Young Writers Society

Tessitore wrote:

Masturbates. (not that you wanted to know or anything... )

Heh. Well, I figure most (MOST!) teenagers over 14 have masturbated and I, personally, have no issue with it. In fact, I'm quite the expert. Having started at 12. Yup, 12.

I also frequently give sex tips. Anyone is invited to contact me if they have any questions about anything ^^.

...

Hm...

Maybe I AM going to hell...

wait till Bobo sees this list...there's gonna be screamin and a yellin...it'll be funny. just watch.

Tessitore wrote:I posted this in my blog and decided to put it here, too. I found this damned amusing:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Is your child a Goth? Presented by St. Mary's Church

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates.

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone gothic... raise your hands.

*raises hand*

The only ones I didn't get was:

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

...wow, I'm so damned...

~*Raises hand*~

On at least ~*counts*~ 25 of those acounts.

27. 27!!!!!

hmm. . .

lets see how many apply to me... *counts on fingers, runs out of fingers.* actually, everything except the actual dressing like a goth and thinking I'm a goth and wanting to be a goth. Oh, and I don't eat Count Chocula cereal or listen to Marylin Manson. But everything else basically applies.



I also agree that this sounds like a joke. Even if it was a real handout, I think it was written by someone having a little too much fun.

I got 27. I'm a Goth then too....

Okay, I have the following symptoms:
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. (I'm not sure what this means, exactly, but it probably applies.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little. (Not for lack of trying, though.)
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. ( don't know if "insists" is the right word, but who doesn't like independence like this?)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
Well, that's only 8/37, but I guess I'm still a goth. 9 if you count eating Count Chocula once. And those Scooby-Doo cereals probably count, too.

Now, here's a list that probably applies to the average teenager of today:
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates.

Well, It would be very hard to find, according to this list, someone who is NOT a goth. Too bad... looks like the world is going to the devil.

Of course, in my opinion, only a few of those things actually apply to Gothicism; most either mean other problems or aren't even bad at all. I wouldn't be surprised if these people also think Harry Potter and Scooby Doo are evil.

*Closes mouth shut*
Where...is this a real...what?!
Jeeeeez.

Anyway...*raises hand* Eleven.

This isn't a joke, i saw this months ago on my friends blog.

Here let me dig it out, he ripped it aparted.

Oh, by the way, i got 26

If You Child is Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

Recently a flyer from a local church was sent around with this message, here it is in full.

If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!
Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your
child may have gone astray from the Lord.

Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous
culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil,darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer,
and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

Let's see how many I can apply for.

-Frequently wears black clothing.
My wardrobe, as my friends will tell you, consists of black t-shirts and blue jeans. 1.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
If I had some, I certainly would. Can you say Darude? Safri Duo? I won't mark this one, though.

-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
I had my fingernails painted black once for $2 -- I needed lunch money. I won't count this either.

-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include:
reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various
other Satanic worshipping symbols.
None of these apply to me, but I love the story behind the pentagram:
Early Christians attributed the pentagram to the Five Wounds of Christ and from then until medieval times, it was a lesser-used Christian symbol. Prior to the time of the Inquisition, there were no evil associations to the pentagram. Rather its form implied Truth, Religious Mysticism and the work of The Creator. The Emperor Constantine I who, after gaining the help of the Christian church in his military and religious takeover of the Roman Empire in 312 AD, used the pentagram, together with the chi-rho symbol (a symbolic form of cross) in his seal and amulet.

The annual church feast of Epiphany, celebrating the visit of the three Magi to the infant Jesus as well as the Church's mission to bring truth to the Gentiles had as its symbol the pentagram, (although in present times the symbol has been changed to a five-pointed star in reaction to the Neo-Pagan use of the pentagram).

In the legend of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, the pentagram was Sir Gawain's glyph, inscribed in gold on his shield, symbolizing the five knightly virtues - generosity, courtesy, chastity, chivalry and piety.

In Medieval times, the Endless Knot was a symbol of Truth and was a protection against demons. It was used as an amulet of personal protection and to guard windows and doors. The pentagram with one point upwards symbolized summer; with two points upwards, it was a sign for winter. During the long period of the Inquisition, there was much promulgation of lies and accusations in the interests of orthodoxy and elimination of heresy. The Church lapsed into a long period of the very diabolism it sought to oppose. The pentagram was seen to symbolize a Goats Head or the Devil in the form of Baphomet and it was Baphomet whom the Inquisition accused the Templars of worshipping. The Dominicans of the Inquisition moved their attention from the Christian heretics to the Pagan Witches, to those who only paid lip-service to Christianity but still followed an Old Religion and to the wise-ones amongst them. In the purge on Witches, other horned Gods such as Pan became equated with the Devil (a Christian concept) and the pentagram, the folk symbol of security, for the first time in history, was equated with evil and was called the Witches Foot.

Moving on...

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
Well...I've thought about it, but not seriously, so no.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of
music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks
against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
I have a hunch that they would count heavy techno, Metallica, Rammstein, and Drowning Pool in there. So, 2.

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak
eccentrically.
Gasp! Eccentrically! Conform to the will of the Borg -- you will be assimilated. I was formerly in the Magnet Program, and I'm in the robotics club. That is a definite yes. 3.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such
as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
Bible? Wholesome. Church? Wholesome. Sports? Sure, ya dumb jock! (J/K...). But thinking and questioning? Nooooooo. Methinks they won't call being an atheist "wholesome" -- 4

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic,
the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
I had a tarot card reading, and I'm always interested in anything, especially other beliefs. Death, too occupies a good bit of my thought. Sure, why not? 5.

BTW - I'm now officially Goth.

-Takes drugs.
Ibuprofen. 6.

-Drinks alcohol.
A glass of wine now and then, and a bit of beer is fine by me. 7.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
Hello? Teenagers here! Doesn't apply to me, but by that standard, half of any youth group I've ever been in would be gothic.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and
His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
I cut and burn things, but not usually myself. Now, I don't agree with their analysis with the mentality, but I'm definitely going to have to second that last bit. Please, don't do it.

-Complains of boredom.
Are you kidding me? Boredom? 8.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
Yes, stress (causing little sleep) and sleeping in (to relax) are sure signs of demon possession. OUT YOU FOUL BEAST! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! (9)

-Is excessively awake during the night.
Up until 6 AM playing Wolfenstein. (10)

-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to
vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
In the 21st century, a large portion of teenagers are computer geeks. This unique subspecies of hominids has a natural loathing of fresh air and sunlight.
Good thing I'm bringing my 5-minute exorcism kit on the weekend robotics trip. All kinds of sun-loathers there.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits.)
I knew that is what I was doing reading Ghandi in my bedroom...(11, 12, 13)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
Let's try context again -- TEENAGERS. (14)

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and
elders are but a few examples of this.

Figures of authority hold my respect by merit of behavior not position. (15)

-Misbehaves at school.

See above. (16)

-Misbehaves at home.

Same applies for family, often. (17)

-Eats excessively or too little.

This is getting absurd. (18)

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.

Not that it wasn't absurd already. (19)

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood.
(Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

This whole list is making me sick to my stomach. I'm gonna go settle it with a Bloody Mary.

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media
sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

Wheeee! Church-ordained thinking, again! Like the Party, but you actually learn to love it! (And we all knew about Fox News already.) (20)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

Wolfenstein, Call of Duty, C&C (3 versions), Halo, Age of Empires (I & II), Claw, Rainbow Six, Carnivores (I & II),four combat flight sims, Delta Force 2, Civilizations III. Call me Lucifer. (21)

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

I have a Xanga, don't I? Worse, I have two of them. (22)

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

'Violently shakes head to music"

That just made my day.

(23)

-Dances to music in a provocative manner.

I don't know how to dance, but if I did, it would definitely be verrrry provocative. Lustful, even. Have fun wiping that image off the back of your retinas.

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

No, but if I ever meet these people, I'll say I am -- just to watch them sputter.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

A few things on this one:

Philosophy is a satanic cult religion. 'Nuff said. (24)

Hinduism and Buddhism - yeah, that whole 'enlightenment and peace' thing is certainly of the devil. Bad Ghandi! Bad!

cult ( P ) Pronunciation Key (klt)
n.


A religion or religious sect generally considered to be extremist or false, with its followers often living in an unconventional manner under the guidance of an authoritarian, charismatic leader.
The followers of such a religion or sect. Everything but the One True Faith, right?
A system or community of religious worship and ritual. Christianity - check.
The formal means of expressing religious reverence; religious ceremony and ritual. Christianity - check.
A usually nonscientific method or regimen claimed by its originator to have exclusive or exceptional power in curing a particular disease. Christianity - check.

Obsessive, especially faddish, devotion to or veneration for a person, principle, or thing. Christianity - check.
The object of such devotion.
An exclusive group of persons sharing an esoteric, usually artistic or intellectual interest. Christianity - definitely not.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.

Holy shit! That is absolutely brilliant! If your child says he/she is a Goth, chances are he/she is a Goth! Wow -- Einstein, move over. The sad thing is that if you were only able to check of those two, you're missing at least three more that it would take to actually make your child a Goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. Yes, please do. By handing over your keys, property, SSN, and banking information. Then, for even looking over this list, kindly proceed out your back door, find the tallest tree you can, and hang yourself. Society will thank you profusely. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

"Doctor, you must help my child!"

<All right, calm down, Miss. Can you tell me what the problem is?>

"I can't say it out here -- it may bring on the demons!"

<Okaaaaaay...why don't we just go back to my office.> (Brief interlude) <Now, can you describe the problem to me?>

(Parent leans in close and whispers)

"My son...he's one of them...he's a...GOTH!"

<...>

"Surely you can cure him of his demons!"

<You know, Ma'am, I might just be able to help your family. Why don't you just slip into this white coat -- it will protect you from the exorcised demons. Yes, I know the sleeves are a bit long. Let me just tie them behind your back so that the demons can't fly up there into your heart. In fact, to be safest, you had better step into the padded room. It's coated with SatanSafe, the number one anti-evil insulation on the market. Now, it will be just a second...I'm going to dead-bolt the door to be extra safe. See you!>

"Whew, good thing I brought my son here when I did so he could get the mental health care he so desperately needed."

In case you stopped counting, I qualify as goth on 24 points, almost five times the number needed. Those lovely men in white lab coats should be coming for me any time now. Wait a second, they deal with real problems, not irrational phobias and free-thinking. That's the church's jurisdiction!

Wait a minute.
Tessitore, you drink blood?!

After doing some digging about this letter, I believe this letter, supposedly sent out by a Saint Mary's Catholic Church, is a hoax.

For one, no site on the net has the original source document. Now, one site does provide a link to the church from whence this came, but a search on the site reveals no evidence of such a letter and I find it highly dubious that a Catholic Church from Annapolis, Maryland would ever publish this type of letter. I actually live less than one hour south of Annapolis, and this area is not prone to publishing these types of letters. I think the one site listed Saint Mary's Church as the resource merely because it's website happily coincides with its name. Not only that, but the supposed source calls itself "Saint Mary's Parish" not "Saint Mary's Catholic Church"

Although, there are several ways to find out if this is a forgery...

- No name is given at the bottom of the letter. Any letter sent out by a Church always ends with "Father" so and so.
- A Catholic church never includes the word "Catholic" in its name.
- No details are given in the letter. It just says "a local church."
- You never recieve letters like these at a Catholic church. I've regularly visited fifteen different Catholic churchs in my 21 years, and all you ever get is a bulletin about upcoming events.

In the end, this letter is funny, but it's a hoax.

MasterChief wrote:Wait a minute.
Tessitore, you drink blood?!

its a tasty low-carb beverage everyone can enjoy.

Thanks for ruining our fun, Nate. SHEESH!

MasterChief wrote:Wait a minute.
Tessitore, you drink blood?!

Oh, is that on there? I quite missed that when counting.

At one point, yes, I tried it out, but that was my own... and that was when I was... kinda psychotic.. about two years ago...

...erm...

*hides*

Galatea wrote:Thanks for ruining our fun, Nate. SHEESH!

Bobo wrote:Now, here's a list that probably applies to the average teenager of today:
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates.

Well, It would be very hard to find, according to this list, someone who is NOT a goth. Too bad... looks like the world is going to the devil.

Of course, in my opinion, only a few of those things actually apply to Gothicism; most either mean other problems or aren't even bad at all. I wouldn't be surprised if these people also think Harry Potter and Scooby Doo are evil.

*cough*stereotype*cough*

Bobo, you wouldn't know a goth if I walked up and smacked you in the face!