Young Writers Society

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Grammatically, there are few spots where you messed up, but nothing that's going to devastate this piece. The work itself is obviously not directed to a younger audience, who would give up reading it half way through because of the esoteric purveyance of your point. You could be a little more clear in the presentation, as well. IF, that's what you want. Somehow, though, I doubt you were truly striving for a younger audience's eyes. Personally, I liked this. Although, I usually like your pieces, because they're almost always moving and strangely personal. Very good job.

Of course it wasn't written for kids. It was written for a community theatre project I was in last year. The play was about young women and the problems we face, as well as why things change for some, and not others, as well as what makes every young woman's experience different. Perhaps anything that was unclear was because this was written for the stage. Since this does lack the visuals of the performance, where you actually see my struggle with those trying to keep me in that world of pretend, it does lose something.

I can completely relate to the message of the story. There are errors, but they are very minor typos and do not affect the quality of the piece. I also understand that the lack of visuals does create a problem, but it is still a strong piece.

What did I do during lunch and recess? Where did I go all by myself? Naria, Faerie, Avalon, Middle Earth. You name it, I've been there. Even made up a few of my own places and dreamed up this idea of meeting a unicorn.

This is exactly how I feel. You get the emotions of a young woman down exactly. This is a great, original piece that is uniquely moving.

It touched me too

Of course I walked away. How could I now. i don't know why others like me didn't. All I knew was that I couldn't just sit there and watch while the other kids plays with their friends and I was alone.

That's me all over.

I love it how you used the unicorn again in the end. I don't want to point out bits where you didn't use capital letters or misspelt things, it would spoil it for me.

there were some misspellings in that? i didn't even notice....

Very well done. It was interesting, and gave me those lines i can never make out when i watch the movie. ^__^

I entered this into a monologue-writing contest. What do you think my chances are?

This is quite good, apart from a few little mistakes. I reckon you'd have a good chance in the contest.

This was beutiful, you have a very good chance of winning, Rei. So many people can relate to this. I like how you use the same qoute at the end and beginning. Very good. Hope ya win!

Wow, this was great. I loved this, Rei! As stated above, there were a few spelling and grammatical errors that could be patched up, but other than that, I loved it. Nicely done

Thanks for you support, everyone. I really hope I win. I also submitted the monologue in my play. But I won't know for a few more months if I win. I think the winners' issue comes out in October. The prize is $500!

oh my gosh.. Rei, this is great. I think what Brad said pretty much sums everything up, too.

I'd love to see this on-stage..

It is very well written I belive it has a very good chance of winning.

Short of the afore mentioned spelling errors, I really loved this. Just the overall feel. As stated by others, this was me all over! I just really felt touched by this.

We should think about things like careers, university, dating. But that's just not who I am. No matter how old I get, I can't let it go. And I know I'm going to meet that unicorn for real one day.

This is just so poignant to me. ^_^

Just brilliant. I think you've just captured every fantasy author's thoughts.

Pretty good! I like it.

Even so, I'm going to point out all the tyops.

I thought I was useless, that I didn't eserve any better.

Well, now I know differently. everything...

How could I not?.

Yep. Big time nitpicking...