Young Writers Society

Twirling,
Spinning,
Dancing slowly,
In a silent room.
Dizzy from her ever-present perfume.
Watching her sail through the air,
While swaying in the wooden rocking chair.
Calling out to her to come,
But she stays away from.
Quickly, she prances,
While you become frantic.
Wait! You shout,
While she just leaps about.
You finally come to know,
What she has said a while ago.
All she does is twirl,
Spin,
And dance slowly,
While you must sit there and accept this wholly.

Hi Izzy!

Beautiful. That's what this poem was. It was so beautiful and I loved reading it. It made me imagine something like an empty auditorium with a girl dancing and the spotlight on her, while in the darkness there was a chair and someone was sitting there, quietly, and watching her. It was just amazing.

Now, I do think you could have arranged the poem in stanzas. It's not always necessary, but here I think it could have been. Something like this, maybe:

Twirling,
Spinning,
Dancing slowly,
In a silent room.
Dizzy from her ever-present perfume.

Watching her sail through the air,
While swaying in the wooden rocking chair.
Calling out to her to come,
But she stays away from.

Quickly, she prances,
While you become frantic.
"Wait!" You shout,
While she just leaps about.

You finally come to know,
What she has said a while ago.
All she does is twirl,
Spin,
And dance slowly,
While you must sit there and accept this wholly.

Also, in some places the rhyming seemed forced, and I didn't actually expect there to be any rhyme because this poem sounds better (to me) if you don't rhyme. Like, here:

Calling out to her to come,
But she stays away from.

I think you could leave out "from" here. It sort of breaks the flow of the poem.

Besides that, I loved the poem. <3

~HPR~

This was neat.

The title is a bit too serious for my tastes, considering your tone and subject matter. But, I can't think of many silly ways to say "Silent Dancer" at the moment.

This was more or less nice overall. The tone stayed consistent, whimsically telling the dancer's story from some third-person perspective. Perhaps clarify that perspective, expand upon it... I would as an audience member appreciate knowing the speaker on some level. Throw us some hints, at least! And perhaps get rid of that messy, difficultly-punctuated "You" character in the middle.

The rhyming is a bit much at the end. It's good in the opening lines to establish the silliness, but by "... leaps about" it just wears on me and removes from my enjoyment experience.

The line breaks are kind of... quirky, I suppose. I don't really see how they can be changed easily, though. If you feel up to it, you can revamp the entirety of the poem beyond the first 4-5 lines, but that's up to you. Just a quick note, though, try not to start lines with "and" if the line is short and not particularly powerful. So, your current second-to-last line would flow and read better as just "Dance slowly."
Also, feel free to not capitalize every line, but just every new sentence.

Liked it, can certainly get even better, keep writing! =]