Okay I have read all over this site and not one forum is about jokes! If there is then i must of missed it somehow! Anyway, you guy's have sense of humor and you need to show people that! I think humor makes the best writers! So start posting! Go ahead......stop looking at this and go post.....GO NOW!
"Live like a kindergarten, you don't have to have the coolest clothes, the hottest boyfriend or girlfriend, you just have to eat the most paste and have the biggest box of colored pencils."
why isn't anybody posting? Well i get the advantage of being the first one i guess....okay so there was an Alien that came to America! He didn't know any English so he decided to take a walk around town. First he went past an Opera House and he heard someone sing "mememe". Then he went past a preschool and he heard a little kid crying and saying "He stole my wowipop".Then he went past a bar and heard a chant ringing up and it said "Forks and knives, Forks and knives". Then he went past Home Depot and heard the commercial "Plug it in, plug it in". As he was walking past a store a Policeman stopped him and pulled him inside of the caution tape and asked the Alien "Do you know who killed this man?"
"mememe", replied the Alien.
"Why did you do it?"
"He stole my wowipop."
"How did you kill him?"
"forks and knives, forks and knives" , said the Alien. The policeman arrested him and the Alien was sentenced to death by the electric chair. The policeman switched on the switch and it didn't turn on.
"Why won't this thing turn on?" asked the policeman.
"plug it in, plug it in." replied the alien!
I know the grammar and spelling ain't so great, but i am in a hurry!
"Darth Vader is my kind of man...he is tall, dark, and handsom"
*room falls silent then everyone turns to look at me*
"What?"
~This happend in art class to me.
well i guess that it is one of those jokes that you have to be mentally retarded like I am to laugh at it!
"Darth Vader is my kind of man...he is tall, dark, and handsom"
*room falls silent then everyone turns to look at me*
"What?"
~This happend in art class to me.
IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE A PG-13 JOKE, THEN SKIP OVER THIS POST!
You have been warned...
XxxxxxxX
So this guy moves to an eskimo village and the eskimo's keep avoiding him. Finally, after three weeks of being alone, he manages to corner one, and demands to know why everyone is avoiding him. He gets the answer that they have to avoid him until he can prove that he is a man. So, he asks what he has to do to prove he's a man.
"You have to drink two bottles of Moonshine, kill a polar bear and make love to one of our women for five hours straight."
So the man's like, "Okay, I'll do it."
So, that night, a whole group of eskimo's get together with this man and the "ceremony" begins. He downs the first bottle of Moonshine no problem, but the second one gives him problems. However, after an hour, he gets it down.
The eskimo's appluade this and get him to stand up, then point him in the direction of a polar bear cave. The man staggers in there. All is quiet for a few minutes, then all of a sudden, there's this horrible screeching and lots of yelling.
The man comes out later, scratches all along his body and bleeding heavily, utterly exhausted, but with a small smile on his face. He walks up to the group of eskimo's and says:
"All right... now where's the woman I have to kill?"
I have one joke that I tell. And upon telling it, anyone who laughs is immediately one of the people I know I want to hang out with. It takes a special kind to find this amusing.
Anyway, this guy shows up at his best friend's house, and he has a really large orange head. His friend asks him, "What happened to your head? It's big and orange!"
"Oh," the man says, "well I found a genie in a bottle this morning, and he gave me three wishes."
"Right, so what did you wish for?"
"Well first I wished to be a multi-millionaire, so now I'm really really rich."
"Great! What else did you wish for?"
"Okay then I wished to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world, and to have her love me forever."
"Awesome. So why do you have a big orange head?"
"Well then I came to my third wish, and I really think this is where things started to go wrong for me."
"What happened? What did you wish for?"
"Well... I wished for a big orange head."
Fin.
Isn't that the funniest thing you've ever heard? I know it is for me.
Gone, gone from New York City,
where you gonna go with a head that empty?
Gone, gone from New York City,
where you gonna go with a heart that gone?
Taha. That is pretty funny. I have one...and this is a real life experience.
I will just write what they said....
Riley: *Whispers* I have to fart
M.G.: Don't do that at the table...that's rude
Riley: It's too late...*Looks around and starts to whisper again* I already gave it its freedom
Teehee. THis happend at Crico's along with a kajillion other things. Crico's is the funnest place to hangout and the funniest things happen there.
Rite 2 meh lyk dis...and I shoot you.~Unknown
I'm the future of America. Be afraid. Be very afraid~Unknown
If you're blonde and you know it clap your hands *Snap* *snap*
If you're reading this...you're finished reading.
Two Eggs: This ones much better told but I'll give it a shot. PG-13(?) [spoiler]Two eggs are dropped in a pot of water. The one gets hard quickly but the other one not so much. The first eggs says "Whats your problem? I'm already hard." Two which the still soft one replies: "Ya, I just got laid this morning."[/spoiler]
Haha it was funny. Laugh!
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