Young Writers Society

I. Plot
Wow, I have a feeling that there’s a lot drawing together here, even though I’m not privy to the related information yet. I’m so excited to see how all the little disparate elements draw together—Ithrey and Sarastro’s past, Sarastro’s rebellion, Elise’s murder, the murderer at the end of the part—there’s a lot going on here beyond the main plot, and I can’t wait to find out the details. The main plot line has a lot going for it as well, though—I’m really curious to find out what the situation is with the Charmed demon that attacked Evanna, and to learn about the Super-Section of Zerbroch. There’s so much to uncover here, with the characters and their backstories and the worlds and the cover-ups… it’s hard to comment on all of it coherently. XD But suffice to say, I’m entirely enthralled.

II. Setting and Worldbuilding~~!

I really like all of the settings in Linked Worlds. One thing that I thought was awesome is that each of the worlds seems, in a way, to have a personality of its own, and they’re so different from each other that you can truly believe they’re different worlds. First of all, Compiteum—I really love all the steampunk elements and the little details about the world that we learn from Evanna’s narration, everything from zeppelins to flower boxes to the way people hurry past adds to the feel and personality of the world. It’s got a really interesting blend of the present and the past, which makes for a world that’s recognizable, yet still recognizably alien. I also like how separate the Institute feels from all that, almost as if it is a completely different world, dividing off Evanna’s old life from her new one, all the machines and pipes and twisting passageways giving it an entirely different, and oddly welcoming character, like a burrow separate from the chaos of the outside world.

Zerbroch is pretty interesting as well—as we’ve seen it through Evanna’s eyes, it’s unimaginably dark and bleak and hopeless, a world right out of a horror story, but yet at the same time, it’s clear that there must be more to it—after all, we’ll be going to a big, populous Section soon, where we’ll likely find out more about the world. As is, it really does a great job instilling a sense of fear—everything from the darkness to the odor of the streets hits the target right on in that respect, and in the opening scenes, one could really feel how frightened Evanna must have felt, alone and abandoned there.

Feras is super cool, and I just love the atmosphere that it lends to the scenes that take place there. This is another lace I can’t seem to help my curiosity about, and I’d love to find out more details about it. It does have a sort of pervading gloomy atmosphere, yet at the same time, somehow it feels more safe almost, than the Lovecraftian Zerbroch or the brain-destroying Tiandra (maybe just because we’ve been there before for awhile XD). You can imagine people in Feras who you could relate to and talk to, while Zerbroch seems so bleak and empty and Tiandra so… I can’t think of a proper adjective for Tiandra. XD

Tiandra we don’t know much about yet, but I’m very curious to know more about it. Despite the fact that the only thing we know about it is the dust and sunlight, it actually seems like a vaguely frightening, disturbing lace to me—the idea that it’s a world that is practically poisoning you, that could destroy your mental capacity just by breathing its air too long, is really subtly creepy for some reason. I can’t wait to find out more about it, I can’t help my curiosity.

III. [The Part Where Zan Fangirls About] Characters

Evanna
Ok, I think part of me is kinda sorta a little in love with this character. XD She’s amazing. Her character development throughout this first part has been completely awesome, I’ve seen very few main characters who were so relatable and yet so awesome. She’s such a quiet, shy, and fragile person at the start of the story, in a world that really doesn’t see her as anyone, and for some reason I found it really easy to relate with that (maybe because I’m a living incarnation of the “This Loser is You” trope… >_> <_<). I mean, even her Institute friends like Tal act like she doesn’t have any relevant opinions, making her more of an accessory to their goals than a person. But then, as the pages go by, she really starts to find that spine, that inner strength, culminating into the story arc with Sarastro when she finally manages to tell them all (two separate times, no less) that no, that is not what she thinks. Yet, I also like the moments that show a little bit of the more gentle, sensitive young girl she is beneath all that—the scene with the hawkgriffin in particular, which I think might be my favorite scene in the whole story so far. Evanna is a character with so much strength and so much depth, but at the same time she’s flawed, and she’s an absolutely beautiful protagonist. I’ve got protagonist envy now. XD

Elise
Yay, Elise! Even though she’s a posthumous character, so we don’t know much about her, I still feel like she made an impression on the story here. She definitely creates an impression of grace and kindness as we see her through Evanna’s perspective, and at the same time a more confident, strong impression as Tal describes her—I suppose different people’s descriptions of her bring out a little of each of their personalities as well. At the same time, though, there’s definitely this feeling that she’s more than who she seems to be, that there’s some sort of mystery going on here—especially remembering Evanna’s dream after the incident in Feras. I’m beginning to wonder, from what we saw of her there, whether Evanna’s impression of Elise is just as worshipful as the rest of the city’s—whether she’s really forgetting some of the fear that was also a part of Elise. That aspect of her really does add mystery to the story, and it gives me the impression that there’s much more to come from her side of the story—it’s far from over.

Tal
Whee, Tal! She definitely gives off an air of leadership, and all the glamour and confidence she projects makes her a very compelling and charismatic member of the cast. In the opening chapters, I definitely found myself drawn to her just as Evanna was. Actually, I suppose it makes sense that she would be that way—after all, she was raised as, and still presents the public impression of being, a society lady. Those traits that make her easy to blend in are also what make her seem so apt to be the leader of the institute, I think. I like that sense of self-assurance she projects, but I also like her in her more stubborn, childish moments, like when they first arrived in Feras and she was pouting about having lost the argument and having to find the “griffin.” XD I think she’s a very rounded-out character, with her virtues and her flaws. Speaking as a reader, my fondness for Tal has gone down a bit after the way she ignored Evanna—my inner fangirl is bristling every time Evanna is mad at her XD. But speaking as a critique-r, I think she’s an absolutely awesome character. She’s certainly flawed, stubborn, even a bit arrogant, but she’s definitely a strong person and a complex character, and I can’t wait to see how things are going to develop with her in the future.

The only thing I would suggest about Tal is that my impression about how Evanna feels about her is all over the place. She has all these moments when she’s frustrated with the way Tal ignores her point of view, or is ragingly jealous of her closeness with Victor, and then she kind of drops it in the next paragraph. XD Of course, it could just be that Evanna doesn’t hold on to grudges, fair enough, but if that’s not the case, I think it might make a good bit of character development for her. I imagine it wouldn’t be easy for her to just forget about their conflicts together, especially since Evanna is so young and unused to people.

Victor
Victor is pretty cool, I’ll admit it. : ) At the moment, we know surprisingly little about him except his admiration for and loyalty to Tal and his skill at fighting demons, but he still seems like a very interesting character. Much like Tal, actually, although he also gives off a very cool and collected impression, I think he has an element of childishness, too—like when he fights with Tal over letting Evanna join the group and especially the argument they had before the end of the part. I can’t help but like him, and I’m really curious as to what his backstory is and how he got involved with Tal and the Institute in the first place. I also like how he brings out the more emotional side of Evanna, I think their interactions really add something to her character, even if they have been mostly one-sided so far, and I’m interested to see how this situation develops, and how it effects the relationship between him, Evanna, and Tal.

Ithrey
I said it like a hundred times as I edited the story, but I’m going to say it here one more time: I love Ithrey. XDD I’m not sure what it is about his character, but I just can’t help but grin every time he says something. XD His academic snobbery is probably my favorite source of the humor in this story, and I just have a ton of fun with it whenever he shows up. But all humor aside, I think it’s pretty realistic that he would get frustrated with people he perceives as being rather intellectually slower than he is, and I think that arrogance and general prickliness make for great flaws. At the same time, though, I definitely get the impression that he has the intelligence to back all that up. I’m super curious to know more about his backstory—he’s one of my favorite characters so far, and I’m really excited that it looks like the next arc is going to be dealing with him directly. (Not to mention, I can’t wait to find out what the deal is with him and Sarastro). He’s a great character, and I’m on the edge of my seat to find out more about him.

Beejee and Caryl
I kind of put them together because they’re together in so many scenes, it’s almost hard not to think of them as a unit. XD Anyway, I love them both. I think that both of them, especially Beejee, are great foils to Ithrey—I still have to say that the first scene the three of them appeared in is one of my favorite Establishing Character Moments. Their laid-back, carefree attitudes are very likable—I really think that it takes people like them to make Evanna, and thus the reader, feel comfortable and welcomed at the Institute. There’s just something essentially comforting about people like them, and they just make everything connect for reasons I can’t seem to explain. XD I especially like the friendship that develops between Caryl and Evanna later in the story, she always seems genuine and sweet, and I like the way her outgoing nature and Evanna’s shy one interact. They’re both great characters and great people, and I enjoy reading them a lot. ^_^

Isaiah
Okay, Isaiah hasn’t done a lot, but he still gets a section because I can’t think of anyone’s section to pair him with. XD The few scenes he’s been in have always been good, and I love little bits like the time when he tries to teach Evanna how to shoot a rifle. XD Little bits like that help keep him memorable even though he’s mostly a minor character so far. He seems like a pretty interesting character, and I’m definitely curious to find out what the details are on him and his connection to the police and Zerbroch.

Jen
Honestly, I had a bit of trouble getting a firm grip on Jen’s character. She’s one of the three members of the Institute who so far have been confined into more background roles, but unlike Berna or Isaiah, she’s had a major part in two arcs—the events in Feras and the events at the mayor’s reelection parade. However, both of those major appearances gave me a totally different feel for her character, (so much so that I actually had to go look up the scene at the parade just to make sure that was her and not someone else). In Feras, she kind of gave off this impression of being a little short-tempered and belligerent, and it really seemed like she thought Evanna was an annoyance, a little kid tagging along with them who didn’t know anything. But she seems a lot more mellow in the scenes leading up to the parade, not to mention a lot more social, just sort of hanging out with Evanna and Caryl, watching projector shows and drinking soda. I suppose all the tension in Feras could have made her the way she was there, and I suppose the event with the hawkgriffin could have given her more respect for Evanna, enough to see her as an equal and a friend, but it’s hard to tell. XD If you’d shown us more about her character before, or shown some sort of transition between the two scenes, I think it would be easier to get a grasp on who she is.

That said, I really do like those things about her character that have been established. She’s very tough and assertive, which serves as a good contrast to the shyer, more passive Evanna, especially in the scenes where they clash like the ones in Feras. She’s pretty likable and cool, and I found it neat how the contrast between what she does and what Evanna expects adds a lot to the worldbuiilding.

Berna
Berna’s had kind of a small role so far, too, but I can understand that because she doesn’t really leave the Institute, so she’s kind of been restricted to scenes where Evanna is injured (not that that’s in infrequent thing XD). However, from what I’ve seen of her, she seems interesting. So far, she mostly just there for the plot, but I’m sure there’s a lot behind her character that we have yet to find out. I am curious about where she came from, since you mentioned her accent, and how she came to be living in Compiteum—at the very least, it could provide more development for the world, which is always neat.

Sarastro
Sarastro! My favorite Sixth Ranger. XD Like I said when I was talking about Ithrey, I’m really curious to find out what the deal is between the two of them. His scenes with Ithrey are my favorite parts of the story so far, really, he’s surprisingly hilarious, and even without their ~mysterious shared history~ I think their personalities bounce off of each other really well—they’ve got a great dynamic, even though it’s an antagonistic one, that kind of reminds me of the good old days of writing Sae and Attaraya XD. He’s pretty awesome on his own, as well. From the beginning, Sarastero just kind of struck me as being impossibly cool, but the situation with Nilmar kind of humanizes him, making him very relatable at the same time. Even when he finally joins the Institute, I think he manages to keep that coolness, even though it’s hard for him to actually associate and converse with anyone (except Ithrey XD). He’s got elements of arrogance, but also just a few hidden sides which are very vulnerable and human, and I think that makes him a very well-rounded character. I’m totally psyched to see what his backstory has for us—from the already-mentioned situation with Ithrey to the details of his rebellion.

Magistrate Peña
I had to give him a section because he’s pretty awesome. XD I was disappointed when he died, if not surprised. He was definitely an likable and interesting character, and I really like how his little section in the end adds to his character and backstory without being too info-dump-y. Little details like the way he keeps his office and his habits were really humanizing and built up his character a lot. It’s interesting because previously we only kind of knew him from one scene, but just from that chapter, from the little introducing details to the panic at the end, I felt just as attached to him as any of the main group. XD

Father and Maria
They get one too. XD The mentions of them so far in the story do a great job to develop Evanna and show us what her world was like before the Institute—they’re very unpersonable, more shadows than characters, but I think that’s what makes them so effective—it shows hoe Evanna’s life before the Institute was pretty much entirely detached from real, meaningful human contact. The only thing I have to say is that I’m not sure I believe Evanna’s constant assertions that they won’t look for her. After all, even if they don’t particularly care for her, she is their legal responsibility—it seems unlikely that they wouldn’t feel the need to do something to locate her.