Young Writers Society

You said that you needed to go,
and I said I'd come with if you left,
so we held hands and tried to fly.

Before, the air seemed so light,
so unrestrictive, so loose,
a fenceless domain of oxygen.
But the moment we tried to climb it,
it melted between our fingers
and created a cage where no cage had been.

We searched and searched for wings,
for feathered appendages to lift us away,
but we were eternally bound to the soil,
to mortal forms of flesh and bone.
And in between sheets of heaven and fire,
we slept fitfully, desiring what we couldn't have.

In the end, we discovered that in order to rise,
one must become something different entirely.
On angel's wings we soared through the sky.

This was really good! It was lyrical and poetic without being cliche or unoriginal.

We searched and searched for wings,
for feathered appendages to lift us away,
but we were eternally bound to the soil,
to mortal forms of flesh and bone.
And in between sheets of heaven and fire,
we slept fitfully, desiring what we couldn't have.

^this was my favorite stanza-thing. It was great with visuals and yet vague enough to let the reader's mind wander. That's good. Poems can go either way, but it's generally good to let the reader have some imagination be in use during reading, while having a guideline- such as being descriptive like this. So kudos! This is something I tend to struggle with, and I like seeing other people excel in it.

in the end, we discovered that in order to rise,
one must become something different entirely.
On angel's wings we soared through the sky.

^ This was a fantastic way to end this, it felt complete and open. The message (if there was one) was clear and simple, yet nice.

Keep writing! Nice work! (and all that other inspirational stuff)
-Renn

Hey, dogs here. Firstly i would like to say I LOVE EVANESCENCE! and fallen is definitely her best album. Bring me to life is like my favorite song. Anywaysssssssss, i really like this poem, like Renn said above this is a great poem that isn't cliche. Also, the last stanza is definitely one of the best stanzas i have read in a long time. It has such great imagery and it flows like silk and it sounds so fantastic and it's just frekan amazing!!!!!! So props to you on that one.

My only tiny suggestion i have to say is that maybe you should cut down the lines in the second stanza a little. For me personally, i aim to get short and to the point lines, but thats just my style. You have a lot of really great descriptive words in the second stanza that are unnecessary, but they definitely add to the image your painting in the readers head. So whatever you want.

So all and all, great job! I really love this poem, keep up the good work!


TuckEr EllsworTh