To start off, congratulations with managing to keep this reader interested enough to read every word. I'll write how I interpreted the story. Characters: Malachi (The Lord of the city? The ranks were a little confusing to be honest) Jalen (Prince) Aaliyah (Malachi's daughter) Gage (A bastard child with skills in daggar throwing) Unnamed Girl (She has violet eyes and doesn't talk much) Genesis (An angel/servant to the Silent One) Griffin (A religious fanatic, I believe, who used to be Genesis's lover) The Silent One (A powerful magician in the dark arts who rides a dragon)
Plot Summary: The story begins with Malachi and Jalen at odds with each other because they differ on how to approach an on coming situation. Malachi wishes to stay in the city, while Jalen wants to leave and escape. Rumors circulate that the Silent One is coming to attack the city. Most of the people end up leaving with Jalen. Gage comes upon a girl being bullied and rescues her. Aaliyah confesses her love for Gage (not the first time I think) and is rejected for Gage reiterates his love for someone else whose identity is not revealed. Gage comes back to the Church and ends up killing Griffin who was in a fight with Genesis. Genesis reveals the Silent One's dark plot and races away with Gage to keep the people safe. In the forest they come upon Jalen's treachery as his identity as the Silent One's servant becomes disclosed. Genesis is killed and Gage dies as well. Gage comes back as the Silent One's servant and, under his lord's orders, takes Aaliyah with him.
Review: The first chapter of Fallen Angel is written remarkably well with a marked control of character description and dialogue. Fallen Angel is remarkable in the use of a tense situation where the wrong choice can mean death and no one knows which choice is the right one. This is a great opportunity for the author to set up respective character profiles. As we see, in the conflict of Malachi Vs. Jalen, Jalen is the more trusted one. A very good technique is that the author shows instead of saying how the people trust Jalen because the city's usual busy streets are empty.
Another good conflict is from the religious angle of the traditional church vs. The New Order. Already The New Order has taken control because Aaliyah observes the circular structure inside the church and tries to make sense of it.
Perhaps the most important conflict that is alluded to in this chapter is the Silent One vs. The Trinity. The Trinity, it seems, as already been defeated (or close to being defeated) while the Silent One is growing stronger. Genesis and Griffin's match highlights an important observation. Firstly, readers are introduced to the beings that are subservient to the Silent One due to a contract in which he saves their lives and they owe him loyalty. This touch nicely supports the title of this work which is Fallen Angel.
However more entertaining than the nicely set up conflicts was the actual betrayals and turns in the plot. For instance, the fact that Jalen was actually a servant, and more so that Genesis was completely unaware serves as a delicious "Oh wow" moment. The Silent One trusts not even his servants it seems, and they are kept mostly in the dark. The second turn was Gage's transformation into a servant at the end. This causes questions such as: Is the transformation voluntary? And, just how much does a person change after undergoing such an ordeal? For it seems that although Genesis had transformed, her original humane character still had a presence as she believed the people were not to be harmed.
For the characters, it is interesting to see how a constant disappointment in the quality of man is presented. Starting off with Malachi, who wishes to run away in cowardice with only his daughter and himself. And then later Aaliyah herself who gives into selfish desires to be with Gage instead of protecting the unnamed girl.
Several points on which I wish to express some dissatisfaction: For me, it seemed that the characters were a bit too 2d. Gage is the hero who can't ignore the weak, Malachi is the selfish lord whose pillar of belief has crumbled, and Aaliyah seems to be the silly 16 year old who would give up everything for romance. Hopefully it's only because it's the first chapter and we'll seem some character development soon.
Some more clarification is needed. A lot of characters were introduced but their ranks and positions were left barren. All readers know is that Malachi is a lord and Jalen a prince. Gage, on the other hand, is a bastard child.
All in all, a great first chapter that works splendidly in setting up the scene and hints wonderfully at more plot obstructions and mysterious characters. Look forward to reading some more!
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