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Perseus: Prologue



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Mon Feb 07, 2011 4:42 am
Warrior Princess says...



So I have this massive project for Astronomy that requires me to write a story re-telling a constellation myth. I chose Perseus, since he's always been my favorite character from Greek mythology. Even though I already knew the story, I credit wikipedia.com as my source to avoid accusations of plagiarism. Hope you like it!

Danae tugged at the lock for what seemed like the thousandth time that night. It was no use, of course. Her father would be far away by now, no doubt sleeping peacefully, convinced that he was safe. She sighed and slumped against the wall. If she'd been born a boy, none of this would have ever happened. King Acrisius wanted, and had always wanted, a son; but in eighteen years, all he and the queen had been able to come up with was Danae. Tired of waiting, her father had finally gone to the Oracle at Delphi. But the Oracle didn't tell him what he wanted to hear. Instead, she had informed him that he would be killed by his daughter's son.

Danae ground her teeth in frustration. She didn't even have a husband or a lover; much less a son. That must be what her father was trying to prevent, then. If she stayed locked away from the world all her life, she could never have the son Acrisius feared so much.

She looked up at the slowly turning constellations scattered across the heavens. At least she still had the sky. The stars gazed coldly down at her, blinking silver against the blackness. But there was something else--a patch of particularly bright stars that were unlike the rest. They were gold, the most brilliant gold she'd ever seen, and they seemed to be getting closer. Danae stared, mesmerized, as the stars floated downward, until they were falling all around her like a golden rain. She gasped as they sank effortlessly into her skin, her blood glowing like fire.

* * * * *


Two months passed. Finally Danae realized the awful truth. She had no idea how it could have happened, but there was no denying that she was pregnant. She clutched her stomach in terror. Her father would kill both her and her child the moment he found out--so he could sleep at night.

Seven more months passed, and the baby was born--a boy. He was beautiful, golden-haired and blue-eyed, quite the opposite of Danae's dark features. She clutched him and sobbed, knowing that the very next time her father came to her cell, he would know the truth. And sure enough, within the week, he did.

Danae looked her father in the eyes defiantly. "Do what you will," she said. "The gods are watching, and you know as well as I do that they will punish the shedding of innocent blood."

"I'm not ignorant of the ways of the gods," he sneered. "Neither your blood nor his will be on my hands." He turned to the guards who stood in the doorway. "Take them away."

They dragged her, still holding her son, down to the beach, and Danae's heart nearly stopped when she saw the wooden chest. It was just big enough for a person to fit in. She panicked and clawed at the guards, but they forced her into the chest and slammed it shut. The lock clicked. She felt them push the chest out into the water. Then everything went black.

She awoke in pitch darkness. The chest rocked back and forth fitfully, and she could hear the waves crashing against the sides. She screamed for help until her lungs burned, ignoring her son's frightened cries. When her voice finally gave out, she lay in the silence, shivering and methodically stroking the boy's hair. "I haven't named you yet," she murmured. She wished he could understand her. He was such a lovely child; he deserved a name that would set him apart from others--whether in life or death. A name worthy of Zeus himself.

"Perseus," she whispered. "Perseus."

The child looked at her, his ocean-blue eyes gleaming in the darkness.

* * * * *
You must be swift as the coursing river,
With all the force of a great typhoon,
With all the strength of a raging fire,
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon.
  





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Mon Feb 07, 2011 4:48 pm
Elong451 says...



Very well retold. In the part where zeus rains down on her is the best part. How long does/can your story be? i wonder if you could discribe the comings and goings of the father and how she hid her pregnacy from him. or zeus's voice telling her it will be ok. Over all great story. I absolutely adore greek mythology. especailly if the stories are retold differently.
to be continued.....
  





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Mon Feb 07, 2011 6:33 pm
Ranger Hawk says...



Hey Warrior! I saw the title of your story and just had to review. :D

Okay, so great start so far. I felt like a few part were hurried through and just glossed over, such as when she discovers she's pregnant. A lot of telling going on here, not showing, but since this is a prologue, which tend to be pretty tell-y, I think it'll be just fine.

Two months passed. Finally Danae realized the awful truth.


"Finally" makes it sound like she's become aware of changes within her body, which you haven't mentioned here. It just feels like you've left something out. Perhaps you could reword it to something like, "Two months passed before Danae realized the awful truth."

The child looked at her, his ocean-blue eyes gleaming in the darkness.


There'd have to be some kind of light source for there to be a gleam, right? Might want to mention if there's a slit where the sunlight can come through or something.

Well, that's all I have to say. Beautiful writing and good pacing so far. Please PM me when you post more, I'd love to read it! :D
There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people:
psychopaths and mystery writers.

I'm the kind that pays better.
~Rick Castle
  





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Sat Jun 11, 2011 6:09 am
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Skylar16 says...



This is a very well written story. It made me feel like I was there with her, feeling what she was feeling. I always do like it when people retell the old myths and stories and it's different than how you would expect.
I can't wait for more! Well done!
When people ask me, why are you so weird, I never know what to say. Then I think, why should I be like this when I can be like ttthhhiiiisss?
  








I'm also not sure why but even though I normally wear cool tones I have a feeling red would have been my color in the 1860s.
— Elinor