If you want detailed critique or feedback you can post in the literary forums via the Publishing Centre, (link up top.)
This is well formatted, with is always a good start. It gets pretty tense at points and there is a lot going on in a short space. I'd recommend easing off a bit on the stage directions. Scripts are all about dialogue and the interpretation of that dialogue, so including too many instructions detracts from that.
A person is a fool to become a writer. His only compensation is absolute freedom. He has no master except his own soul, and that, I am sure, is why he does it. — Roald Dahl
Gender:
Points: 200
Reviews: 0