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Young Writers Society


Guile Academy



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139 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 990
Reviews: 139
Sun Jan 15, 2006 3:27 am
Torpid says...



Really just a little bored, time killing practice write.


Boto carefully slid down the thick rope, landing withought any audible sound on the padded floor of the practice room. The room was nearly pitch black, it was to help adjust the student's eyes to extremely low light situations. He crouched down slowly, his fine tuned warrior instincts shouted out to him to guard his flank. He shuffled quickly and quietly to the back of the room and cupped his hands around his mouth. Coo...Coo....He bounced the sound around the square chamber and smiled. He had been wise to study his ventriliquism days earlier.

Then there was a loud series of thuds and thumps in the darkness, someone had just been elimated from the contest. There was no time to worry about who it was though, he sensed someone moving in closer from his left, he unsheathed his wooden practice dagger and held it in his mouth as he scaled up the handholds firmly mounted along the walls. Seconds later, a flicker of motion and a tense exhale of air gave his attacker away. They had pounced on his former position, expecting him to be there, how foolsih they were.

Boto grabbed his dagger and jumped down from the wall, landing on a fellow student. He quickly ran his dagger across the enemies body in a fatal series of maneuvers. If it had been a real blade, the man would have died within seconds. The student fell to the ground, knowing he had just been elimanted from Master Shimoto's contest. Boto however, moved on along the wall. Then his keen ears picked up the hiss of a pressure foot trap and he dove forward, dodging two blunt crossbow bolts. He came up crouched behind a stack of rice.

As he prepared to move to another position, knowing thta the game was soon coming to an end, he felt the slightest whisp of air graze his face. He corkscrewed a jump backwards into his attacker, bringing them to the ground, trying to find the quickest way to end this deadly encounter. They both rebounded and crouched low to the ground. Boto leaped up and snapped out a head level kick. It was blocked and returned by a series of lightning-fast punshes. Boto deflected these and managed to throw his attackers arm's wide. He snapped out an unbelievably quick punch and connected, with a breast. Now he knew who he was facing. His friend Yoki launched a kick as she stumbled back, connecting with Boto's groin. By the time he had stood back up, still breathless, still feeling as if a testicle had lodged itself in his stomach, Yoki had her wooden dagger against his throat.

Torches were lit, bright doors were opened as instructors came into the practice room, led by Master Shimoto. Students unable to walk were carried out, two servent girls wiped blood off the floor and Boto could make out what looked like Yoki being awarded before he closed his eyes.
  





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14 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 14
Mon Jan 16, 2006 9:26 am
Eyes says...



Hey it was good ! :D
There were a few things that I don't think are quite perfect !

feeling as if a testicle had lodged itself in his stomach


:? THAT was a bit wierd!!

......lightning-fast punshes

A typo I think.

I liked it though. :wink:
  





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820 Reviews



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Mon Jan 16, 2006 3:46 pm
Myth says...



I'm not much good at critiquing other peoples work but, even though this was quite short, I liked it because it kept me interested throught the short scene. I'd like to read more if you do continue.
  





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139 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 990
Reviews: 139
Fri Jan 20, 2006 9:11 pm
Torpid says...



i dont think ill continue it, it was really just a thought that came into my head. im actually quiting a lot of my stories right now anyways. (i hardly ever continue a story for a long time)
  








In short, Mrs. Pontellier was beginning to realize her position in the universe as a human being, and to recognize her relations as an individual to the world within and about her.
— Kate Chopin, The Awakening