Young Writers Society

Hey, some of you read my Recollections. I have taken your advice and will now post the final draft. I will probably be querying soon, so please take a look at this. Thanks so much!

Kashmere Gallant's life was shattered when she returns from boarding school to find her parents dead in the night, her life spared by a boy with maroon-tinted eyes.

Maroon, a twelve year old, lives with his gaurdian, Justin. Justin is a serial killer, dragging Maroon along for every kill. But Maroon finally stands up to him, refusing to kill Kashmere.

Three years after the murder, Kashmere doesn’t remember a thing about being spared. But when Maroon moves back into town, old memories stir alongside new romance. And soon a choice must come between the past and the truth...or lies, and a possible future together.

I claim this spot for my amazing review.

~peanut~

This was a really good story. Honestly, I will go five pages into something and then put
it down because I don't like it, but this was awesome.


I fixed a few things, added a comma here, deleted one there, but nothing more than that. I love how you really developed Maroon, but could you develop Kashmere a bit more? Even by the end I couldn't really answer the three questions a very wise person told me to ask to see if you really know your characters and if they are developed enough.

Question One: The character in question's boyfriend/girlfriend are in a fight with another boy/girl who loves him/her more. What would the character do?

Question Two: The character in question is offered three million dollars if one person dies. Would they do it?

Question Three: The character in question is told that they could either save there parents or all there friends from falling into a pit of lava. What would they pick?

As a reader I found it hard to answer anything for Kashmere. Otherwise it is a really good story with a good plot.

Hope I helped!

Kally

I claim a spot! I shall review this.....as soon as I can

Hi Forest,

I skimmed the first scene and couldn't help noticing that this novel needs a lot more proofreading before it's ready to query. The grammar is shaky. Capitals are missing. Punctuation is misplaced. There are spelling errors. Every paragraph had me reaching for the red pen. If you want a publisher to invest tens of thousands into your work, you need to be writing in polished, professional, grammatical English. I'd advise holding off on querying until your novel is substantially more polished.

Hope this helps.

Cheers,
Karsten