the ledge of the cliff that she was standing on and wiped her tears away. She was not afraid to die. She would be brave.

Silently, she sent a prayer that her mother and sister would live happy lives. Then she closed her eyes, stepped towards the abyss, and threw herself over the ledge.

A few notes:

--Some words repeat too much, like "always."
--What is it that prompted her to kill herself so suddenly? If she'd been praying for years, it means she still had some sort of hope... What made her change her mind?
--The bolded bit has to do with POV. How does she know that they cried?

Overall, I really like this piece, and would've liked to see a continuation of it. If the main character hadn't offed herself, that is. :p

Hi ya!
So Theodcyning got pretty much all the nit-picks. I really enjoyed reading your piece. It was sad but touching nevertheless. I thought it was funny, but in one of my novel's a girl who is associated with stars is thrust down to earth (for a different reason) then another girl is kicked out of heaven and she longs to return to the people who rejected her. It's just intriguing to find people with similar tastes, probably means I should read more of your work, lol. Keep up the good work.
~Dakota Knight

All nitpicks have been previously picked at, so I can't say anything about this other than I really like it- and I don't like many really short story clips.