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Assailed #1



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Mon Jan 29, 2007 2:41 am
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Riedawriter23 says...



"So where will you go from here? You say no one will take you in?" Liza hugged her knees close to her chest and emitted a small noise resembling a no. Jon huffed out a long breath and ran a hand through her chopped hair. "You have to stay somewhere Liz. You haven't mastered your magic, you're knight training just began this year." he gave a muffled laugh with no humor attached and a cold feeling ran through her.


"I know they won't accept me Jon.. he .. they already shut me out of Jorinton. Maybe I could stay with my father. I could help him with some work on the farm and____" he cut her off.


"And what, wait for your magic to over throw you because you hadn't trained it?" She hid her face in her silk robes and rolled over onto the grass where he could no longer see her crying. He set a less than comforting hand on her shoulder. "You must Liz, this is not something you have any control over, if you did you wouldn't have been chosen___" it was her time to cut him off.


"I can't and I won't!" she yelled at him getting up from her spot and walking a few feet away just to sit again. "I just can't Jon. My magic isn't like the others. You've seen what it could do, did you want others to take the same fate as Jean? My own friend and she had to pay the cost of my immaturity. I'm 15. It’s too late for me anyway. I've missed months of my training." He sighed and then got up, walking over to her where she lay dangerously close to the lands ledge.


"You can stay with me. I have an extra room, we go to all the same classes it could work out just like last year." She laughed a little.


"You saw what happened last year Jon. We can't go through that again." She said, mentioning the time they had gotten too close after one night of late study. He nodded.


"That was a mistake, we both said it was. You need a place to stay and I'm offering one, I suggest you take it before I'm assigned someone else." She seemed to be thinking it over for a moment and then nodded hanging her legs to where Cannian's land ended in just cloud and Imageline, the immortals world, began. This had been her favorite spot when she first moved away from her father four years ago. But age and memories had slowly worn it down. The lush green grass that had one been comforting had now surreptitiously turned a sickly yellow only grazed by the beauty beyond it. She only hoped that it could procure its jubilation and comfort once more as she felt she would need it.


“I’ll stay with you, if you promise that we’ll stay friends, that you won’t let me hurt anyone else, and that I’m not wasting my time.” He gave her one of his bright smiles that lit up her insides and then grabbed her by the underarms lifting her frail body onto his back and heading for the castle they would be staying in.


“Only if you promise to stop sitting so near to the other world. Others have been lost just looking at it I hear.” She hugged tight around her neck trying not to look down from how high up she was and feeling the warm sun gently caress under her eyelids. She could feel her sensitive too bright eyes fight for companionship with the irresistible light and closed them tighter. She wouldn’t let her magic control her, if she did she would be lost and they would take over. Then everyone would be in danger.


She shook the thought from her mind as she concentrated more so on how jostled she was becoming on Jon’s back. Her head became dizzy from his talent of great speed and just when she thought she could take no more he came to a halt sliding her gently from his tall stature and back to her small elegant one. They both stared ahead at the large building and Liza took a step back teasing herself that she could leave at this moment.


“We’re here.” Jon said as he opened his arms at the landscape ahead of them as if he could take it all in a big hug. She gave a slight smile when he looked back at her and grabbed his hand as he began to walk through the large oak doors. They were greeted by a man shorter than Liz herself with a bristled graying mustache and a large pair of glasses hanging off of a small-bridged nose. He twittered around them for a moment lifting his glasses closer and farther from his eyes as he observed and then stopped shortly from somewhere behind.


“You’ll be rooming together Liza Semara and Jon Favir. Here are your class schedules,” he reached long arms between them and handed them the small white papers listed with the four classes they would have to take everyday. Liza set hers down suddenly confused.


“How did you know our names?” She asked hoping it wasn’t a rude question that she would soon be scolded for. The little man walked through them shaking his head full of fly away gray heathers and stood in front so they could see them more clearly.


“I know everything necessary about the new members of this training school. You__” He pressured a pointed fingernail against Jon’s leg. “Have the gift of speed, I heard of it from many of your high masters. I also caught word that you’d do brilliant in knight training.” Jon smiled brightly once more and gave Liz a reassuring look. “And you do not belong in the magical family, you’re not a wilin?” Jon shook his head. Most who lived on his side of the mortal world weren’t born a wilin like those in the farther lands such as Remany.

“And you darling,” he said turning his attention on Liz who tried her best to shrink away behind Jon without much good. “ You are the special one I hear. The power to control light… could even be trained to control darkness, but, you’re not trained and therefore no more special then any other member.” She forced down her glowing blue glazed eyes that only slightly showed her dark pupils from under the fog. When he realized she was uncomfortable he looked away. “Alright then, enough small talk. Now lets find your room and get you settled. Your training starts tomorrow.


Liza’s stomach gave a revolting jolt as she noticed she hadn’t brought anything and that Jon had brought his bags two days before while she was too busy complaining. He seemed to understand and pulled out an assortment of coins from his pocket. Her eyes widened. “We’ll look for your things tomorrow night when we have time. I don’t think they require you to have anything the first day.” She lowered her eyes and hid them under her long black lashes and ran nervous fingers through her glossed shoulder length locks. Usually it would have fallen down her back but she had cut it after deciding to become a knight and is never grew back.


She followed the man up a long winding staircase with Jon’s hand firmly grasped in hers and gave another sigh. Today she would deal, tomorrow she would deal, the day after… she might be half way to her farm back home.
I love, love.
*This wonderful crit is brought to you by CCF!*
  





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Mon Jan 29, 2007 9:58 pm
gymnast_789 says...



Very interesting. I enjoyed reading this piece. The only problem I have is to maybe put more discription into your characters. Otherwise the punctuation and capitalization were really good. I also really like the opening, it really drew me in!
  





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Tue Jan 30, 2007 2:25 am
Loose says...



thats one awesome first sentence, rieda. Nothing personal, I just have to force myself to read fantasy, and im to lazy to do that today, lol.
  








You know how hard it is to feel like an extreme falcon-headed combat machine when somebody calls you "chicken man"?
— Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid