This is the Prologue of the novel I just started. I'm not sure if I should continue or not because, to my ears at least, it doesn't sound good. But, since I don't like anything I write, I decided to post it here and see what others thought about it.
"Prologue
Rayanne Blakefield
Immortal Isles, Midnight Isle
July 7, 1652
“I do not fear death.”
Her voice was little more than a whisper but he heard every word. She did not fear death, she had said, as though that should somehow relieve his pain. Who cared if she feared it when it was happening already? Rayanne was dying, the life draining from her eyes even now. He looked down into her vivid green eyes and saw her watching him, reading the expressions on his face the way she had always done. It did not matter anymore. She could feel his pain as if it were her own. He saw his pain reflected in her eyes and could no longer be angry. Tears came then as his rage faded and was replaced by a grief so deep it seemed to shatter his very soul. They coursed down his face even as she reached a weak hand towards his face to wipe them away.
“No tears. Please…please do not cry.” She begged, her own eyes brimming with tears.
“I can’t help it Rayanne. You’re dying.”
“It is not forever. I will return, love. I will come back to you. You know I will.”
“300 years in the future you will return to me. Until then I will be incomplete, a shadow of myself.”
“It will be hard for me as well but we must do it.”
His throat closed, locking his reply in his throat. Holding her close to him, he buried his face in the crook of her neck and inhaled her scent. She began to sob then, her grief taking control as she prepared herself to leave him. Their bodies shook, tears washing tracks down their faces. After a few moments, Rayanne pulled back and looked at him, her green eyes echoing the love that filled his heart. She kissed him quickly but deeply before speaking.
“I love you Colt.”
“As I love you Rayanne.” He whispered back, his voice breaking.
They stared at each other for a few more seconds before she laid her head on his chest and closed her eyes. He felt her heart stop as the last of her lifeblood drained. Tears coursed down his cheeks as he clutched her body close to him. He could not move, though he knew he needed to take her body back to the castle, prepare it for the funeral. She had taken his soul with her, the very core of his life was gone, and without it, he was nothing more than a shadow of the man she had loved. For 360 years, he would walk through life with only the knowledge that she would return someday…"
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