Young Writers Society

Welcome to Dialogue 101, folks! Please fasten your seatbelts and keep your hands inside the vehicle at all times...

Okeydokey. To start off-

THE FIVE COMMANDMENTS OF DIALOGUE:

5. Thou Shalt Be To The Point
4. Thou Shalt Pepper Thy Dialogue With Slang Or Properness As Thou Shalt See It Fit
3. Thou Shalt Not Go Out Of Thy Way To Find More Interesting Words For Said
2. Thou Shalt Keep Situation/Human Nature In Mind

1. Thou Shalt Be True To Thy Character


Yeah, okay, I know you’ve heard most of those before. And I think you sort of grasp what I’m trying to get at, so I won’t bother explaining them.

PSYCHE!

You knew I would do that, eh?

5. Thou Shalt Be To The Point- there is nothing worse than rambling dialogue. You’ve probably met some of it whilst reading…and it is about as icky as frog guts. Or half-digested Barbie’s shoes (take it from someone who knows.)

4. Thou Shalt Pepper Thy Dialogue With Slang Or Properness As Thou Shalt See It Fit- Goes along with the first commandment, but it’s much more specialized. Slang is good. Repeat. Slang is goooooooood. However, if you overuse it, it’s also about as disgusting as half-digested plastic. (I’ll show you later how to cut down). On another front, if you’re writing about a bunch of Yale University neurosurgeons at a conference, you probably don’t want too much slang in there (generic ‘hi’ is okay. Oooh, so’s okay. )

3. Thou Shalt Not Go Out Of Thy Way To Find More Interesting Words For Said-
This is a major mistake amateurs make. Take this excerpt:

“The human bean,” the Giant went on, ‘is coming in dillions of different flavours. For instance, human beans from Wales is tasting very whooshey of fish. There is something very fishy about Wales.”
“You means whales,”Sophie said. “Wales is something quite different.”
“Wales is Whales,” the Giant said. “Don’t gobblefunk around with words.”

-The BFG, by Roald Dahl (p 28. 1982, Puffin Books)

See, he uses said twice in a row, and you don’t notice it. (I say english teachers everywhere should be taken out and forced to eat tartar sauce pops!)

And it sure is a lot better than:

“But we’ll never be together again!” sobbed Rosie. “ I mean, you’re moving to Arkansas!
“This sucks,” moped Angie.
“And you’ll probably meet a really great guy and forget about us!” prophesied Mykayla.
“Don’t worry, guys,” I cooed. “It’ll be all right.”

See how bad that is? (I know it doesn’t really help that I made this up off the top of my head, so it sucks accordingly ) This was inspired by a really horrible piece I critiqued on another writing site… *rant over*

2. Thou Shalt Keep Situation/Human Nature In Mind- Hey, it’s nice to have two people in a kind, loving relationship that never interrupt each other. Reality check! People are always going to accidently interrupt one another or lash out and little things like that. Also, if you’re hanging off the edge of a cliff, your conversations are going to be a bit varied from those you might have sitting on the couch, watching TV. That goes for situation.

1. Thou Shalt Be True To Thy Character- Face it. A galley cook aboard a pirate ship is going to speak differently than a lawyer from Michigan. This is very huge…and a rule most people forget about it.



Now that you’ve got these basic principles down, I’m going to show you how to tell good dialogue from bad dialogue with these rules (and a few more!)

So grab a pencil and some paper and…uh…scrooooooooooll on down!

“No one,” he mumbles. “I got horses to see to. No time for fumblin’ around with some daft maid on May Mornin’, nor any other time.”
“Pah! That’s a fib!”Nell flings both arms wide and twists her face to look like a parsnip. “Beware, sinner! Beware what you say! Repent! Repent! For Satan loves a fibber and will cary ou off to burn in Hell. In Hell, I tell you, where fibbers go. And frolickers. And women who wear scarlet ribbons or sweep their hearths on Sundays-“
“Hush…Hush up, you daft wench.”
“Repent! Repent! For I am your minister. God’s representative in this heathen place. For though my nose drips and I do not know a hoe from my-“
“Nell,hush!”

-The Minister’s Daughter, by Julie Hearn (pgs. 4-5. 2005, Atheneum books For Young Readers)

What’s Good? (Try this out before you read the answers. If you come up with one that works that isn’t down there…I’ll give ya a cupcake!)



Not only is it pretty funny (especially if you read it in context) but it flows extremely well. You can tell who’s talking, even if the author doesn’t constantly put ‘Sam said, Nell said’.

Also ask yourself, does the language work for two 17th century teens (the guy is a blacksmith’s apprentice, the other’s the healer’s granddaughter)? Yeah. I thought so. It does.

There’s also some slang (wench, frolick *shudder*), but not so much of it we go ‘STOP THE MADNESS!’


So, today, you’ve learned (hopefully) the five commandments and an introduction on how to pick apart good and bad dialogue.

MORE FUN TO COME! YAY!

I disagree with the said part.

If you use said too many times, it is like stabbing your eyes with hot pokers.

"Hi," I said.
"Hi," she said.
"What's new?" she said.
"Not much," I said.
"Want to see some coral?" I said.

Using the word "said" exclusively will suck any emotion out of a story immediately. Which is more effective?

"I'm so angry!" he said.

OR

"I'm so angry!" he roared

Used effectively, these different adjectives can make a story better. Using them too much has the same problems as using "said" every single sentence.

Griffinkeeper wrote:I disagree with the said part.

If you use said too many times, it is like stabbing your eyes with hot pokers.

"Hi," I said.
"Hi," she said.
"What's new?" she said.
"Not much," I said.
"Want to see some coral?" I said.

Using the word "said" exclusively will suck any emotion out of a story immediately. Which is more effective?

"I'm so angry!" he said.

OR

"I'm so angry!" he roared

Used effectively, these different adjectives can make a story better. Using them too much has the same problems as using "said" every single sentence.

Er...

In the first case, you would omit the I said/she said after you figure out who the characters are. And instead of using the word "roared" you can easily describe the splotched purple look on the speaker's face.

“No one,” he mumbles. “I got horses to see to. No time for fumblin’ around with some daft maid on May Mornin’, nor any other time.”

Yes, it uses something other than said, but in this case, it works. It gives the impression to the reader that this is someone who isn't very intelligent, just by the accent, and what he says further proves the notion. It uses slang, but not to much to be completely annoying.

“Pah! That’s a fib!” Nell flings both arms wide and twists her face to look like a parsnip. “Beware, sinner! Beware what you say! Repent! Repent! For Satan loves a fibber and will cary you off to burn in Hell. In Hell, I tell you, where fibbers go. And frolickers. And women who wear scarlet ribbons or sweep their hearths on Sundays-“

I don't like the word "pah" (I would use a different word) but it gives the impression of interruption. The word "said" is omitted for a better description. Maybe this guy uses too many exclamation marks, but it's obviously a hysterical rant, so in this case it works well. Also, there are fragments which further give realism to the piece. And the fragments gradually develop into larger (and more ridiculous) sentences. Then, before the madness is continued, the woman is interrupted. You can tell because of the hyphen.

“Hush…Hush up, you daft wench.”

It still captures the farmer's tone. Since it does this, "he said"can be omitted.

“Repent! Repent! For I am your minister. God’s representative in this heathen place. For though my nose drips and I do not know a hoe from my-“

Er... last sentence is corny. But she is getting more ridiculous, so what can you expect? At least she's finally shut up at the end.

[quote]“Nell, hush!”

This is the only time he uses an exclamation point. I think that's pretty awesome. Exceptions are always fun.

In the first case, you would omit the I said/she said after you figure out who the characters are. And instead of using the word "roared" you can easily describe the splotched purple look on the speaker's face.

I agree.

yep, I'm with Sam and Snoink on this one. You shouldn't overuse words like "said" but neither should you go out of your way to find words to use instead.

But definitely the thing to do when learning to write dialogue is to become an expert listener. Listen to how people talk. I read a lot of books about teenagers, and there seems to be an epidemic of writers who know nothing about how teenagers talk.

It's just a basic rule of thumb. If someone's saying something uber-important (or they're extreme in emotions/body language) than you should use said. I digress.

Well, about the whole "said" ordeal ... it will not feel too repetitive if a proper amount of good prose is put in between the lines of dialogue. Honestly, when reading, don't you feel exhausted after going through JUST dialogue. Nonetheless, "said" is still the best way to go. "Cried" is also very handy. The only time when you should really use another verb is if you which to put an adverb in front of "said," and another verb can describe it more clearly.

And, regarding the slang, this is a VVEERRYY tricky subject. Of course, there are entire sections of how-to devoted to JUST this, so what I can say is ... well ... only the general rule. Too much slang will make the dialogue seem hackneyed and forced. The best, yet hardest way to make dialogue representative of a person's culture is to get the order of the words right, and what kind of words used. Listen carefully to someone of this background speaking. Listen not to how they stress or don't even pronunciate certain consonants, but listen to the WAY they say things. After much practice, you'll eventually get it right.

There are various ways you can describe your characters speech. A different word than said can convey emotion, but even saying said with a small, yet vivid, description can provide just as much detail. There should be a balanced mixture of the two.

If you can I'd tend to used what feels right for the "saids". But some people aren't as good as doing things through feel as others, so it's not very good advice.

Thnks snoink! I'll definitely use these tips to my advantage!

Uhh...*cough*

Oh, wow, I definitely need to update this.

I had forgotten this was here! I'm really glad you posted this, though, Sam. This stuff is all very helpful. I'm pretty decent at dialogue (which is lucky since my description or lack thereof makes Snoink want to strangle me) but the commandments are great and oh so true.

Thanks!

Darn it, why is everyone picking on me in this thread? XD

But yeah. You HAVE to support your dialogue with description in some form or another. It's really hard to pull it off without the description, unless your reader has a firm idea on who is who. Otherwise... suppoprt is good.

Areida wrote:I had forgotten this was here! I'm really glad you posted this, though, Sam. This stuff is all very helpful. I'm pretty decent at dialogue (which is lucky since my description or lack thereof makes Snoink want to strangle me) but the commandments are great and oh so true.

Thanks!

Agreed, however I often struggle with dialogue, in fantasy it all goes a little epic for my liking.

THOU SHALT NOT ARGUE WITH THE UNSINKABLE SAM!!! DON'T YOU FOOLS KNOW SHE TOOK HER SATS AND WAS IN THE 80TH PERCENTILE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Sam is always right. On the other foot...you were right. And moving on from there...I laughed so much at rule #2 it attracted attention.

Also, if someone "roared" something I would probably cow, and then run away. Roaring is for Lions. And possibly dragons, depending on the situation.