Young Writers Society

Hi, guys, I could use a little help with something. Below is an excerpt from a story I'm currently writing for school.

Some people did know of Najra, but if they knew about it it was only because
of the University, of a city ancient behind walls, that was foreign and alien to
them and so became appealing.

I don't want to repeat the it - looks cumbersome - but I'm not sure if there's another way to do it. Any suggestions?

Thanks

-Dream Deep _/)[/quote]

Dream Deep wrote:Hi, guys, I could use a little help with something. Below is an excerpt from a story I'm currently writing for school.

Some people did know of Najra, but if they knew about it it was only because
of the University, of a city ancient behind walls, that was foreign and alien to
them and so became appealing.

I don't want to repeat the it - looks cumbersome - but I'm not sure if there's another way to do it. Any suggestions?

Thanks

-Dream Deep _/)

Try it like so : "Some did know of Najra, but only because of the University of a city, ancient behind walls, that was foreign to them and so became appealing."

You see I also dropped alien - as it means the same as foreign; and I tweaked the punctuation.(...That's up to you in the end; I know you didn't ask for a sentence entirely critiqued. ^_^'')

Helpful, I hope?

yes imps version sounds good.

You, my firends, are life savers.

Thank you thank you thank you thank you.

:lots_hearts:

Hehehe...

If you want to go for a more fragmented effect (I'm not quite sure you do but...) here's my attempt:

Some people did know of Najra, but only because of the University. Of an ancient city behind walls. It was foreign to them and so became appealing.

I'm not quite sure if this is what you intended to say... but hey!

Snoink wrote:Hehehe...

If you want to go for a more fragmented effect (I'm not quite sure you do but...) here's my attempt:

Some people did know of Najra, but only because of the University. Of an ancient city behind walls. It was foreign to them and so became appealing.

I'm not quite sure if this is what you intended to say... but hey!

Have you spoken to Hemmingway lately?

Frequently. He seems to be my alter ego. XD