Okay, so I've been planning a novel for a while now and I feel like I have got enough information to start. Grabbing the bull by the horns isn't all it's cracked up to be. I think I'm being too critical of myself so I thought I'd ask for everyones advice. My boyfriend told me, since he too is a writer, that the first one seems a bit too heavy, yet the second one is too "kitchen sink" aswell. Despite this I feel I need extra opinions. I will write them here and number them then please vote either one or two on the poll. Thanks.
1)The parchment of which he held in his hand, manifested his hatred of war through the words on the page yet again. He ran his other hand through his white hair and sighed. His skin had become limp through the stress he had undergone recently, and the bags under his eyes drooped prominantly. They were an abnormality to his usual bright features and and were a distraction from his aged beauty.
2)Gregory stared at the piece of parchment in his hand. He sighed as he cast his gaze over the solemn words. The pools of his eyes were filled with grief, yet aspiration flickered through them.
Please vote, comment and give contructive critisim as all is welcome. Apologies for any gramatical and spelling errors I wrote this quite briefly and it's not fantastic as you probably know by now. Thanks a lot this will really help me out.
Okay so I now have a new one Please include this one when considering the quality of them and leave your opinion as to which is better please :]
3)The letter explaining the death of his master laid on the table beside him. Gregory had read it a hundred times already but he still couldn’t come to terms with what it had to say.
He took hold the piece of parchment and read it yet again, it was as if the words were written in blood because he looked so solemn. Taking his hand and running it through his hair, he sighed. He was anxious but at the same time he couldn’t shake the underlying feeling of grief. He knew he had to get over that if he was to succeed. The chair he had been sat in for about a week was now making him ache. As slow as a snail he stood. His joints creaked and his muscles shook as they were being put to use after so long. He held onto the chair as he stabilised himself and braced himself to walk. One foot in front of the other he seemed to find it quite easy. He regained some strength walked to the door.
Gender:
Points: 1236
Reviews: 15