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Young Writers Society


Sagaba



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Wed Mar 29, 2017 5:33 am
Maxgaan says...



This seem pretty good?
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Sagaba Final.pdf
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Thu Apr 13, 2017 1:04 pm
queenofscience says...



Hi. What is it that your wanting? Do you want a reviw,feedback, or cutique? Or you can just ask? :)
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Thu Apr 13, 2017 5:18 pm
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Tenyo says...



Hi Maxgaan, welcome to YWS!

If you want detailed critique or feedback you can post in the literary forums via the Publishing Centre, (link up top.)

This is well formatted, with is always a good start. It gets pretty tense at points and there is a lot going on in a short space. I'd recommend easing off a bit on the stage directions. Scripts are all about dialogue and the interpretation of that dialogue, so including too many instructions detracts from that.
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This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much all of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
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