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The Boss



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Tue Aug 09, 2005 4:46 am
Sponson Light says...



Kraka-BOOM!!!
Slabskik and two other orks were thrown from their war buggy with an ear-deafening boom as an Imperial Tank rounded the corner of an old beat up gun factory, smoke trailing from its man-sized barrel. A great smouldering crater had replaced Slabskik's great buggy.

Looking around, Slabskik noticed one of those orks was completely incinerated in the blast, and the other one wouldnt get up, no matter how much Slabskik kicked him. No matter, the tank was advancing on Skabskik and he had to do something fast. The hull mounted gun was pointed straight at him, and before it could fire Skabskik was running strait for the nearest cover. Shots ricochet'd off the ground, and one bullet had zoomed by his head. Hiding behind a metal support column of a once-was bank, Skabskik's shoulders were so broad that they stuck out on each side. Shots still roaring around him, he noticed the sky for once was black with pollution from the Ork Bombas as they sped overhead, dropping their "cargo" onto the city. The noise of battle was beating his ear drums like a punch to a face. His heart racing like never before, his breath in his lungs, never wanting to leave.

He saw a pile of metal, perfect for a weapon. Rushing over he was shot in the leg by a stray bullet from the hull gun, a clean cut as the bullet went right through. Lumbering the last few feet he ducked behind the metal junk pile and grabbed a piece that was shaped like a butcher knife, but considerably larger and knarled.

The shooting had stopped, Skabskik could hear a human leave the tank. Two rounds of laser fire echoed around Skabskik, and with the speed and strength of an ork he raised himself rom the metal pile and heaved the giant twisted weapon as hard as he could. Blood caked the ground complemented with a groan as the human's skull was pierced and crushed by the weapon.

The large cannon did not fire again, perhaps they had run out of ammo or it would be a waste of ammo. Either way it was good for Skabskik. Grabbing another hunk of knarled metal, this time shaped like an oddly bent spear, he hobbled his way to the tank as quickly as possible, it seemed that the human that he killed operated the hull gun. The tank was slow, too slow, as it proceeded to run him over, Skabskik hoisted himself onto the hull, and with the spear like weapon he jammed it into the barrel of the cannon. They had obviously reloaded the cannon as the turret had blown off in a teeth shattering explosion that blew Skabskik 20 feet away through the air. The shattered remains of the tank lay there on the spot, and only human limbs could be seen. The resulting heat at burned Skabskik to no end, but the pain was wonderful.

Cheers and hollering were heard as Skabskik looked around dazed. At least a dozen orks had been hiding in buildings, from the Demolisher. Skabskik was about the same size, but just slightly larger due to the recent weeks of battle.
"Wot you doing hidin' from da 'umies?! I should bash yer noggin's in! I woulda expected better from da grots."
"Well boss, da 'umies did have da tank, and we wuz gettin' shot ta bits left an' right."
Boss, he liked that word, he could get used to it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Based off of warhammer 40k, err... yeah...
just a thought on a really short story, I hate writing long stories.
Last edited by Sponson Light on Thu Aug 11, 2005 3:50 am, edited 2 times in total.
You shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, instead, you should read every single book to see what every book is about before you even come close to judging its viability.
  





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Thu Aug 11, 2005 2:08 am
emotion_less says...



Hmm... It was interesting. I liked the ending...

Typos/spelling errors [or what I think are typos/spelling errors]:

Slabskik and two other orks were thrown from their war buggy with an ear deafening boom
I think it's 'ear-deafening,' but I'm not really sure...

Looking around, Slabskik noticed one of those orks was completely incinerated in the blast, and the other one wouldnt get up,
wouldn't

The hull mounted gun was pointed strait at him
straight [and you did that again a few times]

Blood caked the ground complimented with a groan as the human's skull was pierced and crushed by the weapon.
I think you mean 'complemented'? Again, not sure...

Also, there were some really long, run-on sentences, such as this one:
The large cannon did not fire again, perhaps they had run out of ammo, or it would be a waste of ammo, either way it was good for Skabskik.
You should watch out for those...

There was a lot of action going on in the story and it kind of confused me... but that's probably just because I'm a restless reader. Not bad...
  





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Thu Aug 11, 2005 3:46 am
Sponson Light says...



Yes, your a reader, and Im not a writer, I mean, look at geoffry!
Err, gonna go fix those now, thanks!
You shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, instead, you should read every single book to see what every book is about before you even come close to judging its viability.
  





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Thu Aug 11, 2005 5:51 am
Elizabeth says...



i ahte long stories too unless their'e read to me.

Slabskik... thats a funny name XD lol

it was nice still considering you said you weren't a writer.
Geoforry woulda fit in here nicely.
  








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