I've noticed in many of the short stories, novellas, and flash fictions I read by young authors (as in online authors), and even when I write myself, that suspense scenes and action scenes can get quite dull, repetitive, and lack fluency.
I often write fiction set back in the early AD centuries of Asia, which requires a lot of action. But when describing a scene things can get horribly dull. Here is an example of simple description in a fight scene:
"The enemies closed in on him; the messenger had one chance of escape, but it appeared futile. But futile could never stop the boy, only dampen him.
One came towards him, giving his spear a shove and his fist a friend. The messenger lost his footing, but kicked the man in his stomach. The others came, prodding him with fists and dull knives, until he broke free of them and took off. They all followed like stampeding oxen. However, with the stealthiness he boasted of, quite often I must add, he maneuvered up a tree and out of their sight." ("Disparager" by me. 2007)
Another, much older example:
"Tirah quickly and swiftly approached Li only to surprise him with an unpleasant crescent kick, bringing him down. Liang noticed the new enemy and rapidly threw three sharp daggers at the girl. Dodging their blades she rushed up, leaning towards the ground, and hastily knocked her down." ("Three C's" by me. 2003) I can't even stand reading it! Eek, it's so generic.
I know, that was a lot to read, but do you see what I mean? When describing such scenes as these I find it hard to avoid "he ----, then ----." Sentences, which describe the action but dehydrate the suspense.
Please, if anyone knows some tips to writing successful suspense/action descriptions, please post! It will be much appreciated by both myself and my readers.
Gender:
Points: 540
Reviews: 14