Daydreams before dawn

*bows* Thanks for reading. It's been fun.

^_^ Keek out!

Hey,
This was really good for a beginning. I found a couple of things though.

She stepped off of the sidewalk and unto the street, watching for cars out of the corner of her eye.

I think it would sound better if you said she stepped off of the sidewalk and walked onto the street.

She decided to proceed with caution…but it didn’t matter. He’d been waiting. She was only halfway past the car when it suddenly went into reverse and she was violently thrown to the ground. She cried out, hitting the driveway hard, heart pounding wildly in fear. The world didn’t slow down, it seemed to be speeding up. Her mind was screaming for her to move, but all she could do was look on with wide eyes.

This paragraph kind of confused me until I read the part after it. I think you should make it clear that she's daydreaming before this paragraph. I know it was all in italics, but I was still unsure. So an example would be to say: Then Valerie slipped into a daydream (or something better than that...I'm out of practice too)...

That's about it. Your grammar and spelling were excellent as well as your descriptions. Pacing was also good. My only other complaint...Make it a bit longer!!!!

Nariel

She decided to proceed with caution…but it didn’t matter. He’d been waiting. She was only halfway past the car when it suddenly went into reverse and she was violently thrown to the ground. She cried out, hitting the driveway hard, heart pounding wildly in fear. The world didn’t slow down, it seemed to be speeding up. Her mind was screaming for her to move, but all she could do was look on with wide eyes.

This paragraph kind of confused me until I read the part after it. I think you should make it clear that she's daydreaming before this paragraph. I know it was all in italics, but I was still unsure. So an example would be to say: Then Valerie slipped into a daydream (or something better than that...I'm out of practice too)...

=P Yeah, that's what I thought might happen but I am tempted to leave it that way because of how the actual story plays out. But I think you're right, better to make it clear.

Thanks for the review! ^_^ This is just a little introduction to get my writting skills warmed up, the actual story is comming up soon (I hope =P).

this story definitely sparked my interest...i want to read more about this character and find out where she is going....mb why she likes the dark so much...why she is taking a 40 minute bus ride at night, etc. also i daydream a lot too lol i used to watch ppl from my school bus (back in middle school) as they were walking along the street and make up stories about which house they came from and where they were going, who they were with etc. its nice to know im not the only one lol

lol. It is! Hopefully you don't have my curse: if I'm not sitting in a car of a bus I tend to pace around while I daydream and sometimes actually have the conversations between the characters out loud. All the time.

Thanks for reading both of you and thank you for your comments!

I am thinking about this prologue and thinking maybe if I ever make anything of the story I will leave it out or make the beginning more powerful. I think it lacks that hook I want to draw people in.

o come on!! you have to at least have some ideas about where you want to take this story!!! thats how i write, i know my characters need to get to the next point in the story, the next MAJOR point and i kind of fill in the rest with them getting there and learning things along the line...i dont know how anyone else does it but thats my method

lol. Unfortunately that is my weakness. The major points. I've got all the side-plots and twists and I can create a world concept off the top of my head, but I have alot of trouble finding the main conflict, or if I do find it trying to figure out how the characters get to the end from the beginning.

So far for this one I know the main conflict of the first part, and at least one plot point, but I am having trouble deciding what comes next. There's this gap between finding her ally, and actually fixing the problem she causes. >.<

But I won't give up. I just might cut out the prologue because it's isn't...strong enough for me. The beginning of chapter one is much better. ^_^

ooooo i didnt realize there already WAS a chapter 1 woo hooo!! cant wait!!

This is a good idea for the start of a story. The only syggestion I have is to be more clear about what character is speaking. The entire part with the land owner I thought it was the girl talking about the tree's until you said "is this guy crazy". Other than that it was a really great story.

This is a good idea for the start of a story. The only syggestion I have is to be more clear about what character is speaking. The entire part with the land owner I thought it was the girl talking about the tree's until you said "is this guy crazy". Other than that it was a really great story.

Sorry, posted twice.

its very intriguing i must say. I like how you let us into her head and imagination. I've never read a story before when the character daydreams in such a way. ^_^

I don't really understand where the story is going but i'm interested in knowing what's going to happen. I'd especially like to know why her perception of the world had changed!

if you're going to write the second part of this I'd love to read it!! Good job!

^_^ Thanks for the comments everybody, since there is an interest I'll work on getting the first chapter finished!

(and I'll see what I can do about clearing up who is speaking. It's hard because in my head the perspective of my daydreams changes depending on who the central caracter is, and that's rarely me because I watch almost all from a third person perspective)

I have to say, MC daydreams just like me. I make up these three second scenarios, all the time. Strangely, though, they usually take place in third person. Yeah. I'm weird.
Well, I just wanted to say the first paragraphs were sensational! I'd clicked by accident, but I'm glad I did!

Yay! You daydream third person too. =P Crazy amusing stuff. XD

Sadly, this story got hit by the idea train, and was replaced by my sci-fi story, which was then replaced by DoaV. I'd like to get back to the two at some point, since they were pretty good ideas.

Thanks for reading (and enjoying!)!
^_^ Keek!