Young Writers Society

Death’s Servant

This project will probably go through multiple names before I’m done with it. The first name you’ve probably seen it under is Silence is Silver, followed by Silver, then it was unnamed for a period of time. This isn’t really what it initially used to be. Everything has been gutted, flipped upside down, shaken up, and the good bits have been harvested. The setting is different, the cast of characters are different, and the overall goals of this story have completely changed.

First, this was going to be a short story — perhaps 10k words. Then it was going to be a novella. But now I’m committed to making it a novel again. Oh boy.

This is the general idea rattling around in my head (I know this blurb sucks, haha):

Cordelia Morrison is a walking omen of death, unable to emotionally connect to anyone for fear of accidentally killing them via emotional exposure. Her pets were the first to die, followed by her parents, and then she managed to break the cycle by her first set of foster parents. At fourteen, Cordelia is utterly emotionally alone apart from a ghost named Romy. Now, at her third foster home, she’s committed to doing absolutely no harm. Unfortunately for Cordelia, a living boy named Samuel has his eyes set on befriending him. This is all in addition to being marked by Death, but she remains unaware of that.

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Now, I will admit that I ended up killing one of my darlings as I wrote this post. There used to be a character called Fate (a part of the trio Fate, Life, and Death) who was a viewpoint element in trying to navigate the stuff in the world. Xe would have played a large role in trying to help Cordelia confront Death. However, in writing and rewriting this, I realized that xe would have complicated the story too much and was… frankly too powerful. I mean, how hard can things be when you’re a mortal with a literal small deity on your side?

I guess my main goal for this story is for Cordelia to get to the Underworld to confront Death, unlocking her own mysteries on the way and attempting to do absolutely no harm. Initially, I wanted to end this story with her accepting her station — marked by Death to become a Grim Reaper — but that ending feels very… crappy? “Hey, kid, I killed everyone you love, but work for the person responsible for it for the rest of your memory! Congrats!”

In this story, I’ll also be tackling having a non-verbal protagonist. Her primary method of communication is ASL, having been taught it by her father at a young age. Her father’s reason for knowing it is probably the fact that his older brother was Deaf (capital D means culturally deaf). Her being non-verbal is not connected to being marked by Death or anything — it’s just an aspect about her which influences her every day life.

The secondary character, Samuel Kiplinger, is hard of hearing. His parents — who became foster parents after learning about all of the disabled kids trapped in the system — taught him ASL and English, understanding the importance of growing up bilingual and being connected to his culture.

Since this project is so old (now older than some of the kids I watch), there will be a lot of killing my darlings. Although, I really want to keep the aspects of Cordelia being non-verbal and Samuel being hard of hearing. I’ll compromise on a lot for this story, but I’m not willing to compromise on that.

Hello,
Sorry Evander, I have not read Silence is Silver, but I found what you wrote here interesting.

At least from what I am reading, you have these ideas but perhaps what is stopping you is that you don't have all the basics.

From what I understand Cordelia is a girl who is a death omen, who kills people if they form an emotional connection with people.
Questions I have are...
1. How close of an emotional bond does she need to have to kill someone? She doesn't just meet someone and boom they're dead? What does it take for her to kill someone?
2. Did Death cause her to become a death omen? Is this like a curse?

When you say:
"Cordelia being non-verbal and Samuel being hard of hearing. I’ll compromise on a lot for this story, but I’m not willing to compromise on that."
I think this is an interesting idea, but perhaps you should make it clear the purpose. It seems that it helps them bond but Samuel is human so...

As I write this, I feel like I will just be asking a lot of clarifying questions. So far, my feedback to you is that you need to focus on the plot of your story more if you want to make more progress in brainstorming.

What are her obstacles? How does your MC get to the underworld?

Additionally, I wanted to address your ending and the character motivation. Isn't it true that you must have an external and internal motivation. We can see the external motivation is to confront Death and wouldn't it also be to be free from being a death omen. Therefore, shouldn't that be the ending? Shouldn't the ending be somehow allowing the MC to be normal?

I hope this helps a little and I hope I wasn't too of the mark. Good luck!

Good questions!

1. Prolonged emotional exposure and attachment. So meeting a cashier at the store wouldn't count, although maybe establishing a parent/child connection or a friendship connection would do it. Really, she... sucks up life-energy? The closer someone is with her emotionally (sharing secrets, sharing free time, giving gifts, acting as a friend or parent, etc) or physically (so prolonged living in the same space, but causing death through that method takes so much longer than just emotional connection), then the more life-energy she sucks up.

Uh, it's not dropping dead? It's more like... getting sicker and sicker. Organs may fail or something similar to that.

2. Okay, so I explained this poorly! Cordelia was marked by Death to become a Grim Reaper. Her sucking the life-energy of people around her is connected to the training of being a Grim Reaper (easing dying souls into the Underworld). It's a curse in Cordelia's eyes, but it's a privilege from Death's perspective.

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There isn't really a... purpose for Cordelia to be non-verbal and Sam to be hard-of-hearing? It's just an aspect of their characters. Also, Cordelia is human! She's marked by Death, but she's still absolutely human.

Main character gets to the underworld via the first few chapters, which I can probably post an outline of. There are basically entrances the underworld where the Grim Reapers can... obtain access to? They're littered across the real world. And as a Grim Reaper in training, she manages to slip through one after Samuel points out the area.

Her obstacles? Samuel and another character, Lelia, slip down into the Underworld with her and she has to keep them alive.

Honestly, the ending might end up being whatever is most emotionally satisfying? Confronting Death will hopefully result in being released from being a death omen, but it really depends on what the natural conclusion of writing ends up being. Like I said, the initial ending doesn't match what the story is now, haha

YO ADRIAN so you already know that I am SO in for this no matter what it ends up being called <3 Ping me ping me ping me!

This has no evidence that it ever was Silence is Silver (except for like, ex-Trina). You seriously did take all the good bits (and I love love love that you're committed to writing compelling D/d/hoh and nonverbal characters because that is a great goal when crafting a good story like this)!

QUESTIONS. Yes. I was going to ask those.

1: Any nicknames for Cordelia (e.g. Cora, Cory/Cori, Cordi, Deely, Delia, etc)? Or just her full name? How does she feel about nicknames? Would her sign-name equate roughly to a nickname for her, or does she interpret it as a translation of her full name?

2: Is she friends with Romy in this idea, or is it a similar taunting relationship to the one she had with Trina?

3: Why does Sam want to be friends with her, even though she clearly doesn't want to be involved? Is it just because he's set on the idea of being friends? I guess my real question is: Does he want to be friends with her because of who she is, or because of who he thinks she is/who he is?

(And if there's a way to show that in-text in their interactions that would be legit cool, because that's a good chance for character growth! You could have him insist on being friends at first Just Because and then as she shoves him away and they get little moments together to develop this understanding/bond, have him shift to wanting to be friends because of who she is -- and you could even turn it into a cool moment at the climax because Cordelia could be all "you can't come with me, I don't want to kill you nyeh we can't be friends" and him be like "what do you think we are??? mortal enemies??? dude, I helped you with your math homework and I don't even like math, let's go yell at Death together" or something -- ignore me, just spitballing)

4: Why does Death choose Cordelia to become a Grim Reaper? Wouldn't it make more sense to choose an adult for the task? Or does Death want to basically groom her into killing people from birth?

AND THE ENDING

I kind of love the idea of Cordelia "accepting her station" with Death and then going rogue? Like, have her face Death and have it look -- maybe from Sam's POV? -- like she's accepting the station of Grim Reaper, and then he goes to fight her -- "I thought we were friends, I thought you were better than this" -- or OOOH that could be like, the pre-climax? and have Death come after Cordelia after she goes rogue or something?

again, just spitballing, feel free to ignore me xD I just really love this idea and I so want to see it finished no matter what direction it takes <3 Good luck writing!

Yoooo @Lareine thanks for the questions!

1. Daaang, I didn't even think about nicknames. Well, uh, I was asked about a nickname and then went, "Well, I don't like Cor for her and I'm not a fan of Delia." I forgot about variants like Cora/Cory. So, uh, she'll probably be called Cora within the narrative xD And then, uhhh, okay, since I'm not Deaf, then I'm sort of reluctant to give any of my characters sign names? It's not necessarily my place, in my opinion. So, uh, my characters will probably end up fingerspelling their names.

2. She's absolutely friends with Romy in this idea! However Romy is like lowkey spying for Death, whoops. I was thinking of a taunting relationship, but I really like the idea of Cordelia having one person she can absolutely trust and get along with.

3. Okay, so, Sam's parents have fostered a bunch of kids, and I'm thinking that Sam has seen a lot of kids come and go? I'm figuring that his parents were like, "Hey, befriend the new kids, make them feel at home. They're going to be your foster siblings for a bit." And it just stuck. New kid in the house? Sam is going to try to get them to open up their shell. Given the fact that she's also semi-fluent in ASL, he probably just wants to learn more about her? He's probably trying to befriend her just to see who she is, tbh. I'm not sure if that's a strong enough motivation, though.

(also ooooh yeah I think I might definitely go with that route. Curiosity leading into genuine want.)

4. Okay! So Death chooses pretty much... anyone? I don't think there's necessarily an age requirement in Death's mind for choosing for Grim Reapers. However, one of her requirements is probably, "They have to be well acquainted with people dying or I will make them acquainted."

So, in Cora's case, Death went the route of making her acquainted.

So, uh, nurses and people who work in the healthcare field might find themselves to be Grim Reapers after years of service. Or, in Cora's case, she was really just a child in the wrong place at the wrong time spotted by Death.

So, uh, I imagine that being a Grim Reaper is probably a position that allows whatever soul to basically live on indefinitely until they retire. Death normally doesn't need that many Grim Reapers (because she has a Bunch already), but I'm thinking there was a Mass Retiring in protest to something that she did. (Probably, uh, turning one too many children into reapers, tbh. The adults originally accepted their own turning 'cause "hey, what can you do". But then I'm just imagining a lot of fury at the widespread knowledge that she's ruining the lives of kids?) So, uh, Cora was probably "hired" because of that Mass Retiring.

I hope that reasoning makes sense, haha.

Oooh, I like the idea of Cordelia honestly trying to fight Death? And going rogue? But I'm not entirely certain if I could make that work, because it's a small deity fighting against an emotionally broken child. But I'll definitely keep that in mind and see where the narrative takes me!

Thank you so much for responding to my thread!

Okay I love Cora so much <3 (it's also oddly enough an English form of Kore, which was another name for Persephone so more life and death parallels?)

And I totally get respecting Deaf culture! I have more thoughts on this as well but they will wait until I see the actual product because they may be things you've already thought of and planned for of course.

LOWKEY SPYING YES. And it makes sense that Cora's best friend is, well, already dead. You could even have her be gloomy and depressed and Romy be like "well you can still be friends with ME, it's not exactly like I can die again" or something.

Because the characters are younger, I think it makes total sense for Sam to just want to be friends with her. A lot of kids don't understand social boundaries to begin with (hell, a lot of adults don't xD) and especially because he's a guy (though it depends on how his parents raised him!) he might be pushier and not understand how to give her space.

Omg a Mass Retiring. It's almost like a Mass Extinction. That's wonderful. And legit, Death marking children to become reapers is seriously screwed up, so I'd totally understand if most of the reapers retired when she turned one too many kids.

And sometimes emotionally broken children make the best defenders. I'd probably make it clear that she's not the strongest person in the world -- and maybe she doesn't even intend to fight Death, she just wants to stop killing everyone around her and have a chance at living. I mean, she's only 14, she has like 70 years ahead of her with current medical technology, it's not like she's on Death's door already and this is her only chance at immortality.

Questions about reapers! Do they reap every soul that dies, or only the "important" ones (or is every soul important to them)? Do they show up to every death they perform? Are they pulled there, or do they go of their own free will? Teleport magically? Do reapers have to reap the people that Cora unintentionally kills, or are they reaped by her very presence?

Love this so much. <3

@Lareine

(Life and death parallels! Yes! I love that!)

I'd totally love to hear any thoughts that you had respecting Deaf culture! I've planned for some stuff, but there's always stuff that I could have totally missed xD Feel free to share!

Ooooh, I misunderstood your post. Yeah, omg, Sam trying to fight Death would be so in character and oh my god yeah Cora going rogue in that way could definitely work.

I also had this small idea in my head of ending the story with a contest? (In chapter one, I establish that Cora draws in her spare time. Mostly pictures of her family and old pets. I was thinking that, Death, maker of deals, would try to maybe have a drawing contest with her? If Death won, then Cordelia would stay a reaper. If Cordelia won, then the mark would be lifted. But going rogue sounds a lot better than that.)

Okay, so, yeah, reapers *try* to reap every soul that dies. Generally, you have a designated reaper for every area, who keeps watch and is... pinged? when someone nearby dies. However, due to other reapers retiring, sometimes souls are missed and generally have to wander around before finding a way to the Underworld. Or, they never make it to the Underworld at all. It's the job of reapers to also reap these lost souls when they come upon them.

They show up to every death! They go of their own free will, but there is a... gps-like pinging? If they go off route, then something will let them know that "hey, buddy, you shouldn't go in this direction". But that doesn't necessarily stop them from not going.

So, uh, Cora is... registered? as a reaper in her area? No one is really there to take up the souls that she unintentionally kills, because no one is getting the "ping" that people have died because of her. But, uh, she also doesn't know how to lead souls to the underworld, so her parents are just wandering across the mortal lands without any guidance.