Young Writers Society

I'm going to use speaking in this story, so its fits with the other 3
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Cytre looked around at her surroundings, but she only saw that she was trapped in a white room, with no windows, doors, or anything a normal room should have, just white, and quite, nothing more than the sound of her breathing.
she yelled out to see if she could get any form of reply, but once again silence followed.
By this time she was getting aggravated and scared, she realized she had no sword, so she did what she always did, she let out a massive scream and barged her shoulder into the wall a couple of times, but the wall remained as it had before, UN dented or scratched, just white.
But then a soft voice called out to her, this voice made her feel alot calmer, it was as if she was taken away from this trouble and placed on a beach with her family. Her face lifted a smile, and when the stranger had spoken more words it had calmed her down completely. then the soft mysterious voice called out to her, but Cytre felt as if she had heard it all her life.
"you know what you must do"

Back at the scene of the battle a unit of orcs were scavenging anything of interest. but then a bright glow light the air, and cytres corpse raised its self from the dirt, and when her feet had hit the floor, and her eyes had opened, the tainted land woke up as well, the tress picked them self up and leaves grew in a matter of seconds, herds of flowers had swamped the grass, and the lake had filled its self with water once more. Cytre awoke from her death, with her eyes glowing blue and her blond hair shining behind her. The scavenging orcs were quick to realize that they had a new enemy, they could smell her from a mile away, and they all simultaneously charged at her. But she just stood there, the orcs were waiting for her move, and they stood there for about ten minutes waiting for something to happen, then the orcs charged, she simply raised her hand and ten of the green skinned minions flew back into the ground, and didn't get up afterwards, she then turned her attention to another group of her enemies, she stepped back and narrowly dodged the Axe of her enemy, she raised her left hand and blasted three of the orcs with fire, and they burnt to the ground, she then raised her hand and lightning hit the sky, it shot into every orc around her, sending them to there eternal slumber.

after that skirmish she looked around at the land scape of the ruined castle, but as she stared into the wreckage she saw a white horse emerge from the dust, galloping to Cytre, then stopping, the horse then moved his head as if to say to get on his back, so she did, and as she was looking at the horse, she saw a magnificent blade, it looked as if it was crafted from the finest dwarven smith in the world, its light blue handle was encrusted with rubies and diamonds, and its blade was cold to the touch and inscribed in runes. The blade when translated read: bane of darkness, the light will shine through.

After a day of hard riding traversing the rocky out-crops of the mountain side, she saw the lords fortress in the distance.
and for every step that took her closer to her destiny, she was more certain that she would free the world, for the voice in the distance told her she could, and she trusted this voice, for she had heard it for most of her life, every time she saw an enemy this voice spoke to her, and let her overcome any true evil.

she had dismounted her steed and has walked closer to the massive iron gates, she ran her hand across the surface of the towering doors, and they simply slid open, by this time every orc and troll had realized that Cytre was back and they rushed to the gate to greet her in an unfriendly manner. Cytre looked at her surroundings and realized she was not alone, and that people where on her side, for behind her marched the same army that had died at the hands of the crystal, they felt as calm and as strong as cytre had, and she had faith that some one up there was watching her back, and she knew who it was.

The dwarven army had fired there massive cannons and had prepared for the fight, the vast number of orcs charged into the dwarven lines, while cytre steed had picked her up amongst the sheer numbers of her rivals. the horse had dropped her of at the tower entrance, she then dismounted and looked up to see the tower of which fairy tails are made of, its massive black bricks holding torches and flames into the night sky.

Cytre walked through the front door, and spun her sword into the neck of an orc and ducked and sliced into the gut of another one. She ran further and further up the stairs felling more orcs along the way, for every step she took another orc had hit the floor, until she finally made it to the top, she looked into the eyes of the two cloaked tower guards, as they rushed forward into her, she dived to the left and blasted one with fire and threw her sword into the gut of the same guard, and as that one fell she grabbed the blade of the other one and slammed his head into the wall, then she grabbed her sword and sliced straight down, from head to toe. She took in a deep breath and then barged through the door to reveal Ciyalion
"Its time you payed for what you did to my family" Cytre looked into the hands of the lord, to see that he was holding the crystal.

She charged forward and her silver sword meet the black metal of a mace, she then jumped back and rolled under his mace and tried to slice into his back, but he swiveled to face her, and the silver sword swung past his head, they smashed there weapons into each other several times before they became locked into a power struggle.
Cytre could fell the heat of the candles as they burned away slowly, and she could fell the wind as it blew her hair, and she heard the clashing of metal form outside. She took in a deep breath and rolled under the lords mace once more, she then kicked the crystal out of his hands and she blasted it with her fire, she then plummeted her sword into the top of his head. a minute past of silence, then the lord just fell to the floor, and all of the candles blew out.
An hour had past and the dwarves were celebrating their victory, by this time the sun had shone through.
Cytre rode towards the dwarven king on her steed, and said a quick far well
but the king protested and asked where she was going, and she simply said home.

a week had past and she had made her own tomb, she closed the door form the inside and she laid down onto the bed of straw, she closed her eyes, and a smile spread around her face, and she never woke up again, for she had found peace, in heaven with her family, where they stayed in eternal bliss.

out of the evil armada range , this was the worst

only joking , or am i .

no , i was joking this was the best youve done so far , you kept the descriptive crap to the minimun ( stuff like; the bright moon shone like a luminous mushroom )

what through me off was ;

in paragraph 3 you used ' blade' three times were you could of used sword , or long shiny object .and there was other repetative stuff.

an incredibal amount of this is from lord of the rings ( if you have not read or seen it i scensirly apologize) like the Orks, the white horse, the tower ,the crystal ,the man holding the crystal ect

but the ending was good but i suggest a word other than eternal bliss

i dont really see how it compares to lord of the rings, i mean the only thing that has been compied are there orcs and dwarves, i took the witch king perspective for the lord though, and as for the horse, there are laods of white horses, and i think a white horse would be better than a black/brown one to show that she has assended, but ur entitled to ur opinion
(by the way im micheals friend in real life, but i dont go to ur school)

Do you think you could get rid of some the hyphens? It is really screwing up my browser when it's displayed on the front page.

i knew it , so your his friend he talks about all the time . i suspect for micheal to be your friend your very,very rich . Do you plan on staying on this sight or are you gona wither away like the the butt of a florecent maggot , like Micheal did . You and I are of a kind , we have a wierd friend , Micheal . In another reality , i could of called you friend. copyright futurama TM

About Micheal and the rich thing, that was joke . And whats an Ewok.

best one yet, the series has improved your writing, the more writing you do the better you will become. Well done.

ok 3 things:
yes griffinkeeper ill use less hyphons next time
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thank you adam for helping me along the way
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and dynasty what was up with you bad mouthing black-templar on his story, he has an equal right to use this sight as much as you do.
(and a ewok is the small furry thing on star wars)

i don't get it how was I bad mouthing Micheal , if you mean when i said his story was crap several times that was a joke , also an act of revenge for what he wrote on my blog.Or if it was the thing about the maggot that was just a randomness , has no meaning. And i cant remember me saying somthing about him not having a right to go on the sight, but your right , i shouldent insult those who are taller than me .

ok then lol, it was when he wrote the old drawf road, you posted some stuff he would never do.
but if your sorry then its ok.

Dynasty cow wrote:i don't get it how was I bad mouthing Micheal , if you mean when i said his story was crap several times that was a joke , also an act of revenge for what he wrote on my blog.Or if it was the thing about the maggot that was just a randomness , has no meaning. And i cant remember me saying somthing about him not having a right to go on the sight, but your right , i shouldent insult those who are taller than me .

If you use vulgar language in a literary forum, then you are breaking the rules. This forum is for critiques; not retaliation. You retaliate on this forum, then moderators like me will all over you.

ok, ill stop. sorry.