Young Writers Society

I found this little tip in one of my writing books, The Pocket Muse by Monica Wood (http://www.amazon.com/Pocket-Muse-Ideas-Inspirations-Writing/dp/1582971420)

In this passage, she recommends trying to write something, not using any form of the verb "to be" - am, are, is, was, were, all that. Doing this every so often lives up the text, in her opinion, and drives away dull voices.

Wood's examples:

Before the ditching of be:

"When she finally emerged from the house, Mary was stunned. The sun was blinding, but the weather was cold. All around her were frozen trees that had broken off at their waists. Everything was both beautiful and awful."

After the ditching of be:
"Mary emerged from the house, stunned by a blinding sun. The trees, broken off at their waists, lay over the yard, each naked branch encased in a sleeve of ice. The day felt both beautiful and awful."

Which one do you think sounds better?

I have to do this for my lit papers, and it really is a great trick. It forces you to think of new words. For our last few papers, we were only allowed to use any form of "to be" five times in the text of an eight page paper. It was an effort, let me tell you! But in the end it made the writing a lot better though.

Sometimes the English language is impossible to get around. There is no other way to say "She was pregnant".

Also, for me, removing was -ing, or -ing verbs used in past tense structure, and "become/became" also produces better texts.

That's so awesome that your teacher did that - I hadn't thought of something like this until I read this passage.

It's funny how eliminating seemingly necessary words can make a piece of writing better.

I think sometimes it's perfectly fine to use it...maybe as an exercise, the way Suzanne had to do it, but often I think "to be" is used effectively! The passages you showed each had their merits, I think...part of it is the way the "bad" example is written makes it sound bad.

I didn't really take it as a "never" use the verb to be! sort of thing. Just something to keep in mind.

I guess. ^^

I used "to be" verbs in my writing often to give my MC, who is essentially a slave, a more passive voice.

Wow, I have to try using this more often. It makes things sound so much better.

Thanks

Even though I would change the last sentence, I still like the first one better.

My English Composition teacher had us do this last year too. In one of the last short stories we wrote he had us highlight all the verbs like 'can, would, could, to be, make, (can't think of any more but there are a lot) and then try to eliminate as many as possible. It was really hard.