Young Writers Society

Long ago when the world was still young, there was no light and all was darkness. The many different races of creatures could never tell the days apart. To them it was, simply put, “darkness to darkness.” Myriads, Dryads, Elves, Dwarves, Humans, Faeries, Sprites and more were the main inhabitants of the planet of Earth. [Earth? This sounds like a fantasy story. Generally, you want to avoid using Earth as a setting, unless you're prepared to mix real history with your own imagination]

Today [This "today" reads so oddly. Maybe write "one day"?] was a particularly dark day, [wouldn't every day be completely dark if there's no light?] but the gusting wind seemed to make things gloomier. Finally, fed up with the darkness, the chief council [Err, what chief council?] decided to hold a meeting under the light of torches. [So it wasn't ACTUALLY always dark? I think that any presence of light in so insignificant a context clashes with a story whose name is Darkness to Darkness] By holding this meeting they hoped to make a plan to bring light to the world. “We must bring an end to the darkness,” One of the council members shouted. His hands slammed on the table as he spoke. “I had a dream last night. It showed me of two people, whom will bring our village and the whole world light. They are my grandchildren.” The members of the council gasped, for this man who had been talking to them was the head council member.

Although he was a human, who were always considered an inferior species, he had been made a leader by his genius and good judgment. [Riiiiiight. The dwarves and the elves wouldn't have a problem with this? I think this is the fantasy equivalent of Caligula appointing his horse as one of Rome's senators. I'm pretty sure this kind of thing would start a civil war] Out of all of the races the humans were ranked the because of their low fighting skills and intelligence. [Are you writing about a video game? "Fighting skills" and "intelligence" are such broad and silly attributes that it's hard to take them seriously. Perhaps "human steel would buckle and fail under a fine dwarven mace of Mithril, and human philosophers could never stand a chance against the sharp Elven mind"?] The members soon began to gossip and talk amongst themselves. Orion of the Elven sect was the first to express his discontent. “How can his grandchildren do this? For are they only a boy and girl of thirteen years of age. Surely they are too young to accomplish such a task.” With a wave of his hand the council leader silenced the group. “They will bring light, for I have foreseen it in my dreams. Laura, Martin, please come here.” A young boy and a girl came forward at the elder’s command.

Short blonde hair grew on the boy’s head. [You're making his hair sound like a plant. If you absolutely must describe his hair (and I don't know why you'd want that to begin with), then write something simpler, like "The boy had short blonde hair"] Around On his body he wore a cream colored tunic with britches to match and reed sandals. The girl’s long brown hair draped onto her shoulders, touching part of the blue robe she wore. On her feet she also wore sandals like her brothers. They both looked at least thirteen and were twins. But as people could see, they looked nothing alike.

“Yes grandfather. You called,” they both answered as they stood in front of him. The wisened man groped around in his pockets [I don't think you should ever use the word "grope" unless it refers to somebody's private parts - because that's the association it brings up for most folk. Considering he's reaching into his pocket.....] as he instructed them. “Listen, my dear grandchildren. You are the ones who will bring light to the world. To do this you must go to the east side of our village and go on top of the highest hill there. Take these rings with you for they will be needed to accomplish your goal.” Each of the children was given a ring.

Martin was given a ring with a shining yellow stone set on a gold band, and Laura was given a ring with a silverish silver stone on top of a band of silver. [Silver on silver? Heraldry 101: Don't ever put one metal on top of the other. Garnet on silver, ok. Silver and diamond, go for it. Silver and gold? No. Silver and silver? Triple no. Read the Rule of Tincture, if you want to know more] Quickly thanking their grandfather they grabbed a torch and set out for the east end of the village. As soon as they left the building, they quickened their pace. Eager about getting to get to to the hill, they talked as they went.

“So how are we supposed to bring light with these rings?” Laura asked. “Grandfather said that these rings power would only work through a great act of love. [Um. No he didn't. When did he say that? ...are you not telling me something?] I guess we’ll just have to wait till we get there to find out what they do.” It took some time but they finally arrived at the hill, [Just like that? You're not going to tell us about how they got there, what dark, gnarled trees they saw on their way up, and how the eternal darkness of the sky felt like a great weight upon their poor, 13-year-old souls?] their path up the hill being lit dimly by lanterns. When they neared the top of the hill they became aware of the cries of a young child. From the bottom [...the bottom? Weren't they up on a hill?] they could make out the distinct outline of a young boy.



With all the speed of children that children are capable of, they ran up the hill till the pale light of their torch illuminated part of the hill. [Hill, 'till, ill-uminated... Are you doing this on purpose? ] The boy had locks of curly blonde hair, fair skin, and was wearing a robe as white as the purest snow. Martin squinted through the torchlight to make out the features of what seemed to be a second figure next to the boy. His keen eye managed to pick out the features of the figure. While slender in figure this thing seemed to have a large head, with sharp bits of flesh jutting out of its body. How gruesome this thing looked made it evident it was far from human it was a creature, a beast of some sort. [A beast that's either dead or undead, by the sound of it. Flesh "jutting" from it? Not, say, "protruding"? I don't think flesh can "jut", really]

Laura had not given the situation much of a glance. Martin was carrying the torch and to her all she saw was the boy. Hearing his cries of sadness she ran forward to help him. A scream tore from Martin’s throat as he tried to stop her. [Uh... okay? Characterize your MCs a bit. I know she's probably going to get attacked, but I find it really difficult to care. I don't know these people. It doesn't matter if they die, not yet] He was several steps behind and Laura arrived at the boy before he could warn her.

Several times the creature brought the flat of a sword down on her back before Martin intervened. Stabbing the torch in the ground he lashed out kicking the sword out of the monster’s hand. He turned his back for a moment to check on his sister and the boy. Aside from some bruises and minor cuts they appeared fine. [If you smash somebody on the back with a sword, even the hilt (which is what I assume you meant by the "flat" of it), you're going to cause much more than a bruise]

At that time the monster returned, having found its fallen sword. Standing in front of his sister and the boy he held his hands up to grab the sword as the monster swung. Instantly he cursed his stupidity in silence. He had grabbed the sword on a whim because of having nothing to defend with. The pain uncut or not was excruciating. [Err... uncut? As in, not circumcised? o_O] It took all his strength just to keep his hands on the flat of the blade.

Unwilling to give up the monster viciously ripped the sword from Martin’s hands, cutting his hands, and thrust towards his abdomen. Martin’s mouth fell open as the blood flowed out of his hands, but couldn’t find the time to scream.

The whole hill was suddenly bathed in a bright light never seen before by any of the citizens of the village. Fleeing in terror, the monster did not strike Martin and ran off into the forest. Martin stood beside Laura, clenching his bleeding hand and looking up in wonder. The curly haired boy was enveloped in a bright white light.

There now stood a grown man in front of them. His most noticeably features were his eye and robe. The robe was as even whiter than the robe of the previous boy, and his light blue eyes expressed tender love. And unlike the boy’s hair, his was long and straight. Both Martin and Laura bowed down for they realized that this man was a being of that of the higher power.

“Martin, Laura, arise. For today you have shown kindness to someone whom you did not know. [Is that so? It didn't seem like there was much kindness involved. They just kind of ran up to the boy to check out the body, then got attacked] Because of this I will reward you and the world with light.” No sooner had the man spoke, and the rings on their hands slipped off and began to glow. The rings then soared off into different parts of the sky. Because the rings glowed so fiercely they became the Sun and the Moon. Next the tiny droplets of the two children’s blood glistened like silver and became the stars of the night.

When this was done Martin and Laura gasped in amazement as all of their cuts and bruises were healed. But when the turned around to thank the man he was gone. Martin helped Laura to her feet and together as brother and sister, they walked back to the village on a new day with light.