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Dextra



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Sat Jun 04, 2011 2:07 am
Payne says...



Dextra

© 2011 by Payne


Dextra stood before Lord Gannan, her posture straight and her hands clasped tightly behind her back. She looked him in the eye, but kept her expression respectfully neutral. She smiled a little with the knowledge that, had anyone else stared so directly into his maroon eyes, they would have spent a night in the dungeon.

“Have you ever heard of Emerald’s Peak?” he asked.

“No, sire.”

He turned and leaned over the table, unrolling the map lying on it, using stones to weigh it down. “Come.”

She went to his side and peered at the map of the continent.

Gannan pressed one slender finger to a spot in northern Nebrune. “Here. It is a small village, not marked on most maps.” He sighed wearily. “It was rather difficult to locate.”

Dextra nodded. “Sire, isn’t it nearby our base in that area?”

“Yes.”

“Why don’t you have one of the superior officers there carry out the mission?”

“They’re incompetent,” the Half-Elf said simply. “Do you remember Rancour?”

“That fool is still alive? I see your point, sire. I will set out for Nebrune tonight.”



Dextra Blackblade was Gannan’s best—and only remaining—assassin. As she stepped into the moonlight, she was hardly recognizable as a person. Her shadowy cloak swept the ground with only a whisper. Her hair, cropped to chin-length, was coal black. Everything about her, except for her pale skin, was like ink.

She walked softly to the stables and selected her own steed, a sable stallion.



When she arrived at the Nebrune headquarters, the sun was just creeping over the horizon and dappling the forest ground with light. A sentry was dozing on the ramparts of the fortress, completely unaware of her arrival. She shook her head in disgust, considered climbing up to kill him, then decided against it and tied her horse to a tree. Instead of waking the sentry to gain access through the gate, she scaled the rough stone walls and quickly found Rancour’s bedroom window. Applying a small amount of oil to the hinges, she eased it open. Fool. He doesn’t even lock his window at night?

She slipped into the room, where the skeletal man was quietly snoring.

She drew the sword for which she was named; the blade was newly-sharpened, and gleamed like a Honey Locust thorn. With a deft flick of her wrist, the tip of it was tickling his throat.

Rancour’s snores died away, and she saw his eyebrows knit together.

“Don’t flinch,” she purred.

His eyes shot open, but he stayed stock-still. “Blackblade.”

“That’s captain, to you.”

“What do you want?”

“My master wants me to do what you can’t.”

“The girl? We can handle—”

“Silence!” Dextra growled, drawing a bead of blood just below his jutting Adam’s apple. “Tomorrow, you will have one of your soldiers direct me to Emerald’s Peak. There will be no talk of me amongst the men, and my name will be known only by those to whom I decide to tell it. Understood?”

“Understood, Captain.”

“Good.” She withdrew the blade and slipped it back into its sheath, stepping away from Rancour's bedside. “Now, I suggest you be a proper host and find me a place to sleep.”


The next morning, Dextra was greeted by a man she vaguely remembered as being an idiot. Then again, she viewed most of the men around here as idiots. I do hate the countryside.

“Morning, Captain,” the man said, puffing his chest out like a rooster. Dextra half-expected him to throw back his head and crow. “I’m Lieutenant Stephen Turner. I’ll be taking you to Emerald’s Peak.”

“Oh, you will?” Dextra replied with icy calm. “I don’t take orders from dogs like you, Lieutenant. I will eat, bathe, and clear the damned sleep from my eyes before we go rushing off into the wilderness.”

He gulped. “My apologies, Captain. I’ll be in the main hall when you’re ready to set out.”



Darren Turner was forcing down a chunky bowl of porridge when the stranger entered the dining hall. She looked different from the other men and women who filled the ranks around here; she had the razor-edged look of someone who not only makes a living out of killing, but enjoys it immensely.

He instinctively hunched over his bowl, trying to be as small as possible as he watched her.

She strode over to the cook, seemed to speak to him rather menacingly, and took a seat nearby.

The cook, a mountainous man with more scars than his cutting board, looked noticeably shaken afterwards. It was an unusual sight.

Darren had almost choked down the rest of his food when Larson flopped down next to him. “Did you see that woman?”

“Aye,” Darren answered as off-handedly as possible; Larson sought every opportunity to 'take offense' to Darren, and either hit him right away or wait for a less expected punishment.

“She’s a real cold killer, I hear.”

Darren nodded. “Cook looks terrified.”

This earned him a hit to the shoulder. “Are you insulting him? He's the one who keeps your scrawny ass from going hungry, little brother.”

Darren bit his tongue, focusing on his food. “Right. Sorry.”



Dextra’s breakfast consisted of a runny and pale-yolked egg, some sort of meat, and something resembling a three-week-old slice of bread.

No wonder these people are worthless.

She ate as much as she could, then met Lieutenant Stephen Turner in the main hall. “Let’s get this over with so I can be rid of you.”

He was evidently used to delivering insults, not receiving them, because his face flushed and he cleared his throat thickly. “Er, right, Captain. This way.”



She followed him on horseback through the northern forest, until he dismounted and tethered his horse to a tree. “Just a little farther,” he said quietly, glancing around. Finally, he stopped just in the shadows of the treeline, and pointed. “Emerald’s Peak.”

It was a bustling, quaint little village in a clearing, nestled up against the foot of a cliff. But the town wasn’t Dextra’s target. “How much do we know about this girl?”

“She has two close human friends—”

“Why do you say 'human'?”

“Ah, you don’t know the history.” There was a hint of smugness in his voice.

“Then educate me,” she snarled.

“Of...of course. The creatures there are very nearly human. They speak, they reason, they interact.”

“Hmm. That does me no good. Tell me about the humans.”

“Well, there’s Aurora Cortland, the daughter of the Patriarch. She’s popular with most of the villagers.”

Dextra shook her head. “I can’t go after someone that important. It’d be foolish in so many ways.”

“There’s also Larissa Fleming. She’s very responsible, very trusted. She often keeps the Sommer girl in order.”

“Trusted, eh? That’s my girl. Now, what does she look like?”

“There she is now.”

Dextra grimaced slightly. The girl was prim, with pretty golden curls and a sickeningly sweet face.

She yanked the lieutenant back before the girl saw them; she was headed straight for the forest.

“It can’t be this easy,” Dextra said quietly. But yes, the Fleming girl was blissfully unaware of what was waiting in the shadows.

She veered left, then crouched to gather mushrooms.

Dextra waited until just the right moment, then pounced. She slammed the girl to the ground, wrapped a hand around her mouth, and knocked her unconscious with a single hit.

She dragged her back to where the lieutenant was waiting. “I’m not keen on looking like this for a couple of months,” she grumbled. But if Lord Gannan is so determined to exile the Sommer girl, so be it.
Last edited by Payne on Fri Nov 11, 2011 7:57 am, edited 5 times in total.
  





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Sat Jun 04, 2011 6:57 pm
DakotaK says...



Hi Payne,
So I will be reviewing your piece today *bows*. I'm definitely not the best critiquer but let's start off with a few nitpicks I spotted while reading, 'kay?

Dextra stood before Lord Gannan, her posture straight, her hands clasped behind her back


It seems a little stiff... I would try something like:

Dextra stood before Lord Gannan, her posture straight and her hands clasped tightly behind her back (just a suggestion)

She met his maroon eyes,


Ok, this is something I use to do that someone pointed out to me, you're personifying the eyes. So what you're saying is that she just got to meet his eyes... I wonder what they had to say? No, I'm joking, but when I learned about it I went through my novel and found it in a bunch of places, and seriously started laughing! Most instances can be replaced with "gaze" or: she looked into his maroon eyes, or something like that.

the sun was creeping over the horizon


I liked the description:)

blissfully unaware


Just curious... why was he blissful?

she upscaled


gleamed like a thorn


I would compare it to something that actually gleams, and maybe something a heck of a lot deadlier than a thorn... as always; just a thought.

She followed him through the forest, a bit surprised that he knew his way around so well.


The single sentence is a little...weak to support the passage of time that passes from her eating breakfast, to reaching the peak.

Ok, so I really enjoyed reading the story. Other than the little nitpicks I pointed out I felt it was well written and intriguing enough to keep me reading. Keep me posted if you write more and PM me if you have any questions.

~Dakota Knight
What is important is to know fear and yet take a step forward.
Rosette Christopher

Looking for peeps to review my novel:)

novel.php?id=1142
  





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Sun Jun 05, 2011 8:17 pm
Derek says...



I really liked this piece and will be following it out of interest in the storyline.

Your writing is very good, I'm jealous. Your dialog is engaging and detailed as well as your scenes. I felt it was very easy to imagine it happening in my head. You described your character well as well as other characters. Honestly, I don't have any real critiquing to do here. As I read I wanted to know more about the world. You placed just enough for the characters to obviously understand the world they were living in, where we wouldn't, without confusing us. I'm looking forward to finding out what happens.

Keep in mind, a great thing about fantasy is that the world is yours. It's not a true world and it can be anything you want it to be. There are no limitations. So never conform to "this is too unrealistic"(to a certain degree...).

Keep writing!
  





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Fri Jun 10, 2011 11:09 am
Bromthebard says...



I love your style. You give very vivid details, the imagery you put into my head is great. I can see, feel, and hear the story, I feel as if I'm there, thank you for a great story. I enjoy reading your writing, I hope you continue with this story, I think it's great. The nit picking was already done by other people, so no need for me to do it too. Good luck in the future with your writing. May you be shielded from Writer's Block. Overall great story, you could keep going with this and make it a book, or make it a companion side story for a book. GREAT JOB!
I am.... a New Age Inkling! We must continue the fight for young authors, for it is the brave mans part to write with glory or with glory be rejected! (taken from a fellow New Age Inkling, Highlander)

Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book. ~Author Unknown
  





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Sun Jun 12, 2011 9:43 am
SirenCymbaline says...



Pure brilliance. I usually pick literary artworks for the title and undertitle without really noticing who the author is until I click on it. I LOVE how you start your handiworks with
Dextra
© 2011 by Payne

It kinda makes me feel like it's a musty old paperback that I found in a crumpled old box in a forgotten, time-forsaken hidden room. Love it. “That fool is still alive? I see your point, sire.” Love this line. Possibly my favourite one.
The girl was prim, with pretty golden curls and an almost sickenly sweet face. Also awesome. I like Dexta. I like assassins. Especially female ones. She is clever, skilled and has a brilliant disposition. I love it. I'll be seeing your portfolio soon......... Haha. Keep writing. I want to see MORE of DEXTA!
Bad souls have born better sons, better souls born worse ones -St Vincent
  





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Wed Jun 15, 2011 7:49 pm
Ranger51 says...



I am completely jealous.

I adored this piece!!! The style alone is amazing! I loved the blunt, disapproving mood in the city - it was a splash of cold humor in a beautifully dark sea. I also loved Dextra herself - a very cold, untouchable character who you can't picture befriending anyone. (Plus, female assassins are just always awesome.)
I really hope to see more of this - I'm on the edge of my seat wondering what Dextra's plan is, what the people are going to do, and, most of all, who this mysterious girl is. I'm really eager.
Keep writing!!
"We need not to be let alone. We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real?"
-Fahrenheit 451
  








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