My villain

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Hello there. I was just rambling, writing about a certain big bad guy in my story you'll get to know in a minute just so that I could familiarize myself with him a little. Now I don't think these scenes will be included in the actual, finished story, not unchanged anyway. But it came out alright, so I thought I might as well share it with you guys. Tell me whatcha think.

Ahem.

---

Cold, malevolent laughter bellowed from the fiend’s maw as it surveyed the glorious carnage it had wrought; His opponents had been unprepared for the fury unleashed. Dozens of corpses clad in battered golden armor and torn white tunics lay bleeding in the snow several feet away, thrown about carelessly like leaves in the wind. The demon’s rage had lit several alight, while others were frozen in their tracks only to be shattered by a hulking claw a second later – These feeble magicians and laughable warriors would qualify as entertainment, at best; they had no idea whom they were facing, and had paid the ultimate price for their folly. The demon slowly turned his glowing white snake-eyes to address the army surrounding him from all sides, spiteful even as his enemies numbered in the thousands. It took a deep breath in, savoring the terror that rippled from his adversaries as they watched their comrades in their death throes, their lifeblood dripping from the demon’s six clawed arms.

This swarm of would-be heroes would have a fight never seen in this world or any other in their hands before Bloodshiver would submit. The icy earth around him, carpeted with corpses of the finest warriors that humanity could muster, was but a taste of things to come.

“Ahh, the scent of mortal flesh. There’s so many of you… Now who of you shall I devour first…?” The demon spoke with a smooth purr that was perfectly audible to the horde surrounding him, even in the snowstorm that raged across the plains that day. It flashed a toothy grin as the men in the front trembled and took a step back, even though they were already holding their respectful distance. The demon arched its back and snarled at his adversaries with a frightening, spectral tone.
“You think I stand defeated? Beaten, simply because you have overcome my faithful with sheer numbers, like a locust swarm?” The beast let loose a fit of piercing laughter.
“Let me tell you something, worms. You are nothing. You are gnats, insects that will be crushed beneath my clawed feet, dust that will be brushed away by time! You come and go… I, on the other hand, am immortal. Eternal. Untouched by the ages.”
The demon’s face twisted with anger.
“And I assure you, none of you will leave this field breathing. You have dared challenge the forces that hold sway here in the cold north – And for that, you shall die screaming.”
Slowly, the fiend stood straight, looming above the throng surrounding it like a cliff of fangs and teeth protruding from a sea of golden helmets and white banners with an elaborate purple rune imprinted on them. In the distance, separate battles still raged – Pockets of men with vicious horned helmets and dark armor were gradually losing ground to the invaders in gold, hooded figures in ebony black robes wove dark incantations to no avail, their numbers swiftly dwindling as sword and arrow and spell took their toll. His forces were losing; there was no denying that, the conflict between darkness and light coming to its usual, inevitable conclusion.

But there was always a sacrifice to be made, a price to pay for victory. And when it comes to defeating demon lords, it’d be no tiny sum.

---

The demon howled as the force restraining it forced its lithe reptilian form to its knees. Its impressive array of natural weapons seemed so meaningless now as its whole body shook violently, battling invisible powers holding its massive body in place.
It would have been twenty feet tall had it stood upright, with six clawed hands swiveling by its sides that could effortlessly tear through solid rock. A long barbed tail extended from its waist, ending in vicious spikes coated with venom so potent that a drop could kill a hundred grown men; And yet none of these weapons were as deadly as the unnatural chill that flowed from its twisted form, coating the stone floor of the tomb with slippery ice as the beast struggled against the powers containing it. Its white, glowing eyes smoldered with murderous rage as it glared at the three robed figures chanting around it, their hands drawing complex patterns in the air, each movement sending ripples of energy across the dark hall, and each cryptic word, charged with tremendous arcane power, made the intricate ritual circle carved beneath the kneeling monstrosity pulse with a crimson light.
The abomination let loose a guttural snarl as each of its six arms were forced to the side and bound with heavy chains connected into two rune-engraved onyx pillars; the engravings flared with the same crimson glow as the bindings snapped shut. Finally, after the beast’s tail had been firmly bound to the floor, the three robed figures’ chanting reached its culmination. Their spectral voices joined in one final word of command, and the fiend screamed in agony as streams of red light crackled across its body. It twisted and turned in its chains for a moment, screaming prophesies of revenge in the wretched language of the abyssal realms that had spawned it ages ago, before falling limp in its shackles, defeated.
“It is done.” one of the figures uttered after a moment of silence, broken only by the demon’s constant snarling and the crackling of the fires burning in two large braziers that illuminated the center of the vast hall. Even though the spell was finished, his voice remained otherworldly. He slowly gathered his hands covered by white silken gloves into the sleeves of the white robe obscuring his body from head to toe, and slowly strode in front of the chained beast. His companions joined him on his either side, clothed in identical hooded robes and white masks that hid their faces, their eyes beacons shining with a golden glow identical to his. They nodded.
“This disturbance is over.” the figure on his left said without a hint of satisfaction.
“Agreed.” The figure on the right joined in, the only female in the group – Her voice firm and ethereal like her companions’. The fatigued demon slowly lifted its head to look at its captors. It yanked at its shackles, now covered in frost, its jaws twisted in an expression of feral rage.
“How long do you think your pathetic cuffs will hold me? A hundred years? A thousand? Ten thousand?” The fiend burst into manic laughter, a shrill, violent cacophony that echoed from the tall walls of the chamber, crafted from the same black onyx as the pillars that the ensorcelled chains were bound to.

“Forever, Bloodshiver. Until the end of time.” The figure in the middle responded calmly, unflinching as the demon lurched forward, roaring and jaws wide open, held back by its bonds only a few feet away.
“I will be free; it is only a matter of time! I can wait; I am as eternal as the winter cold… As old as the chill of fear and the icy grip of death itself! If you are too feeble to destroy me now, then someday I will be free, and the world will suffer!” it roared defiantly as the three robed figures slowly turned, and left through a single door crafted in the walls of the square confinement chamber. The fires flickered out as a heavy stone lid sealed the doorway, leaving only the eerie crimson glow of the two monoliths and the circle of runes drawn on the floor.
Art is not about thinking something up. It is the opposite -- getting something down.
~Julia Cameron




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I enjoyed reading this short piece. One thing I wasn't too sure of was when it switched in the middle and was suddenly something else happening. I think it needed a middle bit. I like the character, and enjoyed the vivid language used. Again just a bit confused by how they got to be locking him away.




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I enjoyed reading this short piece. One thing I wasn't too sure of was when it switched in the middle and was suddenly something else happening. I think it needed a middle bit. I like the character, and enjoyed the vivid language used. Again just a bit confused by how they got to be locking him away.




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This is a cool scene, I really get bored a lot with big battle scenes but this held my attention. I liked the start the most, the image of him standing in front of them all covered in blood and laughing at them through the cold - that's dramatic. You did his character well, sometimes big crazy evil things are hard not to overdo but I don't think this was overdone. Is the story this is for up here? Because I'd like to read it now =]




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Not gotten around to writing down any of the actual story yet, sorry - And yeah, I know its missing the middle bit. That's because I was just writing for its own sake, to get a feel for it all, not to make something that'd be included in the actual piece. It just ended up decent, so I decided to post it. Might come up with the middle bits if you're interested... :)
Art is not about thinking something up. It is the opposite -- getting something down.
~Julia Cameron




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Slammoth, your using a lot of purple prose.

purple prose- very long-winded words that make the reader stop to think about what you are actually saying. This sort of writing can make them get disinterested when indeed you want to captivate them!

Cold, malevolent laughter bellowed from the fiend’s maw as it surveyed the glorious carnage it had wrought- I see this as a very good description from a talented writer. But the purpley prose made me actually stop for 10 seconds to figure out what it meant! :/

good piece, i was just discouraged a bit by the first line you seem to have cleaned it up afterwards. Don't be disheartened though J.R tolkein was one of the greatest fiction writers of the century and one of my favourites.His book Lord of the Rings or LOTR when its shortened, is covered in purple prose :)

9/10 good work i liked the battle scene :D



They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.
— Kurt Cobain