Young Writers Society

One late winter evening, all rainy and black,
I tapped at my keyboard - a quick clicker-clack,
Typing away at my programming task,
With coffee on hand, in industrial flasks,
When suddenly out of the code rose a wall -
I could think no solution, no answer at all
To the problem it posed me, a difficult one,
And as I looked closer - oh! What have I done?

Confused by my typings, I sat for a while
Attempting to sort out this problem so vile
And just as I rooted out where it had cracked -
Oh, most unexpected, a Critic attacked!

He rose up within me and out of my lips,
A sharp, pointy figure, and, hands on his hips,
He frowned at my code, he hmm'ed and he hah'ed,
And began to make notes on a small yellow card.
I watched in confusion, then counted to four,
And then I began to edge to the door.
The Critic called out: "Oh, are you off already?
I've only just got here - do let me get ready."

Now frozen in place, I eyed him with fear -
What was the reason for him to be here?
Despite my ill-fated attempt at escape,
For answers I did not have too long to wait.

The Critic spoke up, with malice so petty:
"You call this code? It's more like spaghetti!
It's tangled and knotted and oh! such a mess -
How could you think that this code is your best?
And let's not forget this bit where you're stuck -
You cannot attribute this knot to bad luck!
The only solution is to start it from scratch -
There's no way you'll solve this one here with a patch."

CadiT wrote:One late winter evening, all rainy and black, 'dripping in rain and black' might put a better image in the reader's head
I tapped at my keyboard - a quick clicker-clack,
Typing away at my programming task,
With coffee on hand, in industrial flasks,
When suddenly out of the code rose a wall -
I could think no solution, no answer at all
To the problem it posed me, a difficult one,'Posing a problem, an utterly difficult one' might sound less forced to rhyme with 'done'
And as I looked closer - oh! What have I done?

Confused by my typings, I sat for a while *writings. typings is not a word
Attempting to sort out this problem so vile
And just as I rooted out where it had cracked -
Oh, most unexpected, a Critic attacked!

He rose up within me and out of my lips, Great imagery!
A sharp, pointy figure, and, hands on his hips,
He frowned at my code, he hmm'ed and he hah'ed,
And began to make notes on a small yellow card.
I watched in confusion, then counted to four,
And then I began to edge to the door.*towards the door
The Critic called out: "Oh, are you off already?
I've only just got here - do let me get ready."

Now frozen in place, I eyed him with fear -
What was the reason for him to be here?
Despite my ill-fated attempt at escape,
For answers I did not have too long to wait.delete this, you don't need it.

The Critic spoke up, with malice so petty:
"You call this code? It's more like spaghetti!
It's tangled and knotted and oh! such a mess -
How could you think that this code is your best?
And let's not forget this bit where you're stuck -
You cannot attribute this knot to bad luck!
The only solution is to start it from scratch -
There's no way you'll solve this one here with a patch."

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Wow!~ an impeccable poem you've got here. keep writing!

Cadi! ^.^

Well, I'm glad you managed to find a great way to let out this little irritation that literally 'bugged' you and your coding. Toiling away on assignments and having them so bitterly beaten by someone else provides for little hope and much grief.

I have a very big soft spot for poems that rhyme. And this poem reminds me of one that I'd written a while back. But that one's still not as witty as you've made this out to be.

There were some very fine moments in the lines where everything seemed perfectly in place. And that subtle yet somehow loud humour just kept it all the more interesting to read. I was chuckling along, but I also felt sympathy. And a combination like that is very hard to derive out of an audience.

This is just according to me, and really doesn't need to be implemented if in case you plan to edit. But i felt that there were far too many commas in some parts of the text and there were places that could have used more punctuation as well.

A sharp, pointy figure, and, hands on his hips,

Here, you could have removed the one after 'and' and replace the last with a full-stop.
Also, for the lines that are left barren without any comma or semi-colons in the middle, they became too difficult and big to digest at one shot. Adding the aforementioned signs would help in breaking them down and allow the reader to catch his/her breath.
Again, you don't necessarily need to implement these suggestions. The poem is still rock-solid never line.

I know how much of a programmer-person you are and you do coding a lot. It's no surprise that 'Cadi' rhymes with 'coding' (or is it just me?). I have troubles with even basic C++.
But in the midst of all the regular poems about love and life and all that's there, it's refreshing to read something that has a tone of much difference, no matter how incomplete you might think it is.

I'm glad I read this. And thank you for posting more often. This is golden stuff.

Murtuza