Young Writers Society

Just read your story Valor, and I really liked it! good luck on finding feedback! I know exactly how you feel. I kind of want my English teacher to read my book, but i get this feeling she could never, EVER appreciate fantasy. But i don't know. Anyway, good luck, and have fun with your journals! Those are oodles of fun.

The Update List
chocoholic
MidnightVampire
Heatherish
SirWozzel
JabberHut
Wolf
Bigbadbear
Gwenevire
GryphonFledgling

The Revision Update List
Aedomir
chocoholic
JabberHut
GryphonFledgling
Wolf

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Currently posted - Originals

Diary of a Villain: Pilot Section
This was my way of testing the waters. I typed up a small bit of the story (no plot, just went strait from the concept idea) and got such great reactions I decided it was worth putting on YWS. It's not necissary to read it since the original bit was made part of the prologue. Though there is also in the thread Yazra's dream (an idea I am trying to work into the story) and the original (yet horrible) version of chapter 2.

Diary of a Villain: Prologue
The awesomeness! It even has a little bomb beside it for being popular! Woot. ^_^ It's long enough to be a chapter. Here we meet Yazra, who is struggling with the fact she seems destined to be bad no matter how hard she tries to be good.

Diary of a Villain: Chapter One
^_^ A bit choppy and down for revision, it's set 7 months after the prologue. Yazra is working as a henchman for a wizard with plans to take over the continent.

Diary of a Villain: Chapter Two
IN this chapter we meet the antagonists. The chapter is unfinished due to the fact I realized I needed a map to figure out dates. =P

Currently posted - Revised

DoaV: Revised Prologue Part 1
The first part of the prologue revised. Detail has been added, the journal in pants has been removed as well as the scene with Toby. I don't know how much of an improvement it is, but I like it. I might end up changing it soon, there are strong calls for the analogy on the birds and the bees due to it being super long and less effective than the one with the rabbits and the wolves.

DoaV: Revised Prologue Part 2
Fear me. I have made Bear a boar, just to see how it works. (aka: used replace and mass replaced bear with boar =P)

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Update Plan for Originals

I'm a little held up due to needing to do some research, but with each passing day I feel I can get away with not doing it. Updates may happen sooner than you think! I have decided to try skipping the antagonist chapters and replacing them with a second journal done by Sillon which will be put in-between Yazra chapters. I like that idea because then people can opt not to read the journal entries, and not miss anything because they're simply just skipping the antags. I'll get on that soon and see what people think.

Update Plan for Revised

Prologue revision is almost done, but I'll not post the parts all at once. Once I'm done with the prologue's first revision, I will either do a second revision (based on what reactions I get) or move on to chapter one. This chapter will need some serious reworking, so it will have to wait until I'm done my little plot outline (me typing up the plot I have on paper and fixing dates and details).

DoaV's Makeover!

Yes, that's right. Be afraid. Or not. When I first posted the prologue and chapter one, I was showered in praise. Sure, there were a bunch of grammar issues (*is so proud of how few there are in revised version*), but otherwise people were telling me it was great. Which was great, because now I am committed to DoaV and the negative critiques can't pull me down.

However, when the revised prologue (part 1 & 2, at the moment) went up many things happened. For one, I got a bunch of reviews right off from my readers, which I am glad for. But also, I got some more critical reviews (Thank you Andy!) that made me notice that DoaV could be so much better. I was having fun before, now I need to pull up a chair and get serious.

The plan

The plot
I am doing a breakdown of the chapters in a nice little tableau (I think it's 'table' in english =P) for each chapter, event by event with the date on the side. This lets me see the antagonists' plot and Yazra's plot side by side. It also lets me decide where journal entries will be.

Yazra
Yazra needs some stabalizing, so I am going to do some character rants. Basically, I am going to talk about her until my head swims and I can see her clearly in my mind. I also need to find a song for her, as it will help me get a feel for her character type. Also, I need to work on her dialogue.

Yazra's Journal
I am going to separate Yazra's journal from the chapter itself, and write it separately. This will allow me to establish a bit of a flow and also give me the power to see where I am dumping info that could be worked into the plot. DoaV is called 'diary', but unless I can make the diary more interesting I will have to try and make sure it doesn't take over my story.

Sillon's Journal
At the moment I'm undecided on if I will be narrating Third person or first person the antagonist's movements, but I'll figure that out after I see what people think of Sillon's journal.

Character rants
I will do them for everybody as I come to them. Boar is second, as he is introduced in part two.

Revision
When the above is done/started, I am going to start revising the prologue. Big time. I'm going to try and work her dreams into the plot, as in my mind they are very important metaphors for her own personal and moral transformations. Unlike the first revision, the changes will be noticeable. For one, I am thinking I will cut the doctor and put in someone else. If I am going to go back and explain how he ended up dead, I don't want to have to go through the whole 'old man groping my MC' bit. =P Can you tell I shy away from explicitness?

Sounds great! =]

So far, I like the revision more. And character rants sound really awesome -- they also sound like a great idea for characterization -- and I'm sure they'll work. Maybe I should try them?

When the above is done/started, I am going to start revising the prologue. Big time. I'm going to try and work her dreams into the plot, as in my mind they are very important metaphors for her own personal and moral transformations.

Dreams sound really good. I'm curious as to what Yazra dreams about, too, and not to mention that dreams are really fun to write.

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Anyways, I think that's a really good idea. I wish I had your determination for my own story!

Cheers,
Camille

You're right Wolf! Dreams are fun, though I have avoided them for fear of being cliche. =P

Dream ideas

1) The raid: Yazra finds herself in the middle of a burning village strewn wit bodies. Some voice in her mind tells her she is the one responsible for this carnage, and she can only stare. It's a reoccuring dream she has, which ends whenever she tries to help the man who calls to her. As she has grown, the scene becomes more vivid and clear--growing in strength as she is exposed to more experiences. (ex: once she smells blood for the first time, the experienced enters her dream and she is trapped with the smell of the blood on her dream-self's clothes).

I think I first thought of this because one of my very early visions of Yazra was a young woman standing in a burning village wearing black armor. She's seen from the perspective of one of the good guys, who sees her as evil though we see her eyes are tired and sad. Behind her, looming out of the haze, is a black beast with glowing red eyes. She also has cute braids. ^_^ Obviously, the story very much deviated from the original vision, since Yazra has developed a phobia of the 'raid' environment.

2) The birds and the bees: My second idea was an entirely metaphorical scene. it would follow the theme of her mother's story, and as she dreams what her mother actually said would be revealed to us, as if she was narrating the scene.

3) Something else? I'm not sure how I feel about either one, but I do know I want her dreams, which I might actually tell through the journal, to have be a metaphorical reflection of how she changes throughout the book.

The question: is Yazra, or will be become, evil?

My current conception of Yazra is a young woman who is trying to be good, which failing miserably. She finally gives in and joins the villains. BUT, as I think readers have noticed, Yazra retains her more gentle (good) nature.

I'm not faced with wether or not Yazra will become evil, and wether she will stay that way. In a way, Yazra doesn't start off 'good', but she's not bad either. [spoiler]Someone asked me not to make her turn good, which I think I'd been planning on.[/spoiler] But now, as I think about it, I'm not sure I want her to. It's all going to depend on my character rants, and how she turns out (seriously, I don't make up these characters, they possess my hands and tell me who they are =P).

But it's a serious question. Her mindset is key, will she see villainy as villainy even though she's now part of it? I don't want her to be indifferent because that's very boring, but if she's 'good' then I am faced with the question of why she stays bad.

Food for thought.

Ooo! put me on both lists! You are very orgasnised, DoaV rules, great this grat that...

Brilliant!

The hold up

1. School sucks. It's definitely getting in the way. I have to write an essay in english (for friday), a seminar in english (wednesday), research information for a report I have to write in french (wednesday), research info for a group project (how I hate group projects) that's due next week sometime (did I meniton it needs to be 'creative'?), and for IB I need to write 1200 words analyzing a picture and another 1200 word dialogue over some philosophical debate.

Oh, and I have a unit test friday in Biology, which I need to study for.

2. AHHHH. Okay. I feel a little better. >.< DoaV is giving me trouble. I've figured Yazra out, but she's different than she was, so I don't know how to open. Or...well I do, but the mood is different! I think her journal's voice might change even, which would suck. -_- I need to spend some quality time with her or something. She's so difficult. >_>

And let's not talk about my antags. I'm going to have to narrate them, so I had better figure out how to make them kick-ass cool.

Oh, and also, the society is giving me a headache. Yazra starts off spending a lot of time in cities, so I need to decide how these people live. So hard! I've been reading up about the Middle Ages, but it's quite hard to track down informaiton on the lifestyles of people. I shall just have to write my own history. =P

And the map. I need to put a scale on the map.

OH! And I want to invent some creatures. ^_^ Conventional ones bore me. Also, must pick environment where they live, which needs some research into population stuff since my ability to calculate how many people are needed to run a city is pretyt horrid.

I feel your pain about school. Good luck!

Romance
Okay, so before any of my DoaV readers continue, I have a warning! This is going to be a plot spoiler. Unless things don't work out (sometimes they don't, as you will see with 'the original plan') Everything spoiler-like will be under the spoiler thingies, so you can read what text is visible to see if you want to know.

The Original Plan
Contains: My original plans for romance in DoaV, possible spoilers of plot elements and character elements.

I like romance. I wrote a whole trilogy all about a romance. XD However, it's a bit harder to do romance in a non-romance novel.

[spoiler]My original plan was with Derrin. I have this thing for the moody characters, and he gets the title because Derrin comes to consider Yazra one of the most detestible people (aka: he hates her) as soon as he realizes what she's been up to. For her part, Yazra ignores him, though she may be a little distressed by it since she isn't used to being hated outright. She has no hate for Derrin, and for all she's with the bad guys, she ends up exposing a lot of her more gentle nature, something Sillon notices, while Derrin is blinded by loathing. I won't spoil too much, but the general idea was that Derrin would eventually, between Sillon and Yazra, come to realize everything isn't black and white and that Yazra is more good than he anticipated, and inevitably fall in love.[/spoiler]

Why the original plan doesn't work anymore
[spoiler]For one, even before I changed Yazra's personality, there was the fact Derrin absolutely cannot forgive her. For him to be won over, it would take hideous amounts of time and Yazra to have a more outgoing personality than she did.

Post changes, there are still issues. For one, Yazra isn't as 'good' as she was, so the chances of him seeing the hidden sweet nature in her go down to a snowball's chance in hell. Unlikely at best. Not to mention with him being a hater, I don't see her liking him much either. So yeah, Derrin doesn't work out.[/spoiler]
The new plan

... Nah. I'll make you guys wait for it. ^_^ I like it at the moment, though I may cut romance from the story altogether if the characters just don't like each other.

She was of a good height with long legs and a graceful stance. As she looked out the window, her eyes danced like emeralds--

***

"Teddy" Esten snapped, interrupting the young caseworker. "Please stop romanticizing. This is a trial, not a poetry session."
Teddy bobbed his head apolitgeticaly, smilling sheepishly at Yazra.
"Right, sorry. Anyways..."

Random little idea I am toying with. Don't mind me.

New beginning of DoaV up. I called it Trial of a VIllain for 2 reasons:
a) I have so much DoaV stuff up, I think the world will explode if I called something 'Diary of a VIllain revamped: prologue part 1'. Seriously.
b) I am probably going to cut the diary from the story. >_> From now on, italics will probably be little inner monologues/thoughts. That or trial scenes that will be, periodically, interrupting the story. That might work.
c) There's a trial. The whole thing is a trial.

I decided first person sucks. It's much too hard for me to make things happen in that POV, just because it's so limited to the character's own sight. >_> So very, very limited. I tried.

Ugh. So, my new prologue has Yazra's soul being sentenced to punishment in hell, but I'm not sure I want to call it hell. There's too many pre-attached concepts on the whole heaven vs hell idea... and I was hoping to move away from it. Hmms. This will take some re-thinking. Hopefully, I won't get in trouble for getting rid of the conventional afterlife.