monkeys and bears and tears (oh my!)

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ... 9

Gender:

Points: 10040
Reviews: 211

Wed Mar 20, 2024 7:36 am

View Likes

EllieMae says...

You Spoke My Langauge

In a foreign country,
you were the first one I met
who spoke my language.
My tongue twisted in a knot
that only you could untangle.
The words flowed off your lips,
fiercely,
fluently,
and boldly.

Your eyes saw every piece
of who I used to be,
but that didn't change how many times
you told me you loved me.
You were the shooting star
I wished on
for so many years.

You were the glow-in-the-dark stars
that my dad plastered on the ceiling,
in my childhood home.
You were every kiss goodnight,
and reason to rise without fear.
You were the star I landed beside
when I missed the sun.
But you made me appreciate the darkness,
and the silent stillness.

I miss every piece of telling you
I love you.
But you will always be the cricket I hear
at a campfire.
And the first one I trusted.
The first one I touched.
The first one who kissed me.

The first one who spoke my language.

”Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards (so you might as well do Duolingo ).”

Was ailah2005
Then AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae

Gender:

Points: 10040
Reviews: 211

Wed Mar 20, 2024 7:37 am

View Likes

EllieMae says...

i cant talk about it,
TW- Suicide

Spoiler! :

”Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards (so you might as well do Duolingo ).”

Was ailah2005
Then AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae

Gender:

Points: 10040
Reviews: 211

Wed Mar 20, 2024 7:39 am

View Likes

EllieMae says...

The Tears On My Path

You made me cry,
and then yelled at me for crying.
What do you want me to do,
to make myself worthy of your attention?

You told me you could love me,
and used that as a reason for me to stay.

What hurts the most,
is the emptiness I feel when
I try to talk to the stars in the sky.
They are the only witnesses of the cruelty
that no one else believes.

The tears on my path will dry,
but my brittle bones still ache
every time I say your name.
And every step I take,
I feel like I might break
from the weight you forced me to carry.

My heart has cried for so long that it feels dry.
Every beat is spacious,
and all I can do is make myself forget.

”Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards (so you might as well do Duolingo ).”

Was ailah2005
Then AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae

Gender:

Points: 10040
Reviews: 211

Wed Mar 20, 2024 7:39 am

View Likes

EllieMae says...

Alone But Not Lonely

You were my confidence.
I looked you in the eyes and you
laughed without fear.

You covered me with your shadow
in the sun.
And you taught me to dance on the moon,
in the dead of night,
when I was alone.

Alone but not lonely,
You whispered to me.

I shooed you away,
but your hands were my stepping stones,
towards grace and self-love.

I was an awful dancer,
but you choreographed rituals and routines.
We moved together,
in perfect synchronization.
My heartbeat became a symphony.

You are my confidence.

”Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards (so you might as well do Duolingo ).”

Was ailah2005
Then AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae

Gender:

Points: 10040
Reviews: 211

Wed Mar 20, 2024 7:39 am

View Likes

EllieMae says...

Broken With Brutality

As a child,
you were broken with brutality,
but you are still
strong enough to stand.
Frightened with fierceness,
but you are as gentle as
the autumn wind.
All you knew was chaos and corruption,
but you kept your eyes on redemption
renewal and regrowth.
You knew that no one could take away your pain,
you you learned to live like
every day was your last.
You hate yourself more than
you hate anyone in the world.
Because every time you mess up,
you fail as being the one person
who you thought you could trust.
You are willing to die for your own sins,
and carry the cross of your enemies,
and still you smile.
secretly, you cry.
You can't ask for help,
because you have always been the helper.
You deserve a love that is deeper than the ocean.

”Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards (so you might as well do Duolingo ).”

Was ailah2005
Then AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae

Gender:

Points: 10040
Reviews: 211

Wed Mar 20, 2024 7:40 am

View Likes

EllieMae says...

Traumatized

Your trauma made you stronger.

No.

My trauma made me traumatized
and it gave me everything
that I never wanted.

My trauma is an inheritance
of every weakness
that you cannot control.

My trauma didn't make me stronger.
I made myself stronger
because I had no other options.

And now I'm older
and I hate every single piece of the person
who I have been forced to become.

I am not dead,
I am alive without freedom.
All I am is a result of every hard day
that I have survived.

”Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards (so you might as well do Duolingo ).”

Was ailah2005
Then AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae

Gender:

Points: 10040
Reviews: 211

Wed Mar 20, 2024 7:40 am

View Likes

EllieMae says...

Two-sided

I prayed for the mother you were
when others were around.
I prayed that she would stay
and that her laughter would linger.

The only time I remember you smiling
was when others were there.
The only time you got me ready for bed,
was when your friends were visiting.

You hugged me when I cried,
because that's what a mother does.
Thats what you wanted them to think.

”Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards (so you might as well do Duolingo ).”

Was ailah2005
Then AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae

Gender:

Points: 10040
Reviews: 211

Wed Mar 20, 2024 7:41 am

View Likes

EllieMae says...

You are learning to knit.

I try to rest,
but not even sleep wants me.
It is at these moments that
I think about you.

You are learning to knit.

You take yarn
and you make it into something else.
You taught yourself a skill.
I wish that you had taught yourself
to braid hair
when I was a little girl.

I could have felt so pretty.
As pretty as the scarf you are working on right now,
back at my childhood home.

Is it still a childhood home
if I raised myself?

I cant say
I love you.
Hearing you say it
reminds me of all the times you didnt.
All of my birthdays that you were
too drunk to remember,
and every car ride
that I prayed for safety through.
Every mother I imagined in my head
who tucked me in
and made me feel safe.

You are finally learning how to knit.

I'm glad that you can finally put your time
towards crafting something
that matters to you.

Even if it's not me.

”Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards (so you might as well do Duolingo ).”

Was ailah2005
Then AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae

Gender:

Points: 10040
Reviews: 211

Wed Mar 20, 2024 7:41 am

View Likes

EllieMae says...

My mother wasn't always a mother,
she was once a little girl
who played with dolls
and needed help to tie the ribbon
on the back of her dress.
She made mud pies in the garden
and was scared of loud voices.

she was a little girl,
just like how I was her little girl.
and its hard for me to imagine her
as someone who gave in
to curiosity.
and craved gentleness from her mother.

all i see is the woman she grew up to be.
and the mother i hated for so many years.
because she
just doesnt understand
what it is like to be a
little girl.

”Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards (so you might as well do Duolingo ).”

Was ailah2005
Then AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae

Gender:

Points: 10040
Reviews: 211

Wed Mar 20, 2024 7:42 am

View Likes

EllieMae says...

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree,

is something I hate to hear.
It reminds me of my mother's rage,
and all the pain she has refused to heal from.

I fell from the tree,
but I am not the tree.
I rolled into the ocean,
and swam away.
A bird picked me up,
and dropped me somewhere else,
far away.

The trees look different here.
I don't resemble the apples around me,
but at least I am far from
the rotten cores back home.

I am not the tree.
I fell close,
but I have rolled far.

”Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards (so you might as well do Duolingo ).”

Was ailah2005
Then AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae

Gender:

Points: 10040
Reviews: 211

Wed Mar 20, 2024 7:42 am

View Likes

EllieMae says...

Squeeze and Squirm

There is room for all
except for me.
always space
to squeeze and squirm
an extra friend.
spots for all
but not quite enough for my
tiny body.
i have become
nothing more than
a speck
in your mind
but i take up too much
of the sand of your
new favorite beach.

”Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards (so you might as well do Duolingo ).”

Was ailah2005
Then AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae

Gender:

Points: 10040
Reviews: 211

Wed Mar 20, 2024 7:42 am

View Likes

EllieMae says...

life as a movie

if my life was a movie,
it would start by showing the girl i was before.
the only scars on my skin,
were the ones from tumbling.
all i knew
was that i missed my dad
every second i couldnt see him.

”Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards (so you might as well do Duolingo ).”

Was ailah2005
Then AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae

Gender:

Points: 10040
Reviews: 211

Wed Mar 20, 2024 7:43 am

View Likes

EllieMae says...

dreams never shared

i dream of a life
where i am never called strong again.

i dream of a life where i can look pretty
without everyone noticing.

i dream of a life where
it is not an accomplishment
to eat a meal.

”Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards (so you might as well do Duolingo ).”

Was ailah2005
Then AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae

Gender:

Points: 10040
Reviews: 211

Wed Mar 20, 2024 7:43 am

View Likes

EllieMae says...

A girls guide to being pretty in college.

Pretty girls have friends in college,
They are part of all the parties.
All I have to wallow in
Is my own pity (party).

Pretty girls are big girls,
Who don’t cry unless it’s expected of them.
But they cry too much
When the boy who they liked
Kissed Olivia instead
(It was way more than a kiss, Angelina).

They still look pretty,
During midterms and finals.
They still eat enough to have a good body
And be a nutrition major
(And skip breakfast enough times to be
Seen as an object).

The prettiest girls say that “Jesus loves you, unconditionally”.
They want to be better than you too,
In every way.
Unconditionally.

Pretty girls get hugged at church on Sunday.
The spaghetti straps of their dresses
Cover the straps of their bra perfectly.
Do pretty girls even wear bras?
(She didn’t when she was with Alex)

The absence of me is what creates their ideal environment.
I don’t go to church anymore,
But I still go to church (in my heart, and feel it deeper than they do).

Pretty girls say they don’t have sex in cars,
Maybe it’s not sex if it’s date rape.
They make fun of you for sinning
(In different ways than they do).
They point out my flaws.
But they are only freckles to me.

(My freckles look like the stars I saw
With Tanner.)

And pretty girls have three dates lined up this week,
But they stick their fingers down their throat
(Before each one.
Rituals are only for cults, right?).
They say skinny girls aren’t pretty
(Hannah follows 20 fitness accounts on Instagram).

Maybe I’m not a pretty girl.
Are you?

”Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards (so you might as well do Duolingo ).”

Was ailah2005
Then AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae

Gender:

Points: 10040
Reviews: 211

Wed Mar 20, 2024 7:44 am

View Likes

EllieMae says...

who You were to me.
i miss every piece
of who you were to me.
the truth is,
i dont know if you are real,
but i do know that every memory of you
shaped me into who i became.
i do know that i love the idea of you.
and that i miss the way i felt,
everyday i thought i knew you.

i lie awake at night.
my mind races,
trying to find an explanation for the way i feel.

the only conclusion i come to,
is that it was my own acions.
insufficiencies,
flaws,
deformities.
i chose wrong.
i stepped in the quicksand
and i feel like i have sunk too deep.
i feel a bit like i have failed you.

i should have been someone by now,
but instead i have let myself fail.

”Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards (so you might as well do Duolingo ).”

Was ailah2005
Then AilahEvelynMae
and is now EllieMae

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ... 9

Young Writers Society

monkeys and bears and tears (oh my!)

Sponsors

About / Info

Forums & RPG

Literary

Resources