Young Writers Society

i have just read chapter one and have descovered an uncanny lack of detail. unfortunatly you havce a knack for K~ names, a problem i hope you will meet do to the usual name changes an author goes through. you have basic conversation which is good but i would reccomend a further indulgence. might i suggest writing a two page story of just dialogue for practice. also and finally you need to introduce your characters more efficiently. on many occasions your characters jump into the story and start talking as if from out of nowhere. this last point coincides with the first, dealing with more detail.

and now onto the good part...

your interior monolague is well done, showing insight to the feelings of her brothers dissapearence and supposed death. your writing style is decent and only lacks the pizzaz that comes with reading an insane amount of books. i would reccomend Jennifer Fallon's novels for helping this improvement. (her wolfblade trilogy and hythrun chronicles)

happy writing and editing and i will critigue your other chapters soon.

Umm... I have a habit of making very detailed critiques, and I don't read others critiques, in order to look at this without bias. So, sorry if this is a bit long-winded, or if I repeat what others have said.

This was pretty good. I didn't see any grammer mistakes whatsoever, which was nice. You did use the word 'she' too many times, though.