Young Writers Society

Hello writers, so this year I plan to write LN with some hebrew and japanese culture. I thought it is better idea if I can get some seggestion or new idea about my story.

Here we begin
One day a hebrew geek who live & study in Boarding School in japan, Tristov B*n ****tov, get new assigment to become a assistant in the school's physics lab. In the last experiment, he found that his physics teacher is building the teleport gate connected with a mysterious world, named Adnen.

Things getting worse since Tristov get a new neighbour (in a dorm) with a nickname Danya. He investigates the cases in the school and collects strange items. His curiosity led him to a fact that his boarding school was built by the greatest corporation in the world, perhaps in the universe too. The Alcoune Corporation.

For the first day I write this light novel, actually I got inspired from half Life games, since I love to play and mod the games for 8 years! But the differeance, the protagonist could not use physical ability to fight, he just like Sherlock Holmes ( or he seems like Joker be coz he is actual freaky geek). He should think to create traps or figure out his enemies' weakness

Who wants to criticize? Add some suggestion please

And the info you should now,

Tristov also revealed that was a time when there is a hebrew tribe led by his Ancestor, gone to Adnenworld for seeking new homeland. The story become more compilcated when the dark king from Babylon tries to capture Tristov because the prophecy told the king about the coming of the dark imam

For starters:

Use the correct terms for what you're trying to accomplish.

Japanese culture is not "geek culture." It is Japanese culture. By calling it "geek" culture, you're perpetuating countless harmful stereotypes about Japan and will never get the proper results in searching. Even then, "geek culture" references a whole bunch of different things based on your country of origin (for example, in North America that usually means into comic books under the imprints Marvel and DC, very rarely anime or manga); we also have a subset of "geek" for anime and manga fans, but there's a healthy and unhealthy subset of that subculture, too.

Japan has multiple subsets of its own "geek culture", which is again a subset of Japanese culture— not all Japanese people are geeks, and by calling them such, you're really doing yourself a disservice and will basically never get good characters.

Also, "Hebrew culture" can be a multitude of things— namely Jewish (ethno-religious), Jewish (ethno only, aka grew up in Jewish culture but is non-practicing and/or not devout), Israeli, or some combination of the above. Unless you identify whether or not these people are Jewish (which has multiple sub-types, namely the Ashkenazi, Sephardi, and Mizrahi— Eastern European, Spanish/Portuguese, and Middle Eastern, respectively), Israeli (which means they could not be Jewish), or both (which is rarer than it sounds).

You're not going to be able to research adequately, since each group (even each sub-type) has its own cultural nuances. There's even smaller groups among Jewish populations including Chinese Jewish people (Kaifeng), Indian Jewish people, and Central Asian Jewish people (Bukharan). You can read more about these multiple groups here.

Finally, I can't tell if you mean a Jewish-Japanese person or a Jewish person into Japanese culture (and what type of Jewish person). Both are distinct possibilities, but because your language isn't precise enough, I can't tell.

If you clarify what exactly you mean, then we can help you. But until then, this is too muddled to even start.

Rosendorn wrote:For starters:

Use the correct terms for what you're trying to accomplish.

Japanese culture is not "geek culture." It is Japanese culture. By calling it "geek" culture, you're perpetuating countless harmful stereotypes about Japan and will never get the proper results in searching. Even then, "geek culture" references a whole bunch of different things based on your country of origin (for example, in North America that usually means into comic books under the imprints Marvel and DC, very rarely anime or manga); we also have a subset of "geek" for anime and manga fans, but there's a healthy and unhealthy subset of that subculture, too.

You're not going to be able to research adequately, since each group (even each sub-type) has its own cultural nuances. There's even smaller groups among Jewish populations including Chinese Jewish people (Kaifeng), Indian Jewish people, and Central Asian Jewish people (Bukharan). You can read more about these multiple groups here.

If you clarify what exactly you mean, then we can help you. But until then, this is too muddled to even start.

I sorry if I cant response faster. I just got "blockade" in my boarding school. But at least I can edit and re-write my novels. Now I decided to split the story into 3 novels. But its still have connection just like Percy Jackson and Gods of Asgard (Rick Riordan's novels).

I thought it will better to have specific theme and straight plot. Stay focus. First is based on magical japanese boarding school, The second one is based on Hebrew "Fictional/fantasy" World, and the third is based on war between magic and technology, light and darkness.

But I would like to know if can mix the cultures in my novels and create more suspenses with the data and researches (Da Vinci is good novel with references and mysteries). Is it possible to create new culture/mix cultures that already exist without making the readers getting bored? Last months I read few thriller and adventure story but I wanted to stop reading them be'coz there are so many references (races, history, legends), dialogues, and conflicts to understand.

Maybe I should get focused to one story & then finish the others?

Here is a post on mixing cultures. In short: it's rarely a good idea, unless there's a pre-established mix and/or reason the mix can happen. Like, Chinese and Jewish exists right now, but there are right ways and wrong ways to mix.

If you mix the wrong things the wrong ways, you end up perpetuating cultural appropriation, which is very much not nice to do.

You didn't address a single point in my reply about using the right term. You're still using "Hebrew culture" when I told you point blank that doesn't exist.

Respect the cultures you're pulling from enough to use the proper words for them. You'll never get anywhere unless you do.

Thank you for your reccomendations! I really appreciate it.

Yeah, the term now must be geek novel. But i think it will great idea to be mixed with magical war, fantasy creatures, and logical thinking. The story will be focused on a geek student who must fights againts monster with his smart devices, genius plan, and teamwork.

Is it better storyidea?

I told you "geek culture" also does not exist. You have to be more specific.

You're still not giving your ideas the respect they deserve.

I disagree with Rosendorn. There is absolutely such a thing as geek culture (I would consider myself a part of it) although what that means in the US is quite different from what it means in Japan, and there *are* a lot of subsets of geek culture that all mix and overlap in interesting ways. (You will need to decide which subset(s) your particular character falls into - are they only a fan of anime, or do they love movies and other things as well? And then do research accordingly.) Still, it is not *wrong* for your character to consider himself a geek or to target your novel towards overall geek culture, particularly since you seem to be saying that he's not actually Japanese or from Japan, but is just going to school there, and so may very well have been influenced more by American ideas of what being a "geek" means rather than Japanese ideas.

It sounds like in your idea, your main character is a "geek" primarily in terms of being clever and smart and liking to solve puzzles and make elaborate traps. I personally might say that subset of geek falls more into the "nerd" category because it's focused more on logic and puzzles rather than media or stories, but it really depends on how you take it, and the lines between nerd and geek are quite blurry. I think the idea of a geeky character who fights monsters with traps and puzzles is a perfectly fine one, though you'll have a lot of development to do when it comes to figuring out how and why he is fighting these monsters.

I'm not sure if you're still planning to have him be Hebrew, but if you are I agree you really need to be more specific when you say that - what do you actually mean? The term "Hebrew" itself is rather outdated and not used to refer to an ethnicity today as far as I know. Is your character going to be a practicing Jew (and there are lots of different subsets of Judaism, so which one and what does that mean for him)? How culturally connected to his ethnicity is he? You can start answering these questions by doing research about Judaism and Jewish culture (though it would be best to narrow it down quickly to a specific sect so you have less information to sift through and you'll have to do it at some point anyway) and then fleshing out your character's backstory, especially including what his parents are like and where and how he grew up, as that will heavily influence how he interacts with his heritage.

Tristoph isn't actually japanese or Jewish. He has Jewish father who moved from German to Istanbul and his mother is a "dark priestess." It is revealed that his parents had been in mission from another world. His father hid his identity as the Geekmaster with special talent to craft and learn anything faster.

In the middle of story, it is revealed that the Mother isn't dead yet. She was abducted by the Dark Army of Alcoune. In the boarding school, Tristoph met a mysterious Yandere girl, Hasinai Norihu,who introduced him to wonderful world of Adnen.

The boarding school was filled by the Dark agents. They wanted him. Luckily he was saved by Norihu and taken away to Adnen.

I just got writer block when I must make new case about the Lost Tablet of Knowledge where Tristoph is being accused as the thief. I took 2 months to design stories with physics and math calculation.

Why I write this novel? I looked for good light novels but so many of them are really awful with love-focused theme. In same time, my friends need new ways to learn physics and math easily. I believed geeky character is the best choice.

I am still on fire, through. I'm now working in 2nd of the series.

There is still few uestions in my mind. I cant find it in books or websites.

How I can write good plot with science and math as the key to solve the main character's conflicts. I read sherlock holmes, but I wanted a story with implicit lessons within. The geek character must use the advantage of his lesson in the boarding school. I still get confused when I read my new case where Tristoph is trapped inside Alcoune Research Center. Tristoph must use the Vector and Law of Motion to escape and avoid his death.

I stucked here. Any suggestions are accepted. And I sorry if I misuse the "geek" in this forum. What I means it is a story about Geek with Jewish & Japanese culture. It will be 3 novels connected with Tristoph and Adnen world

You don't seem to be responding or paying attention to any of the posts, and even that greatly worries me. Because there's a lot about this plot, that while you might be writing fantasy, is still not appropriate on that level.

My first really major point is with the name. You change it from Tristov to Tristoph, which does have a similar pronunciation and maybe you're unsure of the name for now, but would point to two different cultures. Tristov might me interpreted as a German name, which would make sense because he's at least half German.
But Tristoph, (I can't find it as a last name) is more of a Russian last name. Actually Tristopher is the name I found and you could always cite maiden name as first name, but I highly doubt you actually thought about that.

Then I'm brought to the use of Hebrew and Jewish culture.
At least you've slacked off using Hebrew culture, but leaving in saying he's involved in Jewish culture but not Jewish, is a major conflict of interest. You might say that's he's fallen off the bandwagon religion wise, but to be raised by someone who was Jewish and to participate in certain parts of culture, it points to at least half practicing.
There's a lot of better ways to say that, so please find one.

Everyone else has already addressed the issues with the phrase Japanese culture. One thing I'd recommend if you're going to keep using it, is to actually capitalize Japanese.

Now let's talk about "dark priestess", which is such a generalized and cliche term. You currently have no explanation of what she's a priestess of, except it's something in the other world. I assume you mean to say she's a priestess of some sort of pagan religion but I can't really be sure of anything.
You need to nail down some serious details with the main characters, before you can really go off stealing about any plotline.

And then "Geekmaster" and those abilities, is a description stolen from a lot of other movies. First one that comes to mind is the lego movie.

For the math and science scenarios, Law of Motion could be involved in thousands of ways. I can help with that but dude, I really need specifics before I can explain how to utilize each position.

Hey Tristovee!

I like the ideas behind this plot. Teleportation gates are always fun. Having a major corporation as the antagonist is really ambitious, so I like the main character being a school kid. Underdogs are my favourite protagonists.

I'm gonna be honest, I've never tried this before so this is a total guess! In terms of how to go about the implicit lessons, I would do it like a magical fantasy book.

Harry Potter, for example, one of the best things about those books is that the spells are so memorable. A spell is mentioned briefly and put it in an entertaining context so that it stands out, usually during a class, and then later there is a puzzle where it actually becomes really significant.

With science you could introduce an unusual phenomenon in a classroom environment.

Then make some emotional connection to it. As a random example, say they're exploring how some gases under pressure explode, and a teenager relates emotionally to their home situation of feeling suffocated in a crowded house waiting for an argument to happen.

Then as the story progresses not only will your reader have a way of remembering the things they've learned, but you'll be able to use those science concepts as part of the plot rather than just the puzzle.

I hope this helps. Let me know what you think =]

Ha ha. First time I named my char as Tristov Ben Agastov. Inspired by my hebrew name.

Good Idea for underdog-like protagonist. It will need more than 2 novels to expose "the world domination" through big corporation which use technology and magic. But yess, this is my ambitious project, retell my life exp. and my dreams in fiction stories. It retells moment when I decide to use my knowledge to save the day and help my friends in dorm.

It also use historical scientists such as Ibnu Sina, Aljazari, Maimonides, St Albertus Magnus, Khawarizmi. Assasin Creed tried to motivate us to learn history and war. But my novels will motivate you to learn science, with focus on fictional events of "mixed history and culture"

Should I make glossary or small encyclop. for the readers?

I hope I got partners to write together in dorm. Open minded with fresh ideas.

BTW, my stories still have milllions of weird ideas. Sometimes Im out of my outline.

If geeky char and Japanese B. High School arent appropiate or illogical to be added on fantasy story, I really apologize. I just want to make adventurous LN. But i just disliked romance. And Teenlit also only express daily problems. I looked good exampl. such as Manga Guide to Physics.

And now for 1st case
Is it logical if we could find a murderer with phys. formula? I used vector and law of motion to see where a magical arrow came. Then I used the theory of oxydation and electrolysis to explain how the arrow can be burned without magic. So the true murderer is s human. Because human cant use magic