I like it:) It's very original, and indeed I also think there's no life without love! I did find though, that the cupid decided to shoot the black arrow too soon, I think there should be more description or more text leading to obviously a very important part in the story. But I really like it, and I'm waiting for a second part, maybe?:)
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss
I hope you write another, it was so original!!! I love it!!!
A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes. I screamed aloud as it tore through them and now it's left me blind. Florence and the Machine, Cosmic Love
meganTQ wrote:He’d known nothing like it, but he knew the time had come.
I find this hard to understand - if he had known nothing like it then how would he know what to do? Perhaps you could show us a little of the thought process that lead up to the decision?
meganTQ wrote:rembling hands and fired it with perfect precision
these two statements seem to contradict themselves.
Overall this was good and fairly original - you could quite easily extend it into a novel or novella if you wished and show the life of this girl and how she fights for love. Good job and keep writing
This was beautifully original and creative. I loved it. I think you could really expand on this story and perhaps talk about the life of the girl incapable of love, this setup holds extraordinary amounts of potential. Your writing is great and I think you have the talent to make this amazing. Please, please, if you write more (which I strongly suggest) then send me the next part, I'm interested to see how this turns out. Great work!
My only small critique is that you give a little more into the prophecy, who gave the prophecy, what it's about, more of what it says and also I was confused as to why Cupid needed the black arrow.
"One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes." The Little Prince
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Points: 1242
Reviews: 21