Young Writers Society

I looked down at the tormented bodies.There owners gave there life for the city but that was not enough for the city of Vage was now emmiting flames that rose and licked the sky. Nothing stopped the horde of wraiths that swarmed there way through Darhurk , Krage and Merbut in there millions ending any dwelling life and now they had done it to Vage. These wraiths Formally known as purpel trolls were faster than a galloping horse , stronger than the ordinary bulltrolls that raomed Naraithion like sheep , slautering any thing or any one that cluters there path . No, these arent ordinary . These new Trolls were cunning , they could think , they migrated in there milions from city to city consuming all life . We are going to make one last stand in Prage the great Empire , all soldiers in all other citys that will soon Face the inevitable of the horde came to to Prage to make there stand allong with a million other humans .

Good plot? , what do you think

Is this mostly just to express the plot? I wasn't sure.

Well, there's a lot of grammatical errors in that. You keep putting spaces before commas and full stops, which shouldn't be there. Also, you switched tenses.

I looked down at the tormented bodies.

Here you are writing in past tense.

No, these arent ordinary .

Here you've switched to present tense.

These new Trolls were cunning , they could think , they migrated in there milions from city to city consuming all life .

And here you switched back to past.

The plot ... it's pretty good. A nice solid start. You'd probably want to build on it as the story progresses though. A simple this side versus this side war needs other things too. It's not the most original idea, but if you do it well it'll work fine.

Good start. Totally continue. And as for the gramer stuff, not a huge deal. Try proofing it before you post. But I'm sure creativity is much more important.

Yes creativity is always important but, grammar and spelling is also crutial to a good story. The plot is good but, it seems like you have many stories posted already. Are you going to finish any of those?

I dont know , im trying to find the perfect story and then make it a full novel , I got pretty far on chickens revenge but then i ditched it . And about the grammer , ill do spell check every time but if you do find some mistakes , im not trying to disapoint its just that i find it hard to use correct grammer when writing imaginatively .

Dynasty cow wrote:I looked down at the tormented bodies.There owners gave there life for the city but that was not enough for the city of Vage was now emmiting flames that rose and licked the sky. Nothing stopped the horde of wraiths that swarmed there way through Darhurk , Krage and Merbut in there millions ending any dwelling life and now they had done it to Vage. These wraiths Formally known as purpel trolls were faster than a galloping horse , stronger than the ordinary bulltrolls that raomed Naraithion like sheep , slautering any thing or any one that cluters there path . No, these arent ordinary . These new Trolls were cunning , they could think , they migrated in there milions from city to city consuming all life . We are going to make one last stand in Prage the great Empire , all soldiers in all other citys that will soon Face the inevitable of the horde came to to Prage to make there stand allong with a million other humans .

Good plot? , what do you think

Very bad plot. It is not structured at all. Most plots have a list format, but this is just a jumble of text. In fact, this plot isn't really a plot at all. It seems like your doing a very badly described battle scene/prologue, except it is jumbled beyond coherency.

this kinda sounds allot like LOTR because of the last stand agains the huge horde of death.... but i thought it was good, but it was just a jumble of words. It was a good jumble of words; you could get somwhere with this