Young Writers Society

Excuse the sucky title. I suck at titles. This is for a contest based on an idea from the Random Story Generator, and is limited to 1,000 words. It reaches that number exactly, currently.

Random Story Generator: Your story is about a bookbinder at the top of your head being random.
Okay, Mr. Generator. Here Goes.
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Blake lay folded in her canopy bed, legs curled around the branch she’d fallen asleep under. With a sigh, she swats a leaf, watching it fall as she directs it where to go. Once it’s out of sight, Blake allows the leaf to fall through the branches to the forest floor.
She can sense everything; the branches she rustles, the rainforest creatures that breathe her in – it’s all part of being a wind spirit. Blake is the wind, in a sense. The past is lost to her, yet she isn’t confused; she simply knows herself and the Earth as part of the same balance, and lacks curiosity to discover the rest.
Blake herself appears as clear as that which she can control, with fair skin and tangled relaxed hair as pale as the whites of her eyes.
Tiny wings beat against her, the wings of a fairy, trying to reach her manifested being. Wanting to help, she carries the fairy in her direction. An angled face smiles up at her, vibrant and lively, held high above a small lean body dressed in orange hibiscus petals. “May I help you?” Blake inquires.
The face of the fairy falls, seeming to drag the sun down as well. “You don’t remember me,” she states, hurt clear on her face, but no surprise woven into her melodic voice.
“Should I?” Blake asks, feeling as though the statement was an accusation. "I'm sorry, but I would know you if I'm supposed to. What do you do for your tribe? Did they send you?"
"My name is Morna. I bind books. No one sent me," she answers, frowning. Morna hesitates before flying just a little higher to rest on Blake's head, burying herself in her hair.
“What are you here for?” Blake asks, puzzled.
Morna sits up, still on Blake’s head. "How about we go down to my village?" Okay, Morna is definitely a strange fairy. Why would she invite Blake to the village? Regardless, Blake is curious enough to go with her.
~§~
"Where are we going?" Blake asks Morna for the third time. "This isn't the way to the fairy village."
"Hold on," Morna mutters, leaping off Blake's head and under a hibiscus plant. She emerges a moment later, bearing a stack of papers, leather, and woven string. Something is written on the papers, but Blake can't get a good look. "I needed to pick some things up. Let's go back to your tree?" Morna tilts her head to the side, acting like this was all perfectly natural.
"We're staying here until you tell me what this is about," she declares, strange eyes narrowing as she folds her arms. Without answering, Morna flies back onto Blake's head and winds the string between the leather and pages. Blake heads back to the tree in a huff.
~§~
Morna continues binding as Blake silently fumes, angry and confused. "This is my last knot," annouces Morna, pride ringing clear in her voice.
"Great!" Blake shrieks. "I don't suppose you'll tell me why you're here, now?" Silence on Morna's end.
"Blake," she started slowly, "what did you do yesterday?"
"I don't...remember?" A perplexed expression crosses her face
"And the day before? What about your entire life?”
Blake doesn't know. "Why are you asking?"
Morna takes a deep breath before saying, "Because I know the answer. Yesterday, you were with me. You didn't remember me then, either. I remember everything. I remember talking to you, listening to you, laughing with you, playing with you, and I remember when we were little and I couldn't fly.
"We were playing in the trees. I slipped off the branch. You jumped and caught me, holding me so I wouldn't be hurt when we hit the ground -- but you were. You hit your head and slept for weeks. Be grateful you don’t have to eat.
"The moment you woke, you didn't know me. I still believe you could remember, if only I could remind you." Morna spreads her wings and carries herself in front of Blake, appearing desperate, clutching the book to her chest. "This is a sort of memory book; our best times together. Please remember," she pleads, holding the book out to Blake, then her face falls a bit. “It’s my fault, you know.”
For a long time, Blake mulls over the contents of the book. Morna truly is a good friend, and Blake doesn’t even know her. She smiles weakly up at Morna, and in hopes of cheering her up, lies. “I remember now,” she tells her.
Morna’s face lights up with joy and triumph. Through the remaining daylight, they talk, and Blake wonders if things were always so easy between them. Eventually, though, the darkness comes to induce sleep upon them.
~§~
When Morna is sure Blake's asleep, she slips away, taking the book with her. She flies back to her home outside the village, riding the breeze caused by Blake's dreams. They must be sweet tonight. Morna lands on her hibiscus flower and the familiar scent lulls her to sleep.
Morning comes, and Morna stretches her wings before beating them against the wind, clutching the book to her tiny frame. After a moment, the wind carries her up to Blake, appearing puzzled. "May I help you?"
"You don't remember me," Morna states, knowing Blake wouldn't but feeling hurt all the same.
“Should I?” Blake asks with an irritated tone. "I believe I would know you if I'm supposed to. Did your tribe send you?"
"My name is Morna. My tribe has no reason to send me," she answers. Morna holds up a small, leather-bound book. "I brought this story for you. That's all."
Morna hands the book to Blake and lifts herself up a little further so that she can rest in Blake’s hair. She had sworn to herself she would never give up on the girl she'd broken the memory of. Maybe one day, Blake would recognize Morna and greet her as a friend.
One day.

Alrighty. You switch between past and present tense a few times. Here, for example:

Blake lay folded in her canopy bed, legs curled around the branch she’d fallen asleep under. With a sigh, she swats a leaf, watching it fall as she directs it where to go. Once it’s out of sight, Blake allows the leaf to fall through the branches to the forest floor.

Also, it reads a bit choppy in places. Here, you repeat 'Blake' and 'leaf' where you could use 'she' and 'it.' There are a few instances of this kind of repetition.

She can sense everything; the branches she rustles, the rainforest creatures that breathe her in – it’s all part of being a wind spirit.

Consider using more active narrative. Instead of 'she can sense,' simply use 'she senses.'

"You don't remember me," Morna states, knowing Blake wouldn't but feeling hurt all the same.

This reads a bit awkwardly. Consider changing to something like, 'She knew Blake wouldn't remember, but it hurt all the same.'


It's a sweet story, and I find myself liking the characters, but I have to fall back on that age-old writing advice: Show us, don't tell us. For example:

Blake doesn't know. "Why are you asking?"

If you want this to be from Blake's POV, you could do something like, 'She wracked her brain for some sort of memory, but came out with nothing.
Or if it was from Morna's POV, you could write, 'She was disappointed to see that Blake still looked nonplussed.'
I'm just giving examples, of course.

Overall, I liked it. It was simple, and had sort of a sad feeling to it. Like I said, the mechanics and story flow could use some polishing, but I like your characters and the idea of it.
Keep up the good work!

I actually did make it more "show, don't tell" to begin with, but sadly, I had to cut back on the descriptions to make it one thousand words. /)_(\ Thanks for the review!

Awww... I really, really loved this! It was so creative how you used your prompt. At first the description of what Blake was doing with the leaf confused me, but once you know she's the wind, it makes a lot more sense. But this is such a sweet story, and like you said, you couldn't put too much description, but the stuff you do have is beautiful. Seriously... I loved this so much. Eeee!! Sorry, I can't get over the idea of a fairy becoming friends with the wind and being a bookbinder and... *sigh* This story made me happy.
-Dai

This is a really sweet story, and I loved it. The way you described the characters was very nice, and the detail was vivid in my head.
My only thing would be that I feel this story needs a bit more of something. Maybe it's more characters, more plot or more description but it needs something.
I'm usually not that into fairy stories. Good job and good luck.

Hi there! So, here's my general impression. This is a decent story. It's very original, and it has a warm, magical undertone to it. However, it's confusing and not particularly entertaining.

First, you switch tenses every other word. If she "lay" in a bed, she would not then "swatted" a leaf. It just doesn't make sense. I would go back and choose one tense to stick to.

Your plot is a little confusing. Okay, so the fairy has a memory loss, and is actually good friends with the girl she keeps forgetting. That's basically what I get. But you make it seem awkward with the whole repeating the original dialogue at the end. It's a good idea; but you didn't execute it.

Also, this story just didn't have much entertainment value for me. It was a just a short story about some fairies being mystical. I didn't read any good descriptions, and it felt like you were just telling the story- not showing it. Remember to show, not tell! Instead of "she lands on the hibiscus flower and the familiar scent lulls her to sleep", why not something like "Silently, the small figure disrupted the stillness of the garden and landed on a hibiscus flower, the red petals bobbing under her slight weight. The sweet scent embraced her, lulling her to sleep with its familiar velvet grasp."

See? Which one was more entertaining?

Overall, this story has potential. But as of right now, I don't see it winning anything. Work on it, and you can have something truly lovely.

Keep writing!

-Tori

I agree with Tori. More showy, less Telly (not the muppet). Still though, you've got the bones written down, as it were. I believe this would make a fantastic 2500 word single scene short story. It just needs more relevant description. I also think you can be more descriptive while keeping your word count down. See Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr. (available online). Still, the premise is good and the ending I thought wrapped it up well. The faerie that keeps on trying to revive the memory of her best friend. Their status as best friends, btw, could be established by quick snapshots from Morna's memories... and juxtaposition Morna's memory glimpses with Blake's carte blanche. Oh those heartstrings!

By the way, I see that you've trimmed it to be a thousand words. Sometimes a plot premise is just too good for cramped space. I think the type of emotional stuff that should be happening between blake and morna needs more words to be able to breathe. 1000 words is almost short enuf to be a flash fiction word count. I think you'd need 2500 at least to do the pathos justice.